A/N: This is inspired by the quote from The Perks of Being a Wallflower, "We accept the love we think we deserve." R&R! With love, writerfreak2013.
We Accept the Love We Think We Deserve
"Please, don't go. I love you."
"It's not worth it anymore," I told him walking away tears streaming down my face. I didn't even want to look back. I loved him, but I left. We argued all the time, but we always made up. I looked up to see where I had gotten. I looked at my surroundings and realized I was a couple blocks from my best friend's apartment. When I got there, I knocked on the door.
"Sam, it's me."
She opened the door, "Hey, girl." Her face softened when she saw I was crying. "What happened?" she asked. "Come on in." She led me into her kitchen and started getting out some popcorn to pop in the microwave. "So what happened?"
"Danny and I got into another argument, and things just went south from there. I was just so tired from all the arguing, so I told him I didn't want to see him anymore."
"I don't know. He grabbed my wrist as I was walking away. I just yanked it away and told him he wasn't worth the trouble anymore."
"Why would you say that? You love him!"
"I don't know! I just got caught up in the moment. I'm so sick and tired of all the arguing. What's the point of being in a relationship if you just argue and fight all the time? And that's all we did."
"Liv, I honestly don't know why you guys fought all the time, but you loved each other."
"I love him, but I don't know if I want to go back to the way it was before."
"If you don't, then don't."
"What am I going to do? I always choose these kinds of people."
"I'm going to give you some wisdom here. You probably don't want it, but it's the best I can give you right now."
"What is it?"
"We accept the love we think we deserve."
"So you think I deserve a bunch of assholes?"
"No, I think that you think the only thing you deserve is an asshole. Liv, you shut people out. You've convinced yourself that you aren't worth anything."
"I'm fine. I haven't convinced myself of anything."
"You are not fine. You think you're such a bad person, that you don't deserve love."
"I've done so many bad things though."
"It doesn't matter. Danny doesn't love you because of the bad things. He loves you because of the good things."
"He's such a good person though. He should be marrying some smart girl from a good background that didn't spend years in an institution."
"Liv, you spent years in an institution because of that monster. That wasn't your fault."
"That doesn't change the fact that my parents stuck me in the loony bin."
"It's is not your fault he raped you. You cut yourself because of the emotional trauma."
"Danny doesn't deserve someone as screwed up as I am."
"He loves you for what you've become. Yeah, it took a few years for you to get over that, but he loves you anyhow. He doesn't love you because you were raped, or you watched your parents die. He loves you because of what you've become."
"All I've become is a screw-up. I have scars all over my arms, and I can barely get someone to hire me because they do a background check and find out that I was institutionalized."
"Say whatever. In the end, it's your choice."
"You wanna watch a movie?"
"Sure." We turned on the TV and put on The Notebook.
About an hour into the movie, there was a knock on the door.
"I'll get it," Sam told me. She opened the door. "Oh, hey, 'sup?"
"Who is it?" I called.
"Danny's here to see you."
I got up and went to the door.
"I'll give y'all some space," Sam said and walked away.
I stepped outside and shut the door. "Why did you come here?"
"Well, I gave you a couple hours to cool off, and I wanted to talk. I figured you'd be here."
"I don't want to talk. I meant what I said."
"Please just give this one more chance."
"That's what we say every time. And then it ends with both of us hurt. I don't want to go on like this. You don't deserve it. I don't deserve it."
"Please don't just let this go."
"I'm not saying we should just let this go. I want to take a break. Maybe we could see some other people."
"I don't want to see other people. I want to see you."
"I'm not immediately resuming this relationship. I'm done."
"Could we start over?"
"I think we're too far into it. Let's just take a break."
"Please, Liv, I'm begging you."
"Danny, no. I'm taking a break, okay?"
"I don't get this. Why don't you want to continue?"
"We argue then we make up. I'm sick of the cycle."
"Whatever. I'll see you around," he said, kissing me on the cheek and then leaving. I walked back into Sam's apartment.
"Are you okay?" she asked.
"So what's the deal?"
"I put it out there point blank. We're taking a break. He tried to argue but I said I wasn't compromising this time."
We finished the movie and she invited me to stay there the night, so I did.
…one month later…
I walked into Starbucks to get an iced white chocolate mocha. I waited in line to get my order. After I placed my order, I went to sit in one of the large comfy chairs in the corner of the room.
"Here's a grande iced white mocha!" one of the baristas called.
As I was going to grab my coffee, someone ran right onto me spilling their cold drink all over me. "Shit," I said.
"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry," someone said. I turned to look at them. "Oh, Liv, I'm sorry I spilled this on your outfit." It was Danny.
"It's fine," I said grabbing some napkins and tried to clean the coffee off my shirt.
"Can I pay for your drink?"
"I already paid for it."
"I'll pay you back full price."
"No, it's fine."
"Well, while we're at it, can we start over yet?"
"Hi, my name's Olivia, call me Liv."
"Hi, my name's Danny. Can I take you to dinner tonight?"
"Sure," I said, somehow feeling this would be different than last time. We went and sat down with our drinks.