His face appears in front of mine, his crystal blue eyes the same color as the icy waves he died in. "Kellie," he murmurs. "Why didn't you try to save me?"

"I couldn't have," I cry, backing away from the walking corpse in front of me. It surprises me to see him like this. After all, he was cremated. I witnessed them toss his ashes into the bay.

His skin is soaking wet, and he is dressed in the same blue jeans and Hawaiian shirt he wore when he took off on his boat. His dark brown hair is plastered against his head, making him look almost bald.

"There was nothing I could have done!"

Suddenly, I'm falling, past his watery grave and into the nothingness of a painfully peaceful sleep.

Consciousness crashes into me, harder than an ocean wave, my crazily realistic dream forgotten. I don't dare open my eyes, to ruin the silent moment in the room my mother and I share. One, two, five minutes pass as I focus on the silence, pretending that I'm anywhere but here. Hesitantly, I open my eyes, staring up at the sun-lit ceiling sloping down to meet the white wall.

I do nothing but breathe. One, two, five seconds pass before I'm consciously aware that I'm sitting up, wrist in hand, looking around the messy, sun lit room.

Don't do this. Go.

But where? How do I escape a town that I could pass in the blink of an eye? And how is that same minuscule town able to capture me in this airy prison of a tourist trap?

Just go.

I sigh, forcing myself off the bed onto wobbly legs from the parade the previous night. Three miles and twenty-four hours later, my legs are still sore. I pull on dark clothing that I don't look at, throw on my brown sheepskin boots, and head to the stairs of the third floor.

The padding of my boots is the first thing I hear today, my soft footfalls trailing down the circular stairs to the second floor of my grandmothers house. I step off the soft white carpeting, my steps getting louder as I saunter into the kitchen with its hardwood flooring.

My mother groggily sloths around the kitchen counters, fixing up a pot of tea. Her white floral nightgown flows around her in the soft breeze made by the open door leading out onto the white deck. The pink and orange dots on her clothing dances around in the slight wind, and she doesn't bother to close the door as the cold creeps in. The frigid air snakes around me, biting at my exposed skin like a swarm of angry bees.

The aroma of leaf juice fills my nose, and I sneeze as I remember that I need to take my medication. A hoarse "Hello," escapes my chapped lips as I take the meds, walk around the kitchen to find some non-alcoholic beverage, and pour some orange juice in the only clean mug in the house.

I step behind my mom, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. She starts as I touch her, but relaxes when she realizes that it's only me. "Good Morning honey."

I frown at her choice of words, reminded of my aunt that's been emotionally and mentally abusing my uncle for my entire life. Honey. The name of the devil.

"I'm going out for a walk. I'll be home soon." Hopefully not.

"Okay." She rambles on for a few minutes as I grab my navy sweatshirt from the office, giving her a fake smile as I wander down the stairs. I hear her soft voice as I exit the house, ending with a, "See you soon, sweetheart."

I slip on my sweatshirt as the wind kicks me straight in the face. Hands in pockets, I take my stroll two blocks down to the Fifth Street beach.

I don't think. I couldn't if I wanted to. How could I let my mind wander on to depressing topics about depressing people? How could I force useless words out of the boxes in my head containing all my dark secrets, just to put them away as the words meaning registers in my consciousness?

I ignore myself as I step onto the concrete leading to the pavilion, turning right before I step onto the white haven in this boring hellhole of a town. I don't bother to take off my fuzzy boots as I head onto the beach, sauntering over to the first jetty on Third Street. Lyrics from the song "Watch Me Bleed" by Scary Kids Scaring Kids form in my head, and I let my voice out into the emptiness.

The silence keeps it easy-keeps you safe for the moment.

As you're walking away-your footsteps get louder.

For the first time in weeks, I feel proud of my voice, the soft pitches in harmony with the waves. The hoarseness in my voice has vanished, and the sweet sounds I make dance around my head. No joggers run by, so I keep my rising song at an even volume.

All you needed was time-but now time will destroy us.

I take a second just to breathe. The salty air fills my mouth, and my core fills with the cold. A living brightness shines out in the poetic words stolen from the perfect song.

It will all be over- and here we are.

We're stuck inside the salted earth together.

You pierce my lungs- my limbs go numb.

As my colors fade out.

You watch me bleed.

You watch me bleed.

For the first time in days, I feel so alive. My skin burns with the cold, but I enjoy the tingling. The wind plays with my thick, dark curls, messing up the tangled mess further.

I loose myself in the song, focusing on the waves pounding like a beating heart. The salt fumes swarm up in my nose, clearing my sinuses with ease. Tears burn in my eyes as the wind pushes against me, sending me away from my destination.

I gave you everything to die with a smile.

I see my uncles' eyes in the waves, blinking with each crash against the shore. His brilliant blue orbs sink below the surface, and I am reminded of the day he died in the storm.

I watch the scene in front of me fade as the memory takes over my mind. I hear my mothers voice telling me that he's gone. That he's dead. I feel my heart ache in my chest as I remember the feeling of slowly dying inside at the sound of this information. I push the thoughts of breaking down out of my head, unwilling to relive the minutes that passed when I would have done anything to bring him back. His face from the night before he passed fills my vision, and I push back the tears in my burning eyes.

As soon as the thought popped into my head, it fades into a new memory, stealing my thoughts away onto more depressing thoughts.

All you wanted was to live for a while.

I hear the sound of my ex-best friends voice in the calls of the gulls, their song nothing compared to the symphony of the ocean. I see her face momentarily behind my eyelids, the one who abandoned me for popularity.

As if in a dream, I see the two of us signing on the beach, dancing around like a pair of hyper drunks. I remember that, on a sugar high, we had gone in the ocean just days before a hurricane. We had screamed, and cursed, and danced around acting completely inane. The people watching us from the pavilion must have thought that we were high. I mean, come on! We could have been on ecstasy for all they knew.

I gave you everything, but it left you empty.

You can't replace me, you can't.

My breathing ceases for a split second as the memory of the fight floods my mind. I hear Dad's angry curses and lifeless threats as I run from the back of the house, tears blurring my vision. Entering through the front door, I hear Mom's shouts echo throughout the house as I run up to my room.

That was the very first night I cried. That was the very first time I let the sobs break through my chest, and let myself feel completely, utterly, and undeniably weak.

I force the thoughts out of my mind, packing them up in the boxes in my head.

It will all be over- and here we are.

It takes me a second to realize that I'm no longer walking, voice growing louder. I sit on the jetty, the sharp rocks cutting into my jeans.

We're stuck inside the salted earth together.

I take a second long breath that lasts a century, time slowing as the lovely song drags on.

You pierce my lungs- my limbs go numb.

The wind robs all feeling from my body as I whisper the words:

As my colors fade out-

You watch me bleed.

You watch me bleed.

I watch the waves, my heartbeat slowing to match the rhythm they make. I feel someone's eyes on me as a jogger passes by. The woman gives me the same kind of look I give my uncle, an annoyed look with hints of intimated pique. She must be thinking something along the lines of, "What the hell is that gothic chick doing?"

Seconds, minutes, maybe even hours pass by as I stare at the waves. The calmness of this quiet sinks into my skin until I feel paralyzed. Gravity keeps me seated as my lucid mind focuses on the sea-glass green water.

Hesitantly, I rise, my worries returning, my calmness lost, and the reality of the day making me shiver more than the frigid air. I return to the pavilion, the street, the house that has my family hidden inside.

I open up the front door and am immediately greeted with a knowing, "I wonder who that is." I can practically hear my grandmother, Giggy, smiling as she calls this down to me. "I bet it's Kellie."

"Yeah, it's me," I call back up to her, taking the stairs as slowly as I can to regain my poker face. As I saunter up the stairs, I am stolen away, my mask forcing a grin on my face as I smile at the people who don't know who I am.