"A Word on Plays"

Cast of Characters

- Tennessee Williams

- George Bernard Shaw

- Lorraine Hansberry

- William Shakespeare

- Arthur Miller

[The troupe, sans Miller, gathers in Limbo to discuss their former lives among themselves.]

Tennessee: Ughh, we've been down here forever!

George: What part of "eternal punishment" did you not understand?

William: I know, I can hardly stanza it.

Lorraine: Will, what have I told you about puns?

William: I know, I know…something about the three laws of Punbotics.

Tennessee: Look, man, it's bad enough that we're down here forever. We don't need your plays on words torturing us too.

Lorraine: Why not? I like a man who has good wordplay.

George: You've got a point there…Mrs. Puns-berry.

Tennessee: NO! PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!

William: Hark, what light through yonder ceiling breaks?

[Roof opens. A large hand releases Arthur Miller.]

Arthur: Hey guys, just thought I'd drop in!

George: What's hanging?

Arthur: [Squinting into distance] Judas Iscariot, apparently. [Shouting] Yeah, Dante, you got that one wrong!

Offstage Voice: Screw you too!

Arthur: And Dante, my life gave me an idea for a rebranding of your epic…what about Disco Inferno? Ehh?

Tennessee: No! 70's music is the only thing worse than puns!

Arthur: Ok, so why are we even here, anyway?

Lorraine: We're in Hell. There's no reason for anything.

William: No, I think you're wrong there. We do have a porpoise! Hey, Free Willy! [Offstage dolphin noise]

George: …Ok, well back to the newbie. You, look pretty rough, Mr. Miller.

William: Like he just passed through…The Crucible?

Arthur: [In hushed tone] Billy, are you sure you want to do this?

William: Prepare to face your im-pun-ding doom!

Tennessee: [Sobbing] What have we pun? No, he's infected me too!

Arthur: [Cracks knuckles] Well, there's no stopping now.

William: Puh-leeze, this only the tip of the 'Speare!

Lorraine: So how are we gonna do this, Shaw-ty?

George: Like I'd talk to an old lady that looks like A Raisin in the Sun!

Lorraine: Sounds like sour grapes to me!

William: Fools, don't try to stop me! The Tempest cannot be held back!

Tennessee: [rocking back and forth] Please…please just make it stop.

George: Just shut up, the only Ten-I-see!

Arthur: You too, you stupid Merchant of Venice!

Lorraine: Maybe we should calm down, guys.

Arthur: You're not serious, are you?

George: Yeah, all this seems like…

William: Much Ado About Nothing? [Maniacal laugh]

Tennessee: Find a happy place…find a happy place…

Lorraine: Wow, this Tennessee guy sounds like a Volunteer cry-erman!

Arthur: Is he always like this?

George: Yeah, we never know what to do about him, so we'll just pun-t on him again!

Tennessee: But, these jokes…they're…

William: A Comedy of Errors?

Miller: [Sigh] This guy's psyche seems about as fragile as A Glass Menagerie!

Lorraine: Dude, that try sank like an innocent "witch"!

Miller: Too bad! It's Miller time!

Lorraine: Ok, fine. Arthur.

William: Arthur, you can tell jokes As You Like It.

Tennessee: [Weeping, to audience] This is my eternal pun-ishment…

William: Well, All's Well That Ends Well!