Every single time I stopped, I called her. The phone buzzed with the dialtone; and then gave me the voicemail. I called twice; and the voicemail sounded again. I gave up, tears flowing down my cheeks.
I got back in the car and drove down the ever-stretching highway. I did not stop for a couple hours. At the next fuel stop, I called again. The same thing happened. I hung up, and continued driving. When I reached the Motel I was staying at; I got out, and the rain started to fall. I walked into the room; but I realized that I did not call her, in hopes of contact. I called her again from outside. No answer; similar to the other times. Rain hitting my face and wiping the tears away, I retired to my room. I sobbed myself to sleep that night.
I had a dream. A terrible nightmare. I lived through everything that had happened. I remembered how I fell deeply in love with her. I loved her so much; everything fades to sepia when she's not around. But when she walks in the room; all of a sudden; everything shifts to technicolor: bright hues even brighter than before. Without her... There was no excitement; that electricity in the air that seems to constantly surround her. Sometimes I felt like throwing up when I thought of her leaving me...
I missed her so much it physically hurted when she was gone.
My Mom and Dad had never shown me love: and that's all I've ever wanted in this world.
Many women found me repulsive; too emotional and not manly enough; until I found her.
She forced me to have sex; like both my parents had done. I was not interested in sex: I never was. I wanted a kiss-hug-cuddle relationship; and she forced me to participate often. I hated doing it; it felt wrong, and dirty... But I still loved her; and I hoped that if I had sex with her; and with the men she brought home; as she had me do while she watched; she would love me. I always tried to get something deeper than words from her while she forced me to fund her expensive lifestyle. Forced me to fund her credit card spending and never-ending search; nay; a witch hunt: for the perfect education; going through Psychology, Sociology and Political science before settling on Biology. Forced is not the right word; I was the one who actually suggested it.
She often bought expensive vacations for herself to tropical destinations with her friends; not inviting me; and me often later hearing about sexual activities there. But I treated these as false.
She bought a Car for her sister, and an expensive Maui vacation for her parents.
But I loved her so much. I didn't want to look like a deadbeat.
The day that she successfully got my credit card hooked up to all of her debt; student or otherwise, to be completely and totally, literally my own debt: Over $750,000; she officially told me she had been cheating on me; and moved in with her new boyfriend without a second's notice.
I was depressed for weeks; I cut myself all over; losing so much blood I was confined to an armchair; but no physical pain got rid of this true emotional pain. I recalled the bills coming in; but worse than that: there was no more joy in my life.
I remember realising, in the midst of my extreme drinking and cutting; that... that I was nothing to her. An object; a credit card, a sex toy; all with no feelings.
And that is when I awoke.
I woke up with a start; in a cold sweat, and paid for the room at the main office; avoiding eye contact with the attendant.
I walked out, the air smelling as it does after a storm; and I called her again. The phone rang 3 times before it went to voicemail. That proved it to me; She WAS getting them. She was rejecting them as they came in.
I punched the wooden post holding up the awning of the Motel; and I felt sharp pains in my right middle-fingers' knuckle.
I could still drive; and I could still do what was right. I would get there.
I checked my map; and I saw that I was only 3 hours away.
I got out onto the freeway; and called her once more. The phone rang once... twice... three times... voicemail.
I pressed hang up; enraged; and all of a sudden, my phone shut off and would not start up. I had permanently locked the Hangup button; also the Power key.
I wouldn't need it anymore.
As I sped there, I stopped at a diner, not 5 miles from her. I glanced at my handgun; loaded with 5 .45 rounds. I hid it from sight; and went in to wait until cover of darkness.
I went in; and the waitress seated me at the counter. I ordered coffee and pie.
She pried at me with conversation; a younger, country girl; she seemed friendly.
I rejected her conversation; but she persisted. I told a mild joke, and she laughed.
She paid special attention to me for the entire time; for what was about 5 hours.
I started to laugh; and even smile. Her shift ended, and she walked out, and asked me if I'd like to go for a drink with her.
I smiled and said yes.
I hid my gun inside the glove compartment; let her in my car. I drove her over to the local bar. I had felt, that; almost; the plan was not necessary anymore. I had felt... happy. For the first time in years; I was truly happy with what I had.
Over the course of 2 hours, we got more and more inebriated together. She got extra handsy; and we started french kissing.
I made a mistake from the hard liquor; and I let slip my plan.
She listened; and then, at the point where I told the nasty part; she recoiled, and ran; or rather, stumbled; away. She made it out into the parking lot, by my car. I snapped and went after her, grabbing her on the shoulder; bartender shouting at me to come back; sensing trouble. I grabbed her mouth; and pulled her near the car. I slammed her head into the trunk; Once; Twice. She was unconscious; I threw her in, stuffing her body into the vehicle. I started the car, quickly pulling out. I saw the Bartender on the phone;
It would not stop me.
I honked on the horn like a madman the whole way; and swerved; to where I knew the object of my affection lived.
I dragged her out by her blonde hair; and grabbed the gun. I walked in and slammed on the door.
My ex-girlfriend; now living with her new boyfriend, answered the door.
I put the gun to the restrained girl's head; and shot. She dropped with no pain. My Ex screamed; and I looked at her and said, slurring my words; "You betrayed me; and cheated. You are a dirty money whore of a liar; but I still loved you." I fired two bullets into her right chest. I pulled her close, drunkenly; and said to her; knees on her chest; "But that didn't matter did it? Nothing mattered but you." I kissed her on the mouth; lots of tongue. She fought me, and bit me; but I persisted. She had bled out by the time I set her down; after about 3 minutes.
"Do you love me now?! Huh?!" I shouted at her. I pushed her hair out of her face; and shouted;
"You never said you loved me! Well; It's too late!"
I then laughed, putting the gun to my head; and then I looked at her, and shouted: "This is what Mommy and Pop-pop should have done to that embarrassing bastard child she had with someone else; Isn't it?!"
I knew she would have agreed with me; had she have been able to talk.
Her eyes glazed over; as I fired.