This came from a line in Chapter Six of alliscrashing 's story; "Can't promise things won't be broken." The line came from there, but the inspiration came from my life.
I haven't had the hatred of sound in my life,
And what happened doesn't normally haunt my dreams;
I haven't tried to kill myself, or desired to;
And I haven't had to hear my sister's screams...
But I have been beaten and bruised,
I have suffered the same rape and beration.
I know the pain of an abusive relationship,
And I know the cold grip of depression...
And I know what it's like to cry yourself to sleep, and to hurt yourself.
I know the addictiveness and struggle of Self Injury; it's like sniffing glue.
I know what it's like to feel all alone in the world...
I know all of those things. But how dare you?
How dare you assume my pain is less?
Do you know what it feels like? Do you know how bad it's hurting?
How could you; you've never experienced it.
I know this: because I haven't done those things.
You don't know what it's like; to watch and listen.
To be told stories and truths; those which I am unable to help. They hurt...
Stuck under a glass; I can see those things but I can not stop them...
I watch. I can't do it to myself, but I can't stop watching. This hurts...
You are my best friend in the world; and I love you more than life.
So it's torture; to watch you go through life; with such pain inside;
I can't do anything. I watch my only loved one go through so much pain;
So much pain that she questions life itself. That's why; every night I cry.
Why did you tell me? What else but this did you hope for?
Did you hope for sympathy; Like with you, a girl might have won?
I give you sympathy; but it's never enough; so It hurts all the more.
Girls are for sympathy; Men are for when you want shit done.
You wish them to go to your religion's afterlife; and simply have bad karma.
I wish them to go to the worst hell there is; child abuser hell; surely.
The hell where you are forever 5 years old, beaten and demeaned...
The hell where you stay and feel the pain you caused for eternity.
You wish to be gone from their house. I wish for them to feel everything you have times three.
You wish to be happy; and for them to be happy too: I wish for them to be in agony.
You wish them to be happy; and die loved and warm.
I wish them to die slow, cold and alone; with alongside them; nobody.
Every night; I picture the three of them... in my basement...
I take my metal flashlight and beat them as bloody as they made you
Cries, squeals; I only hit harder. I cut them as many times as you've done...
I'll leave them there and let them waste away. They see the me that's true.
You've told me not to do anything. To just be there for you.
Just give you sympathy; just watch as, on your shoulders; it all falls.
So you've told me to just stay where I am; in hell: Watching you die;
Watching the one I love slowly perish; Watching through indestructible clear walls.
How dare you? How dare you accuse me of not having gone through more?
I have half the pain of rape, and much less in the heartbreak and beatings; but it still hurts.
I have felt depression all my life, but never being found; I have hurt myself for years;
But this is the worst pain ever felt... even if the rest were multiplied. This I assert.
I can't rest another night; is what it seems like. I can't go to bed again.
I can't rest while they still breathe. I can't rest while they are happy.
I can't rest while you are unhappy at their expense; I can't see anything else.
I can't see the future. You've never felt this; Certainly.
How dare you. How dare you accuse me of not feeling your pain?
I feel it every night: I lie there and cry and think that if I feel it, you don't.
I sit and cry and sometimes cut; and I can't get away. I can't leave you.
I can't stop myself from hurting over this. Know how this hurts...?
You never can. You never will. Stop acting like you do.
You never can know how much I want him, him, him and her to be in worldly and eternal pain.
You can never feel the pain inside my heart because of what has happened to you.
You can never know the sheer agony that is my strain.
You can never know how much I wish that I was dead, as opposed to hearing that.
You can never know how close I am to murder-suiciding the one; plus the other two.
You can never know how much I will hurt them, the second I have the chance.
Sure; I will never know the true hurt you feel... but how... dare... you.