Before we begin...
Readers be advised that this story contains (non-explicit) nudity, pervy jokes and sexual references, as well as alcohol use, and minor coarse language.
No lemons were used in the making of this fiction. It is 100% citrus free!
(—Well probably more like 90%... or maybe 80%...)
This story is currently rated T and recommended for ages 15 and over. Should any lemons make their way into the mix, the author will be sure to change the rating accordingly.
0: The smell of roses in the morning.
When you wake up in the morning and… there's a girl in your bed?!
Roses. Something smelt like roses. The sheets rustled as Kazuo sniffed and pulled it closer for warmth. He felt a hand brush gently across his chest and a soft, silky leg slide against his. He sighed contentedly. This is nice…
When was the last time he'd had someone sharing his bed?
He frowned. Wait…
His eyes snapped open. Sharing…
Very slowly, he turned his head and stared at the girl using his arm as a pillow. The cogs in his brain whirred as they struggled to process the information being sent in from his eyes. He blinked, waiting for it to click.
There's a girl…
She frowned slightly in her sleep.
A naked girl…
She shivered slightly and moved closer.
In my bed…
WHAT THE HELL?!
1: The definition of manliness.
Crocodile tears really do work sometimes.
Monday, five days ago.
"Come on, Kazu, I'm begging you! We just need one more guy to make the numbers even and you're the only one I can ask!"
Hiroyuki Kazuo scowled and shook his head obstinately. "No way in hell, Kenji. Do you remember what happened last time I let you drag me to one of those things? Do you?!"
"Aww, come on, you don't need to be embarrassed," said Ken, struggling desperately to keep a straight face. "It could have happened to anyone. None of us could tell that she was actually a dude either." He coughed. "…Pfft."
Kazu narrowed his eyes dangerously. "You. Just. Laughed."
Kenji furrowed his brow and shrugged his shoulders with feigned innocence. "Laugh? What laugh? I didn't laugh. Who would laugh at the idea of their best friend… almost getting done… by a trap… pfft—wahahahahaha!" He collapsed into peals of uncontrollable laughter and banged his fist against the table.
"Oh, stop laughing, virgin."
Kenji obeyed and looked up, his right eye twitching. "That's low, dude. And I'd rather be a virgin than have almost done it with another gu—"
Kazu rolled his eyes. "I'm leaving." He slammed his hands down on the table and stood up to gather his books and storm out when something sharp hit him dead centre in the forehead and bounced onto the table. He picked it up. A pencil?
He glared at Kenji, who blinked and held up his hands in a gesture of innocence.
"Don't look at me, I didn't throw it."
Kazu frowned at him.
"No, seriously, dude. It wasn't me, it was—" He turned around and froze, "…her. Oh, seriously?!"
Kazu looked up, past Kenji's firmly gelled black spikes, and locked eyes with a girl scowling at him from two tables away. He groaned quietly as he recognised her: pale skin; sleek, jet-black hair slicked back into a bun; sharp amber eyes behind rectangular, steel-framed glasses; crimson lips pressed together in a perpetual frown…
Hyouko Reina. The Ice Queen.
He forced a smile onto his face. "Good morning, Hyouko-san."
She pushed up her glasses, narrowed her eyes at him and hissed, "Don't 'good morning' me, Hiroyuki-san. In case you haven't noticed, this is a library. And unlike some people I am trying to study, which is impossible with your idiotic squabbling drowning out all my thoughts."
Kazu and Kenji exchanged silent glances: Kazu's chastened, Kenji's disbelieving.
"My apologies, we'll be quieter."
Kenji snorted. "Dude, what do you mean 'sorry'?!" He pulled a face at Hyouko and gestured at the other small groups chattering away in different corners of the room. "Come on, you can't say that we're being louder than all of them put together."
"Was I talking to you, Kurojuu-san? No." She lifted her chin. "At any rate, they are doing research for group projects. You are not."
"Ha! How would you know? Did you go eavesdrop on their conversations too?"
"No, I simply used my astute powers of observation—something which you clearly lack. They have reference books and are writing reports. You are not."
"I think you need to get new lenses, four-eyes," retorted Kenji, reaching for his notebook and holding it up for her to see. "See this? I just finished writing it. It's an essay."
"Which is an individual assignment, thus rendering your need to discuss with Hiroyuki-san obsolete. I mean, really, it's not even nine o'clock and here you two are, talking as loudly as you can about goukons of all things."
Kenji smirked, "Jealous that you didn't get an invite?"
She let out a derisive laugh. "Oh, please. I'm not interested in those kinds of things."
"Virgin," she shot back.
Kenji choked and spluttered as the dreaded word dropped from his enemy's lips. "Y-y-you—" Steam practically erupted from ears. "What did you just call me?!"
She peered at him from over the top of her glasses and arced an eyebrow. "Well you are, aren't you?"
"OF COURSE I'M NOT!"
Kazu sighed as a chorus of, "Sssshhh!" echoed around them. It's like watching a verbal tennis match, he thought as he watched Kenji flush bright red and shoot the rest of the library a glare.
"The hell are you lot looking at?!"
I think it's time to go, mused Kazu, sweeping his stuff into his satchel as the several librarians turned their heads to follow the sound of Kenji's shout. He sighed, "You're making a scene, Kenji…"
"Of course I'm making a scene! She called me a—"
Kazuo sighed again, grabbed Kenji's bag and shoved it into its owner's hands before grabbing him by the collar and dragging him off towards the exit.
"K-Kazu, what are you doing?! U-unhand me! I need to prove to that prude that I am the epitome of manliness!"
"Right now all you're proving is that you're a big baby. Oh, and look, now the library staff is coming to kick us out—come on. Oh wait—"
He paused at Reina's table and put down her pencil. "You probably need this back," he said, giving her a nod, and then turned around and walked away.
"Rrrrraaaaaagh! She pisses me off so much! I've hated that damned snooty, cold attitude of hers since high school! Gaaaaah!"
Kazu was silent as he followed Kenji through the courtyard. As soon as they'd stepped outside, the other man had let his rage run rampant. What a baby… he sighed, and then jumped as Kenji suddenly stopped and rounded on him, eyes watering with held-back crocodile tears.
"I can't believe she found out my precious secret! It'll be all over the university by the end of the day! My reputation as a super manly, badass stud is ruuuuined!"
…I don't think anyone thought that about you in the first place, thought Kazu as Kenji pretended to sob into his shirt. Gingerly, he patted his friend on the back, and said, "Kenji, if 'super manly, badass stud' is what you're aiming for, I don't think clinging to me and wailing is helping your image."
"Oh, you're right," muttered Kenji, and shoved Kazu away.
"Why are you shoving me? And here I was, kindly lending you my shoulder. See if that ever happens again."
"Bah, who needs your shoulder?" said Kenji with a dismissive wave of the hand. He scanned the complex with an expert eye and zeroed in on a pair of women in short skirts and lab coats heading over to the science building. He smirked and flashed Kazu a wink. "Now, Kazu, watch as Kenji the Stud works his magic on that group of girls over there! I'll show that damn prude who's a virgin… Hey, ladies! Who wants to show me a nice time?"
Kazu fought the urge to slap his palm to his face. Real subtle, Kenji...
The girls looked at each other and then burst into giggles.
"Are you talking to us?"
"Um, thanks but no thanks."
Kenji laughed and put his arms around their shoulders. "Aww… come on, ladies, don't be like that! How about a coffee? I'll buy!"
"Um, yeah, we're actually running late for a lab experiment so, uh, bye!"
And Kenji strikes out for the three hundred and fifty-sixth time since first-year middle school… thought Kazu as the two women fled, leaving Kenji standing there in a cloud of depression. He sighed yet again and walked over to him. "You okay, Ken?"
"Yeah…" mumbled Kenji, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans and trudging down the footpath. He groaned. "Looks like that's strike three hundred and fifty-five…"
"Three hundred and fifty-six, actually."
"You're a jerk."
"No, just honest," said Kazu with a straight face. He moved to follow after Kenji and accidentally knocked into a girl walking the other way. Automatically, he blurted, "Sorry. Are you ok?"
She blinked at him from beneath her fringe and flushed pink. "Oh, um, yeah. Don't worry about it." She smiled at him and tucked a loose strand of long black hair behind her ear. "Um, actually, I'm kind of new here, do you think you could show me where—"
Kazuo sighed as he felt Kenji grab his shoulder from behind. "Excuse me," he said to the girl, and turned around to shoot Kenji a glare. "What?"
"Hooooow do you doooooo that?"
"You are the most oblivious human being on planet Earth. What do you mean 'what'?! How do you get women to swoon as soon as they lay eyes on you? That's what!"
Kazu sighed. "What are you talking about? Now stop interrupting and let me help this girl with directions." He turned around again and smiled at the girl who flushed bright red under his gaze. "Sorry about him, he's experiencing some severe sexual frustration. What building were you looking for?"
"Um, building H, room 2.21."
"Okay, so go straight down here, then turn left and…" He gave her a quick explanation and sketched out a simple map on a piece of scrap note paper, well aware that Kenji was standing behind him, scrutinising his every move like a hawk watching its prey.
"Oh wow, um, thank you! You don't suppose you could walk me to—"
"Kaaazzzzuuu..." whined Kenji.
He sighed. "My apologies but I have to finish talking with the idiot standing behind me. Good luck finding your class."
"Oh, um, but—"
The rest was lost as Kenji grabbed Kazu by the shoulder again and whipped him around so that they were face-to-face. He peered up at Kazuo, tears leaking from the corners of his big, brown puppy-dog eyes, "Please, Kazu, I'm begging you! Come to the goukon and be my wingman! If you don't help me I'm going to become…"—he gulped—"a wizard."
Kazu stared at him blankly. "What the hell is a wizard?"
"You know…" muttered Kenji, making vague hand gestures.
"No, I don't."
Kenji scowled at him. "You're doing this on purpose, aren't you? A wizard is a…" He paused, his eye twitching and then finally whispered, "A thirty-year-old virgin. Waaaah, I can't believe you made me say it!" He let out a melodramatic wail and flung himself into dogeza at Kazuo's feet. "Please, man, don't let it happen to me! I'm begging you!"
Kazu sighed. The things I put up with…
"Get up, Kenji. You've still got nine years to make sure that doesn't happen. You only turned twenty-one two months ago."
"No! I refuse to move from this spot until you promise me that you'll go to the goukon!"
Kazu rolled his eyes. For a minute he was tempted to just walk off and see how long it would take for the other man to break that vow, but fortunately for Kenji, he wasn't that mean. "Okay, okay, I'll go to your stupid goukon—gah!" He fell face-first into the concrete as Kenji lunged forward and hugged him around the legs.
"You are the best bro a guy could ever have! We're meeting at 8:30 on Friday; I'll send you the address. You seriously are the best! I love you, man."
"Yeah, yeah, I know you do… now would you let go?"
I don't know if I should laugh or cry at the fact that I actually started writing this...
So much for taking a hiatus—*shot*
This story is a work of ridiculous fiction that is being written for pure entertainment.
...Please don't judge me XD
I had a hard time choosing which rating to put this under. M... T... M... T... MT... empty? O.o This story is directed more to the older crowd, but I've put it in T for now because it's not explicit. What do you guys think?
naming conventions and honorifics explained (courtesy of Tanoshima Manga books)
*Names are presented in order of Family then Given. e.g. Hiroyuki Kazuo — Hiroyuki is his Family name, Kazuo is his given name.
family name vs. given name: The way in which a name is used in conversation depends on the circumstances and the speaker's relationships with the listener and the bearer of the name. Typically the family name is used, with given names largely restricted to informal situations and cases where the speaker is older than, superior to, or very familiar with the named individual.
-san: This is the most common honorific, and is equivalent to Mr., Miss, Ms., Mrs., etc. Used with people you are not very close with, and when being polite.
-sama: This is one level higher than "-san". It is used to confer great respect.
-kun: This suffix is used at the end of boys' names to express familiarity or endearment. It is also sometimes used by men among friends, or when addressing someone younger or of a lower station.
-chan: This is used to express endearment, mostly towards girls. It is also used for little boys, pets, and even among lovers. It gives a sense of childish cuteness.
sempai/senpai: This suggests that the addressee is one's senior in a group of organisation. In this story it is used by younger students to address their upperclassmen.
kouhei: The opposite of "sempai", used to address underclassmen in school, or newcomers in the workplace.
sensei: Used for teachers, doctors, or masters of any profession or art.
-[blank]: Usually forgotten in these lists but perhaps the most significant difference between Japanese and English. The lack of honorific means that the speaker has permission to address the person in a very intimate way. Usually only family, spouses, or very close friends have this kind of permission. Known as yobisute, it can be gratifying when someone who has earned the intimacy starts to call someone's name without an honorific, but when that intimacy hasn't been earned, it can also be very insulting.
goukon — a group date
dogeza — kneeling directly on the ground and bowing to prostrate oneself as touching one's head to the floor