Day 1

I never thought that I would actually do this, write a journal. Much less post it online for anyone to read. It's funny though, because so much changes in your life, some things just don't matter anymore.

Revealing my private thoughts to complete strangers doesn't seem so bad. It's almost invigorating, like I have to do this.

Obviously it's not actually day one. What I mean by that it is simply the first day to write down my thoughts.

It's at this point in my life that I wonder what it must be like to be in love. Sappy right? A teenage girl complaining about not being loved, but as cliched as it is, it's entirely true. I want love. I want to be loved. I want to love! But that hasn't happened in eighteen years and I don't think it's going to happen anytime soon. I'm not sure why. I try to be nice, I'm not completely hideous, and I don't whine and carry on like a lot of girls. So what's the deal?

Honestly I don't know. I would love your input. Anyone have any ideas how to get a guy?

And not just any guy. The guy.

He's in my Health class. He sits at the other end of the room and just stares out the windows. he's completely gorgeous, with black curly hair and piercing green eyes and a smile that could turn your heart into butter.

Yeah, I know, nobody actually talks like that in real life. I guess I've always had a hard time holding onto reality.

The reality is simply that he's way out of my league. I'd be lucky to get one of those fat nerdy guys to be interested in me, much less one of the hottest guys in my high school.

Okay, that's a lie, he's not one of the hottest guys in school, but he is the most interesting. He always has this look, like he's trying to decipher the earth's mysteries. He's not mean to anyone, but he doesn't reach out. I think he must have gone through something awful because he used to be happy all the time. Now there's always a frown on his face.

I want to help him, I want to show him I care. Does anyone have any suggestions? How do I talk to him? What should I do? I really like this guy, I don't want to mess anything up.