I fell into you, not for you.
I am falling.
No, falling is an understatement.
I am diving head first into an abyss. I know not what lies at the bottom, if a bottom even exists. It could be a bed of flowers, where we could spend afternoons rolling around and laughing gayly. We could feed each other flowers and I can finally have a taste of this elusive thing called happiness.
Or it could be a pit of snakes, and they would coil around my throat, invade every single orifice of my body, and rape me in the most gruesome way possible. Not just rape, that I can endure, maybe even enjoy, but rape coupled with betrayal.
Still, the masochistic part of me aches for it. Torture me, rape me, eat me alive. I want it. I want it all. Bind me with chains of pain, blind me with ecstasy. At this point, I'd take anything. I just want to feel alive.
But I am afraid. As much as I want it, I fear being broken. I fear the unknownness of my needs. I fear the intensity of my darkness. I fear misplaced trust. I fear betrayal. I fear abandonment. I fear shattered expectations. I fear one-sidedness.
My entire being is coated with uncertainty. Questions, questions, questions.
Above all, who are you?
There is only one thing more powerful and destructive than love.