Trapped in My Own Insanity

If I fell into the ocean of my saddened emotions, Would you rescue me?

If I wore the velvet-black ribbon you gave me and I ran in the rain to find you,
Would you wait for me?

If I gave you everything I am and took everything you were,
Would you love me?

All these questions keep buzzing in mind, Swirling, Shifting,Twisting, Through the great divide inside my mind, Hurting me more than the times I pricked my fingers just see them bleed, Just the feel the pain.

You were my only constant, like a shooting star that flashed against my black and lonely skies, blinding me in your light and forever drowning in your love, only in your love.

You were my salvation, A foolish dream that I kept having, That I would close my eyes and pray so hard,
To an untitled god that he, would send you to me, My angel, my light that would save me from myself.

I'm broken.

These demons that live within me, control me, So many times have I had the urge to kill you, To snuff out this light that ignites my soul and burns my flesh To destroy the dazed and dazzled feeling that begs for me to hold you, That yearns for me to reach out and touch you, Just once, so that maybe a person as cruel as I could know what it's like to live.

To know what it's like to love. It hurts to love you, to be so close to goodness it leaves me blind,
To hear your voice so pure it leaves my world almost soundless, I feel like I'm losing my mind

I'm trapped in my insanity, A mindless battle in the belly of a beast, My inner monsters slowly circling around me,
Closing in and I thought I was gone.

But you reached out your hand and saved me.
You grasp my war roughened wrists and pulled me up towards your light, encircling me in your arms.
Oh my love, my life that has answered all my questions.
You would rescue me if I fell into the seas, You wait for me if I ran to find you, You would love me if I gave you everything that I am, You're the drug that relieves my pain, You're the air I breathe, You're the unending source of happiness that fuels my life eternally You are everything to me.

But as amazing as you are...
It's not enough, It's not enough to make me believe my love is worthy to have you, That someone as good and pure could ever truly be mine?
Not possible...

There is no happy ending for me, only pain. I'm forever cursed to live in such an existence where right and wrong, Both blurred and I'm stuck not knowing where I stand in the balance. Maybe they were right, maybe I'm not marked for happiness,
Maybe my life will always be this, Darkness, and burning decay, For as much as you claim to love me, I will always be alone, trapped in this bottomless pit of my insanity, And I fear I can't get out.

To be continued in 'Breathless'..

Stay tuned...

A/N: Hey guys, just wanted to give you a heads up, this is Part 1 of two prolouge poems to a story I will be posting in the near future. This poems features on of the characters that you will get to know in the story but I'm not giving too much away yet. It's still a work in progress so bare with me here. And for those of you following me on and know me best as Crystal_Venom21, I AM NOT DEAD! Just busy, I promise, I will return to you and those stories as soon as I am able. Much love.