The following morning was perfect. Well, in my head it was. There were probably many warning signs to let me know what was ahead, but I was living in bliss and ignored them all. I was high on love.
At lunch I began to approach you as I always did so we could eat lunch together, but across the room I could see you. In my head these next few moments too hours. There was a girl, a complete stranger to me, sitting there next to you. She was in your arms, she was taking my place. You kissed her. It was all so unreal, I swore that I was trapped in a horrific nightmare. I looked around and it seemed like everyone knew about this, like I was the only one in shock by his behavior. How many knew about this? Were they all in some kind of game and I was the target? I was consumed by the humiliation, and left ass fast as my feet would let me. As I made my way through the crowd of teenagers in the halls the only thing in my head was the child's song you wrote for me the previous day.
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.
You make me happy when skies are gray.
You'll never know dear, how much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away."
I cried for hours. I am still not sure if I cried because I was so easily replaced, I was humiliated in front of everyone I considered a friend, or because I allowed myself to fall in love and be completely vulnerable to be discarded like yesterday's newspaper. I am a straight A student, and I work hard every day. For the rest of that day I couldn't do anything. I wasn't concerned with what was being taught in class, I didn't care about my grades or college. I didn't want to eat, or think, or breathe. The last moments of that day were the exact opposite as the first. I laid upon my pillow and entertained the thought of not waking up.
I barely arrived to class on time the following morning. I passed you in the hallway. If this was a movie I knew everything would go black and white, it would all be in slow motion as we passed. When we reached the moment when we were side by side the frame would pause. I would be the only one to move, and I would yell, scream, and beg for your attention. I would release every emotion that was being held inside anger, pain, humiliation, disappointment, and pure betrayal. As I vented all of these emotions no one would be able to hear me. When I was out of things to say life would continue as she made her way into your arms. After, I passed you I would turn around and watch you walk away together and say to myself:
"You were my sunshine, my only sunshine.
You made me happy when skies were gray.
I thought you knew dear, how much I loved you.
But still you took my sunshine away."