Fell For Your Dreams.
Chapter One. Just Staring At The Surface.
Slow it all down, the damage is done.
The purple bruises under my eyes have faded to yellow, my lips are dry and my complexion sickly. My hands quiver under the weight of my body as I lean against the sink, my nose almost touching the mirror. The edge of the sink digs into my flesh and I only wish I could focus on this instead of the reflection of the red stall behind me.
I press my forehead on the cool glass and want to disappear. To become infinitely small until I disappear into the air.
Skin and bones hit the floor with a thud. Her flats peak from underneath the stall door. Three heavy heaves and it's happening. The bitter stench makes its way across the room.
I fall to my feet, the weight of my body set into place. I press my lips together trying to find some relieve from the dry, bitter feeling in my mouth but it doesn't work.
Seconds pass in synchronized order with her feet hitting the floor quietly as she stands up, breaths calm down and the door creaking as her back hits it. She's on the other side of the door, thinking a thousand things but doing nothing.
I look up at the mirror.
My image is grotesque. Dark grey shirt falling off my shoulder, limp strands of hair scattered across my face and my mascara smudged at the edges.
It feels dirty. I pull up my sleeves and reach over to the dispenser pressing it twice. Two squirts of pink liquid shoot into my hands. The smell is too sweet as I lather my hands under the faucet letting the suds wash away until the water runs clear. The outcome will always be the same, clean hands that won't last enough to make a difference.
The water stops and I shake my hands tearing a paper towel from the dispenser. I dry my hands, the paper becoming a dark brown, walk five steps, throw the crumbled paper and return to the mirror. A strand of hair lays above the rest, I pick it up and drop it into the mess of hair.
At the flush of the toilet, my hands drop to the side.
Her feet shuffle under the stall as she approaches the door. There's a click and the door opens. I focus on the reflection. Her bright hazel eyes, calm. Her light brown hair in their usual curls. It's an all too familiar sight but only if it were true.
Her lips are set in a tight line. She meets my gaze across the mirror and just as easily drops it. I train my eyes on the water droplets dripping from the faucet as she walks towards me. She stops at sink to my right.
Water droplets hit the sink with little clinks against the porcelain. I focus on this image. After a second, she leans on the sink counter mimicking me, her hands resting against the red countertop and her hair falling over her face.
Not a second later, a shrill sound breaks the silence.
She gives out a shaky breath before reaching into her pocket and dropping the dreaded object between us.
His name flashes mockingly across the screen.
In a blink, it's gone but in that microsecond, before the screen dims to black, the wallpaper shows a picture of them leaning against each other with their eyes closed.
Cold reality settles in and there's no sense in denying this any longer.
My hands that rested on the counter begin to shake as I stare into the mirror and our eyes meet this way.
"I'm sorry." Her voice is barely above a whisper.
I'm not sure if I want to laugh or cry because the feeling in my chest far too strange. Everything, all of this shouldn't be happening but it's happening and if only things were the way there were before, that simple word would have been enough. However, this time there's no going back so I push on my arms to stand up straight before turning around to leave.
My legs feel weightless as I walk to my locker. I bump into people but hardly feel it. Words spin in my head and blurry memories dance across my vision. Maybe I'm trying to pinpoint the moment of maybe I'm trying to erase the memories.
I reach my locker and close my eyes for a second trying to turn off my mind.
I dial my combination and open the door to exchange my books.
Pictures at the back of the door stare at me. I shove my books inside the locker and begin pulling the pictures out and stuffing them at the bottom of my bag.
"Vee!" I stop cold at the voice.
Yesterday, I would have turned around with a smile and that thought almost makes me sick.
I look around and realize that everyone is in their own tiny bubbles unaware of the real world.
He must have noticed my expression because the smiles fades off his face. "Are you okay?"
"We need to break up." My words come out breathlessly and I hate myself for it.
Suddenly, it's gotten quieter. They pretend to be as oblivious as they were before, but they've hushed to hear everything.
"What?" He questions.
"We need to break up." I say again, this time more clearly.
The smile is wiped clean from his face. The words sink in and he stands up straighter. He stares at me for a few seconds and tries to push back my words. He laughs and shakes his head.
He tries to relax, leans forward to rest his forehead against mine. His bright eyes level with my own brown one and his short blonde hair molds into my dark strands.
"Allie told you, didn't she?" He grins that silly grin of his, his eyebrows quirking, his eyes sparkling as he rocks back to his heels and stands upright.
"You can't possibly believe her, right?" I must seem like a typical girlfriend throwing a big tantrum only to make up with a grandiose spectacular.
He smiles and his hands snake around my waist pulling me towards him. Three clumsy steps forward and my face is buried into his chest, his arms wrapped around my waist and the steady rhythm of his heart pounding against my lips.
"Seriously Vee, don't listen to her. She's just jealous of us."
I push against his chest and step back.
"We need to break up." I repeat once again, keeping my voice steady and full of conviction.
Everyone has stopped chattering and are now staring at us shamelessly. Cut out shapes of humans, gaping with eyes wide open and lips set in twisted smirks.
"Let's go." He takes my hand into his own. It's supposed to be a comforting gesture. His voice is serene and his hands warm in my own cold ones.
His hands move to my shoulders and het steps closer to me, so close our noses touch. I have to tilt to see his eyes. The lights above are too bright and make my head spin. I pull my hands from his knowing all too well that my conviction is a ticking time bomb that will set off too soon.
"Vee." He sighs running a hand through his hair, clearly exasperated. Everyone is watching. Our words each through the hallway and time drags. His eyes on mine and hands wrapped around my wrists tugging them out gently into his own warm hands.
"Please Vee," He begs, our noses touching.
"Forgive me-" I don't let him finish. My hands shake within his and I slowly pull them away.
The words are like a splash of cold water because it's a confirmation of the things I wanted to deny. I want to take a step back but my back is already pressed against my locker. My gaze falls down at our feet. They're mere centimeters from each other. My black boots and his gray sneakers.
I look back into his wide eyes one last time. "We're done."
The air feels too heavy and I can't wait a second longer. I move past him and walk away with my eyes trained ahead at the blurriness. Their gaze follows each of my steps, synchronized and uniformed like robots.
She stands in the crowd. Her eyes red and swollen. I look away and push open two large doors that lead to the library. My legs are shaking as I keep them moving forward towards the back of the library.
I walk without caring until I hit a door. My legs shake, my fingers curl. I twist the knob of the door and it eases under my hand.
The door shuts close behind me. I close my eyes letting the waves finally hit me.
My legs give under my body and the impact sends a wave of electricity running up my spine. Warm and cold like poison it travels up my body but I can't. It's too blurred to make sense.
It's the sobs that erupt from my chest that my body focuses on and I hate it. The lack of air and the compressed feeling in my chest. I let myself drown in that dark pit inside of me with the small reassurance that somehow I'll resurface.
I don't know how much time passes. My lungs can't seem to take in enough oxygen but eventually, my breaths slow down from sobbing to hiccups and finally breathless tremors.
I struggle to pull myself together using the sleeve of my sweater to wipe my tears. I blink for a couple of seconds looking around the room. It's one of the study rooms. A desk lays in the middle of the room with a book sprawled across. I realize that person must have been studying when I stumbled in. I look up seeing past the mist in my eyes to the person sitting there.
I meet a pair of green eyes.