If he wanted to die beautifully
this would be the place
on the lawn of his high school
on a dark Sunday night
so the staff would find his beautiful body
beautiful because the snow would keep it cold
and ostensibly fresh
He wasn't really
fresh
because you can't be fresh
if you died before being killed
the air was filled with a beautiful rain, heavy enough not to drizzle
but light enough to still enjoy
the fluorescent light on the wall of the cafeteria
made it look like fireflies were everywhere
and he had always liked fireflies
and enjoyed the idea of dying
in the company
of fireflies
so he sat down on the lawn
cross applesauce, he thought
or was it cross criss applesauce?
He couldn't remember
He pulled from his pocket
a flask
he had bought ironically
because he never drank
but now it was filled with something from his dad's liquor cabinet
and he drank almost a mouthful
and his mouth was like an ocean topped off with air
and he opened his mouth and dropped in the carefully counted
thirty pills
twenty-five to kill him
and five for good luck
he swallowed
the next morning
the school held a memorial
but it was only ASB because no one knew the boy
or liked him enough to hold one themselves
and the slackers went to grief counseling
to get out of their vocab quizzes in Spanish
and the air was filled with drops of rain
which fell into the earth
dying silently
like a boy on the lawn of his high school
on a perfectly beautiful Sunday night