I gripped my dirty blonde hair in my hands and rocked myself as silent tears fell from my green eyes and stained my cheeks. I clutched a silver cross necklace in my hands, the only thing I had left of my grandmother. I cried for hours; I cried to the point where I didn't even have any tears left to shed, but that wouldn't stop my body from trying. Why did she have to go? That is the only question that could permeate my thoughts. Every time I closed my eyes, her grey, curly hair and her blue eyes pierced the darkness. It felt as if I could go downstairs and she would be sitting in her old rocking chair, knitting some quilt together for one of her friends. But I knew she was not, and she never would again. What hurt the most was not that she is gone, but the fact that it could have been avoided.
She had gone to the store to pick up some groceries. She had walked, as she always did since it was just down the road, but when she'd crossed the street some idiot who'd ran a red light smashed into her. She died because someone else made a stupid mistake! It just wasn't fair! I clenched my fist as my mind drifted back to that horrid day. It was only a week ago, but without her, it felt as if an eternity has passed. My grandmother was everything to me. She was the one person that was always there for me, she was the one constant in my life.
My mother had died eleven years ago, back when I was just a young boy of six. That was when my grandmother really became a large part of my life; she naturally became my surrogate mother. My father worked all the time for as long as I could remember, he was never there for me when I needed him the most. He wasn't there to read me a bedtime story, to listen about the bullies at school, to see any of my band concerts, he was never there. He was supposed to be my father, but he felt more like a stranger that occasionally crashed at the house. Through all that though, my grandmother had always been there to hear my problems. She had been there to sooth my woes and eradicate the nightmares. And now she is gone, and like a leaf blown away by the fall breeze, she was never coming back.
I brought the necklace up to my heart as I think about the day she had given it to me. It had been at my tenth birthday party, it was also the last time I had truly felt like I had a family. For the first, and for last time, my father was actually at my party. He was actually there for me. Knowing he was there made me feel like he actually cared about me, made me feel like I was worth something. My grandmother had handed me the necklace after the party. She had told me it would bring me good fortune throughout my life—she always did believe in superstition. Me being a young boy, wanted nothing to do with wearing jewelry, but at the same time, I couldn't be mean to her, so I had just smiled a toothy grin and told her how much I loved it. I regret never wearing it. I wish I'd worn it, even just once, when she was around so she could know how much I cared and loved the gift, even if I didn't.
I let out a shaky sigh, glad that the sobs have finally subsided, at least for now. I still did't want to get out of bed, no real reason to anyway. My father was once again at work, taking a measly two days off. Showed how little he cared. I pushed those thoughts out of my head; they were the last thing I needed on my mind. Instead I focused on the necklace that rested in the palm of my hand and go back to all the good memories I had with my grandmother. I escaped back to a time where she had always been by my side, ready to make my day just a little brighter. Fate might have taken her from my life, but it can never take the memories, and like a bud in spring, they will only flourish and grow as time goes on, each one becoming even more precious as the months and years pass. I know I will I have to come back to reality at some point, but for now, I am content to float by on the clouds of my memories.