The voice that somehow was a part of me
The eyes that blinked "I love you" perfectly
With a little fib, I let all of it slowly fade away
If we were to grant the wish we wished the most
someone else will lose something that they hold close
Alois Utau's Pov
We met back in middle high. We are seatmates back then and of course, since it's our first year, neither both of us knew the names of one another. But like every simple meeting, we talked it off like normal people not expecting that it will become deeper over time.
"Alois! Good morning!"he called to me as he run close to where I am.
It's already our 2nd year in middle high. And it's our first day today,, like planned, we waited for each other near the school gate since we had decided that we'll our class together
So as soon as we met up, we finally went to check the classes pasted on the bulletin board where students are already crowding at.
"E-Excuse me~"I said as I make my way to get in through the tiny spaces.
But as I was squeezing my way in,, I felt a force push me backward and so I ALMOST fell backwards on my butt.
And I said ALMOST because as I was about to fall he suddenly catch me and I landed in his warm comforting arms
"You okay Alois?"he asked me as he helped me stand straight again.
"Yeah, I'm fine... I guess I'm just too careless"I said with a slight smile on my face and as I scratch the back of my head
But even with that act of idiocy of mine to convince him that I'm fine, he's worried expression still remains in his face.
And before I could once again speak some reassuring words. he pulled me to the side not far away from the crowd but much safer.
He then patted my head and smiled at me. Then he said,
"I'll check while you stay here, 'kay?"
I felt my face burn and turns red. Luckily, he has already turned his back on me.
After a few minutes of him gone and me standing and watching the chaos near the bulletin board, I then saw a figure of him finally approaching me. Though his condition earlier is much better than now. Because as he slowly walk towards me with his hair shadowing his eyes... I noticed that some of the buttons of his uniform is now unbuttoned. His hair is much messier... and laslty.. the way he walk is like his knees are going to collapse any moment.
And as I am watching him, I just noticed that he is already in front of me. I was going to ask what happened when he suddenly hugged me
"A-ah.. O-Oi! H-Hiro-kun! What do you think you're doing!?"I asked with my voice raised. I tried struggling but when he remained unmoving I just stopped and waited for him to speak.
"Thank goodness~"he finally said, relief evident in his voice
What exactly happened?
"Oi? What's wrong with you?"I asked. But now much calmer. Since I fully know that I'm so not calm because my heart is really beating fast
"We're in the same class again..."he then said
That's what took over us
Really? I'm in the same class as him? I can't help but become overwhelmed with happiness. I can't believe it. That only means I can still see him in class~!
When I finally wake up from this relief and happiness state of mine. And he finally released me in his hug that left us staring at each other directly in the eyes. I then tried finding the voice that suddenly disappeared in my throat
And when I finally did, I cheered!~
"YEAAHH! THAT'S GOOD HIRO! I'M SO HAPPY!"I shouted while jumping up and down. But it's not only me... even him is shouting with me.
I had never expected that, that will be one step for our relationship to start
"I'm sorry but,, we had done everything to save him...but." the doctor said to Hiro-kun's parents as he looked away from them feeling sorry for Hiro-kun's family
I saw that his parents are also crying as they heard that. Hiroki's Mom is crying in the shoulders of her husband while Hiroki's dad is trying to be strong for both him and his wife.
And with just that scene,, I felt my tears rushing up to my eyes once again. I suddenly just found myself softly sobbing as I turn away from them
Maybe,, If Hiroki's not supposed to visit me maybe,, maybe he'll still be alive until now right? Maybe if I didn't have this stupid eye defect then he'll still be breathing right now? He might be laughing and happily smiling at me telling me how he loves me very much and how his feelings will never falter.
It's all my fault, ne?
It's all because of me right?
'Shh... Alois... it's not your fault..'
Because of that sudden voice that seems really familiar I stopped my soft sobbing for awhile and hoped that the voice will once again speak to me
'It had never been your fault.'
'Also,, please, stop blaming yourself. I know you would try to hold on...even as you crumble. So please... let go of me.'
It's his... Of course it's his. He is the only one who owns this sweet comforting voice
'Please don't cry... please smile..tell me that.. you'll be just fine even if I'm not physically beside you'
When he said that,, I can't control my sobs anymore. Everytime I tried to stop it that moment,, I just ended up crying even more
How could I not cry when you're not here?
How could I smile when I know you'll never be able to smile at me and laugh with me the same way again?
How could I tell you that I'm just fine and alright,, when I clearly know that I am not,, and will never be?
How Hiro? How?
And once again,, as I was crying... I felt his warmth slowly embraced me again.
it's like he's hugging me for the last time
It's like he's trying to show me that he'll never leave me no matter what happens
'I love you Alois,, so please... stop hurting yourself because of me okay?'
And with that,, I ended up crying like a kid.
I heard Hiro's mom and dad approached me and tried to calm me down. Saying that everything will be alright. And that Hiro-kun will not like it if I cry like this because of him
They know how much I love him that's why I think they are doing their best to comfort me
That's why I guess,, I'll promise that this will be the last time that I'll ever cry hard like this again
But not crying doesn't mean I will forget about him
It's just simply saying that I will never forget him that's why I'm going to smile and laugh like how I did with him..
++3 months later++
It has already been three months since that painful goodbye with my dear Hiro.
And this past few days and months, I had done my best to be normal.
Of course at first,, it's really hard since when you love someone it's always hard to forget.
But as time passed,, I somehow managed to move on. I did not forget about it at all. But at least,, I had managed to get some strength and hope to keep moving ahead in the future
That's why here I am seating in our favorite bench. The bench where we had our first kiss in our first date.
I can still remember it clearly...
"Alois, let's take a picture together~!"he called to me as we are sitting in a bench under a big sakura tree
"O-Okay..."I said as I leaned closer to him
He just grinned widely as he put his arms around me and hold me closed to him. Then with his free hand,, he hold the camera and placed it in front of us. And when he is finally sure that it will capture the two of us...
he pressed it.
Then he hurriedly checked the picture and so I did too. And there in that pic is me who is blushing madly and him grinning like an innocent child.
That time I just wanted to disappear because of embarrassment but then suddenly...
"Alois!"he called my name
Not knowing his intentions of calling me,, I lifted my head up from the camera's screen and looked into his direction only to be caught off guard
"UWWWAAAAAAAA! H-H-Hiro-kun! W-What did you just do!?"I asked while blushing furiosly. H-He just kissed me in the lips. Even if it's just a smack... my heart is still beating as fast as it can! It's like someone is chasing it and it's running for safety!
But being the oblivious and innocent boy he is... he just grinned even wider and me then he suddenly hugged me
"I LOVE YOUUU ALOISSS!"He screamed and I noticed that it gained many people's attention making me blush even more...
But even with that,, I still can't help but be happy that I fell in love with him. That he is my first kiss. And that he loves me that way I love him too.
*END OF FLASHBACK*
geez,, why am I crying once again..
Because of some tears escaping my eyes,, I wiped it furiously until it is all wiped off. After doing so,, I once again returned my attention into admiring the peaceful and lovely environment surrounding me.
that is until my phone vibrated..
Seeing that someone had texted me,, I flipped my phone open and saw that there is one message...
And so thinking that it's just a simple message for either my friends or family,, I opened it.
But what's written in the message caught me off guard.
And like what happened in this whole story of ours,, I ended up crying once again
But this time,, I didn't bother to stop it
How could I do that when the one I loved whom I know is completely gone just sended me something important?
I'm not scared at all... since the date is the same date of his death.
Though enough of that nonsense details... I just can't help but even after death... he still...he still really-
TO: Alois Utau
From: My dear Hiro-kun
I LOVE YOU 3
-loves me very much
And with just that one message,, all my effort I had put not to cry is wasted. It all disappeared just because of that message. And just that one day,, I had cried once again like there's no tomorrow
I cried like a kid as I hold the phone close to my heart.
I love you too Hiro-kun
and that will remain for all eternity
And until that one day
I will surely hope we will meet again in heaven