The Uselessness of Kindness

My mother always says I'm too nice of a person, that I have the right to be a bitch to people since I've earned my place with kindness, but I always feel like I'm breaking someone when I'm too mean, even if I don't like the person.

I'm a girl that if I care for someone I care forever. Even if the guy that I like, possibly love, doesn't think of me like that, I don't even know what he thinks of me. I'm forever jealous of my best friend for her ability to get a guy, and I can't help but wonder, how come I can't do that? Fuck Disney, no guy sees a girl for what's on the inside. Big tits, big ass, small waist, and puts out. Don't delude yourself, no man truly sees an ugly girl for what's on the inside.

But, I'll never go against anyone. People treat me like I owe them, when in reality, I've done my best to be nice to them, so what do I have to give you? I have nothing for myself; do you think I have the scraps of my heart to give to you while I'm starving?

If you said 'yes', you'd be correct.

I'll choose you over everyone, I'll stand by and watch you steal the one I love, and I'll help plan the wedding. And you'll scorn me by making me the Maid of Honor, and I'll suck it up, watch you kiss the groom, and not try to catch your bouquet.

Finally, I'll learn my lesson. And I'll snap and be committed to an institution, or I'll take a knife and cut my wrists, pop some pills, hold my vomit, drink some vodka, and sing fucking 'Kumbaya' as I walk into the bright light awaiting my rightful place as an angel. Because I should be commended for my kindness, win the lottery for my graciousness, and be Queen of the World due to my inability to say 'no'.

And from above, or down below as fate would have it, I'll watch you cry at my funeral as they read out my suicide note, blaming Chelsea and Tim for this. And I'll savor your tears, if you even show up to my funeral.

So remember boys and girls, never give to those who can't return. For you won't be able to say 'no'.