Chapter Four-The Plot Loses Any Semblance of Dignity.
Hudson, whose vision had adjusted enough to see past the stage, was shocked by what he saw. First of all, he saw Mr Shnoop, and he appeared to be the clown's leader. This didn't really surprise him, as he had suspected the man was pure evil ever since he had made him work the night shift that one time. What shocked Hudson was the man behind him.
"FRED! How could you be a villain? I trusted you! You sell cotton candy to children! I don't understand! When did you start to dress up like a clown for non-work-related purposes? I thought you were like me! BUT I GUESS I WAS WRONG!" Hudson shrieked at his Coworker.
"I'm sorry Hudson. But people change. I changed. I know that I didn't used to, but now I like my job, and I like being a clown. Getting to be in a gang of clowns is a once in a lifetime chance. Taking out a traitor of the clown clan like you is a way for me to prove myself to the gang," said Fred apologetically.(but not really)
Clown Clan? So there were more of them? More clowns, probably the ones who had murdered the lady who the author mentioned was murdered in the first paragraph, but then failed to ever mention again, because the plot in this story is full of holes. More clowns, probably lurking in dark allies, waiting to jump out at him. He had to do something to get rid of them! Because that is what Jesus would do. For the sake of the children. Or something.
"WHO ARE YOU?! NOT MY FRIEND!. NOT ANYMORE!" Hudson had lost his marbles. Blown his top. Gone berserk. Flown off the hook. Lost a screw. Bugged out. Gone apeshit. The mall is open, but no one is shopping. THE MALL BEING HIS BRAIN.
He charged Fred, with what most some could consider murderous intent in his eyes, but to be fair, this could've been the effects of the hallucinogenic drugs that had hit him earlier.
Fred dodged and pulled out his chainsaw-machine gun (it was a gun that shot mini chainsaws, which would then explode upon impact in a bright array of pretty colors) and aimed it at Hudson, who seemed to have forgotten his homicidal intentions, was now rolling on the ground, having some kind of fit.
As he was about to fire, Ryder, who had been standing around the whole time, rather unsure of how to handle the whole thing, jumped in to draw his attention.
"HEY! You there! Brainless Slave Monkey! Over here!" He jumped up and down, waving his arms.
Ryder's mind was racing; that gun "Fred" (if that was his real name) had was probably deadly, despite it being the most hideously toolish thing he had ever seen. How could he get himself and Hudson out of here? Luckily, he had just happened to wear his name-brand Cigam Tolp Eceved machinegun-chainsaw proof vest. He hoped that it worked, and Jones Bond hadn't ripped him off. He grabbed Hudson under the shoulders and half dragged him through the door into the clown garage, and shoved a few barrels in front of the door.
(Ryder's POV, if it wasn't clear)
Think think think. We are in a garage. There has to be an exit somewhere. Where was it then? He saw a large door. He shoved it open, and saw a clown car nearby. Better than walking, he guessed? They left their keys there; he guessed they hadn't expected company. The seat was rather squished, and Hudson was drooling all over him. Seriously, what was wrong with him? He drove away, as fast as the small car could go, with the engines of of other cars heard not far behind.
I think this needs more explanation points and capitalization. Don't you?