If he wanted to die beautifully

this would be the place

on the lawn of his high school

on a dark Sunday night

so the staff would find his beautiful body

beautiful because the snow would keep it cold

and ostensibly fresh

He wasn't really


because you can't be fresh

if you died before being killed

the air was filled with a beautiful rain, heavy enough not to drizzle

but light enough to still enjoy

the fluorescent light on the wall of the cafeteria

made it look like fireflies were everywhere

and he had always liked fireflies

and enjoyed the idea of dying

in the company

of fireflies

so he sat down on the lawn

cross applesauce, he thought

or was it cross criss applesauce?

He couldn't remember

He pulled from his pocket

a flask

he had bought ironically

because he never drank

but now it was filled with something from his dad's liquor cabinet

and he drank almost a mouthful

and his mouth was like an ocean topped off with air

and he opened his mouth and dropped in the carefully counted

thirty pills

twenty-five to kill him

and five for good luck

he swallowed

the next morning

the school held a memorial

but it was only ASB because no one knew the boy

or liked him enough to hold one themselves

and the slackers went to grief counseling

to get out of their vocab quizzes in Spanish

and the air was filled with drops of rain

which fell into the earth

dying silently

like a boy on the lawn of his high school

on a perfectly beautiful Sunday night