I sometimes miss having a family,
rather than a disparate group
of people connected by blood.
But loneliness begets loneliness,
and I'm better left alone.
I sometimes wonder what I could offer
to a society I am repelled by,
a distant onlooker who can no longer
be bothered to lift his eyes.
It would be nice to know that I belong
if only for a little while.
It would be nice to see a smile I could be sure
wasn't feigned or that of long-suffering
tolerance, but that's more of my neuroses
than my truth.
I've made an enemy of normality,
and created a paragon of contradiction
as my standard.
I would rather die than live on someone else's
But what the heart wants and what the soul needs
are often as conflicted as my mind.
I love, and I hate, and I rage in my anger,
as often inwards as out.
But even the strongest storm loses its pace
if it lasts an age.
Self-awareness is elusive, but I'll hold
this tiger by its tail as long as I can.
I think I'll die the day I let it go.