A/N: This is a little based on Ride by Lana del Rey, and also kind of a more focused, detailed moment from my story Gracie.
Daddy always says he's got a bad disease. He says it creeps up on him at night, makes 'im cry. Makes 'im think of better days, when I wasn't here.
He says he thinks I'll catch it too. He says mama had it.
He tells me about it when he's had one too many and he's been sittin' and staring at the ceiling.
He says it'll tear 'im limb from limb someday. Says it gets bad when the mist creeps in and covers the trees, gets worse when he sees an open road, and the worst of all is the desert. Daddy's in love with the desert.
He'll say 'girl, someday you'll see the desert, and if you're really mine it'll make you cry. You'll catch your mama and my disease from that desert, just you wait, but you won't care. All that open space, all that uncharted land just sittin' there waitin' for you to go out 'n get it.
'And you're gonna go get it, girl.
'You're gonna run through that painted sand someday. The red like blood, like some ol' war or another was fought there in that spot you're standin' on, and you'll feel the ghosts there, girl, the ghosts are always out in the desert.
'The blues are the ocean, and they'll bring a sea breeze in and chill ya to the bone. I never seen the ocean, but damn, the blue in that desert made it like I had. When the wind blows it's like the waves.
'The greens are deep forest, wild and filled with summer. They make you hear birds and just smell the summer comin' in on the breeze. Do you ever smell the summer, girl?'
I'll tell him I never have.
He always says I will.
After that no one talks. I'll try and imagine his desert.
He'll always start talkin' again after a while.
'The disease is bad, girl, I ain't gonna lie. When you ain't out in the desert you'll wanna be in the middle of city lights or at the top of a tree, just away, away, far away. I wanna see the city again. I wanna feel whole again—that's what this goddamn sickness does, it takes a chunk outta your heart and you wanna get it back.
'I wanna get out of this place, girl. I wanna run away. But I can't cause your legs are little yet. But someday, someday we're leaving this godforsaken farm and never lookin' back.
'You promise to run with me?'
And I'll always promise 'im. Yes daddy, yes, of course.
I just don't wanna make 'im angry. Once I asked 'im why I gotta run with 'im, and he looked at me, he didn't look far away no more, he looked here now and he looked at me and he just looked and looked.
Said I ain't like my mama.
Mama would run without askin' 'im where or why.
But normally after I promise we just are. He breathes in his summer air and I feel so small next to the whole big world he knows.
He knows what it's like to live. Even if he don't like it anymore, even if he just wants to leave, he's lived.
I don't know if I'm ever gonna.
One night I asked daddy what the disease is called.
He closed his eyes and thought about it.
'Wanderlust.'
A/N: Feedback is appreciated, and non RG reviews are returned.