Guardian Series: Birth Day

Okay lets get a little background information going. I first uploaded this story expecting nobody to be interested in it, but it seems to be that some people are rather curious. This is a part of my series The Guardian, which originally began as Edward Elric and two OCs I created to take a new swing at a "mentor" type story. This is only a PORTION of the story, so I guess I will convert the script I created for the mpreg part of the series into something actually readable.

Also, there is no yaoi or romance going on in this story. I like mpreg, but its not mpreg when the male is more teenage girl than anything, and plus... romance distracts from so much. So to catch up on this story (which you can also read on deviantart under "the Guardian mpreg diaries") Ed is an egotistical, clumsy, lazy brat in need of some straightening out. His jerk off father sent him off to live with Taylor McKenzie, a retired nuclear physicist, inventor and now college Professor, as well as his best friend Angel Demetri, retired CIA and assassin to teach Ed to be the best...around! (karate kid came out in me) Anyways, hope you find it somewhat enjoyable!

Disclaimer: no edward elric in this story, but you're free to imagine it so!

WARNING: Alcohol, drugs, severe language, inappropriate themes present. Oh and uh, mpreg.

9 months earlier...

"Woo! Male bonding!"

"Finally we get to take a leave!"

My trainers breathed sighs of relief as the truck pulled into a forested clearing on the side of the mountain trail. After our last mission, the Chief granted us a leave of absence for our uh... good behavior.

Taylor seemed happier than usual. Maybe it was the Prozac, or the 24 pack of bud lite we had in the trunk. Either way, it was good to see that I wouldn't have to deal with the moody prick side of him this time. Angel jumped out of the truck as soon as it was parked.

Angel was the nicer, and more fatherly guru of mine. I trusted this teenager at heart with my life, and perhaps he was the reason I chose to continue my training with Taylor. Despite the fact that he is a perverted Colin Ferrell look-a-like and wannabe vampire, he always gave me hope and a big smile. He shook out his long black hair, tossing his shirt to the forest floor, which was quickly followed by his jeans.


"Angel, you gonna give me a lap dance or you wanna help us unload?"

The nights festivities would soon forever scar my innocent brain for years to come. Angel and Taylor were the best of friends, and it became more obvious to me how long they've known each other.

Need I mention... how they always had a tendency to team up together. Especially when it came to mind-fucking me. Taylor popped his first cap, slugging the beer down as if it were water.

"Taylor. Its 1pm."

"What's your point?" He belched.

I sighed. Oh well, it was spring break for us. "Nothing, bud." I waved it off.

Angel set down the cooler, pouring bags of ice and stuffing beer inside. It was still strange that he was stripped down to his Green Lantern boxer shorts. "Oh. Speaking of which..." He giggled madly.

Angel pulled out a small, rectangular red box waving it in front of Taylor's eyes. The look on his face was that of a begging dog being offered a prime rib; I've never seen him so... excited about anything.

"This is why I love you." He jokingly embraced Angel, staring at the box. I shrugged.

"What is it?"

Angel smirked over at me. "A little something for tonight." He waved the case under my nose and I could faintly pick out a strange, fruity odor wafting out of the box. Huh.

Angel called out over his shoulder as he began searching for firewood. "Shouldda brought some chicas, eh, Taylor?"


"You're no fun." He pouted and stuck out his tongue, muttering to himself. "Maybe you're always so angry because you can't get laid." I definitely liked Angel. If I was not allowed to be a smartass, at least he was. Angel was the only one Taylor let bug him, and often I wondered why.

They began to bicker.

"At least I'm not the one with HERPES, Angel!"

"It's not herpes! The physician said it was an allergic reaction to seafood."

"Uh-huh. And what about when you returned from Australia, and we all thought you got HIV?" Taylor grinned, and I couldn't hide my laughter.

"Those aborigines are cleaner than you think." Angel cracked open a beer, sipping the foam off the top. "What I'm worried about, T, is that you've been single for the past 9 years and not ONCE have I seen you bring home a girl."

I needed popcorn. This was too good. They began to wrestle, me watching the entire time. Training and studying had clearly been shoved out the door as I watched these two act like children. I sat contently, mesmerized by the idea that Taylor and Angel were my awesome older brothers. Deep down inside... WAY deep down, I loved them both. Taylor might have his rough edges, and Angel has his moments when he scares the shit out of me such as chasing me with his katana, but... they were a part of a new family.

Within moments, I was dragged into the wrestle pit, laughing, boozing, having a good time. The night was going to be one to remember...

...Or so I thought.

"ANGEL! YOU HEATHEN!" I screamed from behind the bushes, covering my bare body with a leaf. "I THOUGHT I COULD TRUST YOU!"

The sun was beginning to set. The two of them laughed hysterically at me as they boiled in the hot spring pool, Angel waving around my swim trunks like a war banner. And oh yes. They were naked.

Taylor sucked on a cigarette, with yet another beer in hand. "It's called male bonding, grow some balls and deal with it."

I snorted, "Pfft. Male bonding's what you call it." It was getting cold, and I felt myself shrink when Angel tossed my swim trunks into the bushes behind him.

The black haired vampire nerd who was now pissing me off opened his own beer. "Lighten up, Ed. It's not male bonding if you're not comfortable."

Taylor decided to pop in. "Don't be a little bitch, nobody gives a shit about your tiny pecker."

This was humiliating.

"You guys are SADISTS! It's freezing out here!"

Angel opened his arms wide. "More the reason you should join us."

It was debatable, and I was shivering in the early spring winds. Taylor was staring at me from afar, and frustrated with my stubbornness brushed off his shoulders and turned his back to me. "Fine. We'll look away so you feel better about being nude, princess."

I muttered to myself, hoping at least one of them heard me. "This is sexual harassment…" I slid into the water as soon as the two had their backs turned. Well… as long as they don't try anything fishy, it should be alright…


I slid into the water careful not to slip on the algae slick rocks, keeping my eyes on them like a hawk. If one of them so much touched me right now, I would shove my foot in their teeth.

Angel, who came out of nowhere, patted me on the shoulder as soon as I had dipped down to my waist. "There ya go! Nothing to be ashamed about, we're all naked!"

"That strangely doesn't comfort me at all."


I felt a very cold object on my shoulder and looked up in time to have a beer shoved in front of my eyes. Taylor handed it to me.


He shrugged, dropping it in my hands. "Well sure. You earned it."

I was waiting for the punchline. "But I'm 18."

Angel grabbed another beer of his own out of the cooler. "So what! the drinking age is 16 in the UK." I could clearly see Taylor roll his eyes.

"Come on, kid. Live a little."

It was final, and they wouldn't take no for an answer. We toasted to good times and training, Angel mentioning a prayer to the Sex Gods in hope that he might get laid soon. Perverted men...

"So Ed, whacha think about going to Japan this summer?" Taylor spoke with a thick cloud of cigarette smoke.

"Japan? Really?"

Angel whined from the corner, already a bit drunk. "Hey, T! Remember those Tokyo Twins?"

"Angel, that's not appropriate-"

It was too late. Within milliseconds, Angel took advantage of his own invitation and waded over to me.

Being this close to other naked men was awkward...

Wait hold up a second. Pause. I know what you're thinking. What the hell does this have to do with anything? Why did I skip back to the beginning? You'll see, just sit tight for a moment.

Anyways you wonder why aren't Angel and Taylor gay? Honestly I wonder the same thing. Occasionally when the smart ass in me would speak up regarding their "relationship" it usually earned me a whack in the head with a coffee mug. The two really were inseperable, and I expected the two to tie the knot at the end of their career or have a lovechild. If only my foreshadowing was aware to me before, I would have included more tits.

Okay, caught up? I'm gonna quit narrating now and get back to Angel's Tokyo story... the scoundrel.

"And so... after I got into the VIP room, these Harijuku Ganguro twins came over asking for my autograph."

"Bullshit." Taylor chuckled in between sips of his drink.

Angel punched his shoulder. "Anyways, they started calling me Edward Cullen or something like that..."

I face palmed. No, no, no Japanese Twilight fan girls...

"...We went home to their shack, and they had this device like a hooka-"

"A what?" I asked.

Angel held up a finger to me. I shut my mouth. "Hold on. So these retro geishas had opium. And I almost don't remember the threesome.."

"Those girls were FIFTEEN, Angel!" Taylor shook his head. "You were 36!"

Angel smiled with pride, sticking his chest out and all. "Nobody could tell with my godly looks."

I snorted. It was true. Angel Demetri was 41 years old, and was blessed with the body of a 25 year old. I would not be surprised if he was on the cover of GQ magazine as one of the sexiest males alive… not that I would concur, or call him sexy… ANYWAYS.

Taylor chucked a solo cup at Angel's head. "You're a pedophile." He rolled his eyes, sipping the last drops of his beer. "Pass me another, dickbeater."

I found a ledge to sit on, breathing in the warm vapor from the hot springs when that all familiar fruity smell wafted past my nose.

"You know, T, I got a little something extra to pass around…" Angel smiled wickedly as he pulled out the little red box. "When I was away last summer, I did a little extra gardening, top secret, mind you…" He popped open the red velvet case, pulling out what looked like a cigarette, sniffing the object. I could hear Taylor cracking up behind me.

"A cigarette? Or is that a cigar?"

Angel lit it between his lips, mumbling. "Neither." A white cloud of smoke flowed out of it as well as an even different, bitter smell. "You ever have reefer, Ed?"


"Don't make the kid try pot if he doesn't want to, Angel."

Angel took a few more puffs, handing it to me. "This is pot?" I looked up to him, wondering if this thing would be the end of me. Never having smoked before, or even really had much alcohol in my system I was worried. Even though Taylor gave me a disclaimer, I knew that I would get shit for pussing out. "What do I do?"

The older black haired mentor sucked more air into his lungs, holding his breath. "Take a hit, and hooooold it til your lungs tickle." He grinned.

"Why the hell not…"

And this is why I don't smoke pot. I sucked on the end of the joint, instantly greeted by this odd taste and smell, the smoke seemed to brush my throat and lungs with feathers. I gagged, I coughed, it hurt. "ACK—AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Smoke poured out my nostrils and lips; I could faintly hear them both laughing at me. "Oh my god, it burns!"

Angel gave me a congratulatory pat on the back. "Take it like a man, Edward! Woo!"

"He's a lightweight… hahaha…"

I struggled to catch my breath, "IT BURNS!"

Taylor shoved a beer into my face, holding it up to my lips. "Here, wash it down."

I choked, splattering beer over the two of us, but it did manage to help my burning throat. "No… no more beer, no more…"

Angel planted himself next to me, offering up the joint once again. "Come on kid, if you quit now, it wont be worth it…" He nudged me, and somehow got the joint into my hands again. "Take another, come on…"

I reluctantly did so, this time it did not burn as much, but as usual I always had something to complain about. "This tastes weird…" I handed it off to Taylor, not able to continue smoking anymore. His years of practicing getting lung cancer surely paid off when he sucked down a big hit.

He blew the smoke into my face, "Angel. What did you call this stuff, again?"

"Trainwreck. Burns like hot coals going down the chimney… revs you up, making your heart pound like a steam engine. Heh."

The nights following events were a blur to me, as I sat back and watched my two mentors act like drunken college students, as inebriated as I could ever imagine. I mostly concentrated on my heart rate, and how it seemed to pound within my chest, dizziness and waves of nausea began to ebb in. Uh oh.

They barely seemed to notice, laughing and making perverted jokes at each other for the past hour.

"Hey, Ange. You ever wonder how many virgins are still out there?"

"All the time, man. I can barely find anyone my age who hasn't shot out a baby or contracted a venereal disease."

"Like you should talk."

Angel pretended he was deaf, hovering over Taylor. "I'm sorry, what was that? Mr. I-got-knocked-up from a science experiment!"

Wait, what?

"Taylor got knocked up…?" I could barely speak.

Taylor looked my way, probably debating whether or not to smash my face in. "It was a figment of speech."

Yeah, right.

My questions now would be answered within time as I would soon learn. My stomach growled, tearing me from my thoughts. "I don't feel so good…"

Angel tilted his head, "You okay, kid?"

It came in monstrous waves as if it hit me all at once. My breath was in ragged pants, colors began to swam around the corners of my vision. "I feel… like my stomach… is gonna fall out my mouth…"

He frowned and felt my forehead. "That's not good."

Paranoia kicked in. "I'm not gonna die, am I? I feel like I'm gonna be sick…"

"No, you're not gonna die, Edward. Feel the high… let it lead you…" He cooed into my ear, and I could feel him rubbing my shoulders.

"It's leading me to HELL!" I burped, and covered my mouth. "Oh god, I'm gonna throw up…"

"NOT IN HERE YOU'RE NOT!" Taylor snapped into action and scooped me up in his arms quickly. The only thing I could focus on was…


"So are you!"

"Let me go, let me go, I'm gonna be sick!"

Before I knew it, he dropped me onto a pile of soft, warm blankets inside my tent. How the hell did we get here? Taylors shook his head at me, pushing me down. "Stay here."

No problem. Moving was not an option at this point.

"I feel sick…" My head hurt, my stomach churned… this sucked.

"Sleep is the best for it. I'm going back to the hot springs til I pass out. If you need anything, get it yourself."

Gee, thanks.

I did not even care anymore about my nudity, or the fact that Taylor was stark naked either. He got me a bottle of water, chugged a beer for himself and headed back out as I succumbed to an intoxicated slumber…

"You gonna keep boiling in there or what?" Taylor stumbled back into the shrubbery surrounding the hot spring pool, crushing up his eighth beer can. His face was flushed, his stance wobbly and his long brown hair was tousled from the swing of previous events.

Angel sank lower into the water, slurring the words out of his rubbery lips. "Come back in here an' join me!"

He slipped on the rocks, splashing back into the natural sauna. "Whoooaaaa… I'm feeling a little funny."

Nodding his head in agreement, Angel arced his neck back letting a slight moan escape his mouth. "Me too… Grok was starting to get a little bigger."



Taylor's natural tan skin blanched to a pale white as he caught sight of the 'mushroom' head pop out of the surface of the water. "OH." He gulped, not sure what to do with his now erect best friend. "Why the hell is Grok like that…"

"I can't help it that he's happy!" The vampire-boy protested.

Taylor rolled his eyes, searching the cooler for the last of the alcohol. "Now I definitely need another drink…"

"Your liver is going to hate youuuu!"


Angel blinked. "Huh?"

The professor covered his eyes, turning away. "Angel, please put Grok away. It's having its effects on me…"

Angel looked at the water around his best friend's waist. "Are you starting to get…?"

Taylor nodded. "Damn drinking."

Angel burst into fits of laughter, pulling himself up to wade over to Taylor. "Aww they're happy to see each other! Remember in the battalion when we compared sizes?"


"Let's see if its changed at all!" Before Taylor could even move away, Angel nudged his shoulder, standing mere inches away. "Yeeeeeep, still half an inch bigger!" He earned an elbow in the gut, disguising his pain with a chuckle.

Taylor sneered, "Put your cock away, Angel, before it bites someone."

"You're just jealous."

"Am not." He pushed Angel's shoulder.

"Are too!" Angel shoved him back. The alcohol rendered the professor empty of his vertigo, promptly causing him to slip into the water—snatching the object nearest to him.


"Ahhhh! ANGEL—You're POKING ME!" Taylor screeched in panic as his best friend was pulled ontop of him, and pinned him to the rocks…

Angel shook the blur from his eyes, blanching when he noticed the current situation. "I'm wha…?!"

Taylor tried to push him off. "GROK IS TOUCHING MY LEG—MAKE IT STOP!"

"I can't help it, he has a mind of his own!"

"We gotta do something to stop it! What turns you off?"

"Um… guys?"

As alcohol is usually famous for, common sense was tossed out the window and fed to the dogs. Taylor shrugged desperately, "That works!" Not thinking, he cupped Angel's cheeks in his hands, leaned in, and pushed his lips on his best friend's, kissing him.

Angel was robbed of any intelligence, responding to the gesture instinctively. Their lips moved against each other, their hands moving down each other's bodies.

Taylor broke off, staring Angel in the eyes. "Did you stick your tongue…? Nevermind, I don't want to know. Is it working?"

Angel stared down in horror. "It's NOT!"

"Angel, your cock—Your Grok, it's…!"

Before he could say anymore, Angel caught him with his cat-like reflexes, sealing his lips again over his best friends. Neither could think, talk, or understand what was going on. They continued to make out, sliding over to the ledge in the water.

Angel pulled at the professor's brown tendrils of hair, pushing him against the rocks. Taylor's frame shook in ecstasy, trembling until strong hands laid upon his hips.

He squeezed his eyes shut, drawing in a harsh breath of air. Angel's warm body pressed against his, and within seconds, made their body one. The breathed together, panting, sweating, beyond any level of sober, gripping onto one another until they had both finished.

Taylor's mouth hung agape as he attempted to smoke down the rest of a cigarette as the events of the past twenty minutes plagued his sobering brain.

Angel groaned against his shoulder, smacking his lips. "Remind me to thank the Colonel for an amazing camping trip…"

Taylor spoke monotone. "My ass hurts."

Angel laid his head back, shutting his eyes. "You'll feel better later, buddy…"

Passing out for him, was a bad mistake.

I woke up feeling like my head would come exploding out of ever orifice, the light from the new morning forcing me back into my sleeping bag like a vampire. Maybe this was why they called Angel a vampire all the time…

"What a fucking night…"

I blinked the sleep from my eyes, excited to notice that I had not pissed my bed, thrown up or soiled myself in any way, shape or fashion. I looked to the other sleeping bags.


"Taylor…? Angel?"

I pulled myself over to the tent, locating the zipper and yanking it down. I could only stare.

There was Angel. Ass naked, passed out face down in front of our tent.

"What the hell happened?"

"Shit happens when you party naked."

I looked across the coal pit to see Taylor curled up in a lawn chair, having his morning cigarette. He seemed to have had a very long night, and my mind wandered back to the moron laying in the dirt. "Why is Angel…?"

"Don't know either."

He was obviously lying, and trying to avoid the subject by walking off.

"Hey bud, you're walking funny. You okay?"

He glared over his shoulder. "Slipped getting out of the bed- hot tub… hot SPRINGS. Fell in." His face turned beet red. "Fuck you, kid. My head hurts."

"What the hell is up your ass?"

That seemed to irk him. "A broomstick. If you wanna take it for a spin, I'll shove it up your ass and throw you on the spit."

I sighed as Angel began to groan.

"And we're back to normal…"

…Or so I thought. The next few weeks would change our lives forever.

Mpreg begins next chapter, this was just to show how two straight men are able to make a love child... Oh boy.
Review please? :3