Chapter 1

I wake up in the morning with a serious stomachache. After I thought about the previous night's indulgences, I know why. I get out of bed sluggishly. I hobble over to my vanity and stare vacantly into the mirror. Suddenly, emotion filled my heart. Tears pooled in my eyes, threatening to spill over. At this point, I didn't intend on keeping them in. They slid down my cheeks freely, leaving thin trails. I couldn't escape this. This constant need to eat, and for what? Just to feel guilty afterwards. I collapsed on my hardwood floor and curled up into a ball. This was just an endless cycle. After a while, I pick myself up and brush myself off. I wipe the tears from my eyes and stare back into the mirror. A broken, tired girl stares back. I turn away and sigh. I walk to my nightstand and grab my Iphone. 5:00am. Time to get ready for school, one of the things I dread most. I cringe, thinking of the taunts, evil grins. I'm almost on the verge of tears again. I shake my head to clear the thoughts away. I trudge to my bathroom and close the door. I undress and turn the water on hot. I step in. The water schorches my back but I don't care. I am beyond caring. I wash my hair and body. I switch the water off and steo out, quickly putting my pale blue robe on. I walk into my room and head for my closet, yet another thing I dread. Maybe, if you weren't so fat, you wouldn't dread it. I yelp. Great, now my own mind was insulting me. Of course, I had to remember, these are my thoughts, my mentality. I sigh and wrench open the closet door. I hastily yank out a black blouse and some L.E.I jeans, size 9. If only you'd try, you'd be a size0, just like the beautiful people at your school. But NO, you have to sit around, stuffing your fat, gluttonous face! my thoughts screech venomously. While my thoughts are right, they still hurt. The truth hurts. my thoughts sneer. I quickly slide the shirt over my head. I sigh at my bloated reflection. Like what you see? 'Cause this what you're gonna look like forever if you keep this crap! The voice snarls. I don't even try to search for another shirt because it'll look the exact same as this one. Again, if only you'd try! The voice screams. You could be beautiful, magnificent, enviable! You're just too lazy. The voice screeches. I throw my converse on, the only thing I wore that fit me. Of course. The voice scoffed. I sigh and grab my book bag and purse. I walk down the stairs to find my mother on the phone. "What do you mean she's underweight?! That is perfect for a model!" She screeched at whomever she was talking to. A unintelligible mumble came in reply. "137?! That's preposterous! She'd be much too overweight to be in anymore ads!" she snarled harshly into the receiver. My mom is the CEO of Victoria's Secret. No, she doesn't lounge around in lingerie and have sex with a lot of people. She directs the models' photo shoots, what the models wear during the shoots, and monitors their weight and their general physical appearances. "What do you mean, she's close to hospitalization?! For the last time, 98 is the perfect weight for Anya!" mom yells. See, Anya is perfect. A beautifully slim 98 pounds. Don't you want that? the voice fills my head with daydreams of being beautiful. Thin. I shake my head to clear it. "I gotta go mom!" I shout over my shoulder as I quickly head out the door. I was glad mom was on the phone. It didn't give her time to criticize me about my weight. If you were thin, she wouldn't criticize you! The voice sneered. I rolled my eyes and walked to the bus stop. I dread school. I saw the bus pull up and I sighed. The doors squeaked open and I stepped on. "Hey look! It's lardo!" a male voice screeched. While the comment wasn't very original, it still hurt. Again, if you were thin. this wouldn't happen." The voice said. "Leave me alone." I mumble. "Watcha gonna do?! Sit on me?!" the bus erupted in laughter at this joke, although it wasn't funny or original. Tears threatened to spill over and fall down my face. I race to the back with my head down. Quickly, before I could dodge it, a kid sticks his foot in the aisle, tripping me. The bus roars with another round of laughter. Silently, I head to my seat in the back. I sit down and pull my arms around my knees. "Aww! What's wrong lardo?! Forgot to make the second trip to get the rest of you?!" everyone laughs at him. The boy who is taunting me is Derek Wilson. He's tall with blond hair. He has an athletic body and a sly, taunting smile. All the girls want him, although I don't know why. He's such a jerk. "Or did the crane stop working?!" Derek's girlfriend, Allison Gray, jeers. "Quiet down, students." The bus driver, says. Of course, he had no intention of carrying out his order. "Leave me alone!" I yell. The bus goes silent. Mr. Carpenter, a large old man, comes hobbling to the back of the bus. "Now young lady, what gave you the reason to yell like that?" he's inches away from my face. "Derek and Allison won't leave me alone." I mutter. "Now why would those sweet kids bother you?" "Because they don't like me." I say. "Now, what did you do to make them not like you?" Carpenter asks. This kind of thing always happens. They always assume that I am the one that provokes Derek, Allison, and their group. "I didn't do anything." I whisper. The tears are close to overflowing. I look behind Carpenter and see Derek and Allison snickering. "Whatever you're doing needs to stop." Carpenter sniffs in disbelief and walks back to his seat behind the wheel. Anger filled my veins, having the feel of liquid fire. "Yeah, you need to stop." Kaitlynn, one of Allison's closest friends, grinned at me. Everyone on the bus was laughing at me. I stayed silent the rest of the way to school. It was my only way of surviving this Hell. I stare on in dread as the bus pulls up at Jenkins High School.