I am dependent
on him.
I can't live day to day
without him.
I can't move
without him.
It's quite strange,
actually.
Most people want
20 year old attractive boys,
to help them shower.
They find it erotic and
sexy and
a dream and
for me,
it's embarrassing and
humiliating and
terrifying and
miserable.
It's a struggle
to wait
for him to come home
from work
so he can help me
go to the bathroom.
It's a struggle
to ask him
to take me
around the house.
I'm not light.
I weigh a lot.
But he's strong,
so strong.
He carries me
like a princess
everywhere.
I am dependent
on that smile.
I am dependent
on those kind eyes.
I am dependent
on him.
My legs don't work
anymore.
You think you're dependent
because you text him
every day,
because you call him
every night,
because you miss him
every minute.
But I'm dependent.
He is my mobility.
My hope for survival.
I can't live day to day
without him.
It is an embarrassment,
humiliating,
and shameful to ask
your dead best friends best friend,
your current best friend,
to help you go potty.
To have him shower with you,
to ask him to take you
to the beach
because you feel caged
like an animal.
I am dependent
and I'm ashamed and
scared and
dependent.

David-
Thank you.