unbecoming
they told me:
i wanted it
i deserved it
i asked for it

and (maybe) i did

because my body
seemed to welcome
it
seemed
to be wanting
the touch with a touch
of its own dripping over
nonononononononono
with a yes lost
from my mouth
into his. i am
lost in his everything lost
in me

with the darkness
as i am uncreated
on this first day:
let there be no
light

and so it was.

at his hands
at his touch
starting the reaction: decomposition
into darkness
into dust

i am a soul trapped
in necrotic flesh;
i must reach inside and
escape

(i am not in my eyes)

.

.

.

a/n: not a personal experience, but the experience of a friend