Death is lingering in the air. I can smell the fear that comes with it. I've never heard them scream so much. The world is at end, and I can't do anything about it. I never understood why there was death. Nothing good comes from death, why is it here? Why is anything here? Is it just fate or is there a plan for us all? I wish for the death to stop, why doesn't it? Why does it never listen to me? Why? I ask so many questions, sometimes they don't have an answer. I need to stop asking question, that's what my mother told me, 'Never ask questions, just answer them' I can't answer, I have too many questions. I need someone who can answer me! Where is this person? Is there a person who can answer me?
I wonder where the sun has gone. Nowhere close to me, I always think, 'somewhere there is a happy place, with happy people and a happy me.' I don't want to believe, I want to live! I want to see the world! I want to save people! I want to be happy! There's so much I want that I can never have. So much I will never see. So much the world misses. So much, just so much. I wished, I wished on a star. I wished for a happier world, without the fear, without the death, without the hate and darkness. I knew that it wouldn't come true, but it did and it's now.
The war of flesh and bones.
I see the red fire outside my window. No one will ever tell me what to do again. I will rule this world and make it a happy place. Everyone will be happy, never sad, only happy. I still ask questions. The people still don't answer. I kill them. Their families wipe away their tears and say nothing. The world is mine now. No one can stop me. I will do what is good for these people, even when they hate it, I will still do it for them. I am their savior! I am their god! I am their ruler! They will never stop me from helping them! They think I'm hurting them, killing them, but I'm saving them! They don't know it, but I'm helping them. My finest men come into my office. Blood dips on to the floor, "Lord Joh'nathan, we n-need your help," one of them says. I stare out my window. I think of my mother. She was the best. She never failed me. I had failed her so many times and still she loved me. When she died, I was so sad, nothing could make me happy again. I thought that, but now I know the truth, saving our world is the only thing that will make me happy. Death is for so few yet so many. There are things around my world that tell me the truth. I know when one is not happy, I kill them. They are all unhappy. I don't understand! I kill one unhappy person and then they are all unhappy. Why don't they understand? The world is such a strange place. I have always wondered why people are always unhappy. I am happy. I turn around and look at my finest men, now the failures of my world, I am so angry. I need to stay happy, for my world, for my mother. "B'ro, you have failed me, but you shall still live to see the day your wife dies," I say. I sound too unhappy. I cough, I can't stop staring at B'ro's arms. The blood, the pain he must be in. I can see in his mind, he's happy, so happy, why? He is just going to die. How is death happy? B'ro can see I'm pondering. "What wrong?" He asks. I gaze out my window. The sky is bright red with fire, the children scream, the woman run, the babies cry, and I just sit in my office doing nothing. I feel like I don't do anything. I tell everyone what to do and they become the heroes! Why don't I? Why am I forgotten? Why me? Why can't I be the hero, just once? Everyone looks at me like I'm a murderer. I never hurt a fly, well maybe once...but that doesn't matter! What matters is that everyone hates me and I rule over them, so why can't they just be happy that they're not roaming without order? They will never understand and nor will I. I seek for the happiness in the crowds faces. I see no happiness, only sadness. The world seeks for the sad and not for the happy. I don't understand. I just don't.
B'ro hisses at me. I turn around. B'ro's arms are crossed. I see anger in his mind. "Stop looking in my mind, John," He says. He is not allowed to call me that. "What do you want, B'ro?!" I shout. I don't want to seem angry, but I am. I try so hard to make everyone happy and just fail over and over again. I am sad and angry. I don't want to seem it, but I am. The crowd outside holds signs that say, 'Down with Lord Joh'nny!' 'Stop the fake happy and start with the real!' 'Gone with Joh'nny!' I sigh, why is everyone so upset with me? Why do they want me gone? Why do I ask these questions still? I will never know. The people still chant outside. B'ro speaks softly, "I want what you want, the truth." I stop and I stare. The people outside, they cry, they scream for justice. I still don't understand them. I never will. I sigh, "The truth?" B'ro nods. "The truth is that I-" I hear music. I haven't heard music in years. "What is that sound?" B'ro says. I turn around. "M-mother?" She stands in the hallway. She smiles lightly. Her eyes glow in the darkness. She begins to leave. "Wait!" I follow after her. She looks behind herself and sees me. She stops, darkness takes her, "No, no! Not again!" I reach out for her. Her hand slips away. The darkness has taken her again. I cry. B'ro stands by me. He doesn't understand, now he knows what it's like to be me. I stand up and clean my throat. "B-B'ro, forget what you've seen," He stares, he knows he shouldn't but he does. B'ro puts his hand on my shoulder. He sighs, "Lord Joh'nny, the world is ruined with you and without you, there is nothing but war here." B'ro isn't making sense! "No, that is not true!" I shout. I fear the unknown, maybe that is why this war still rages. B'ro rubs the wounds on his arms. I can hear his pain. So much pain, I've never been in pain like that. I feel bad for B'ro, he has to live to see the love of his life die. I would never do such a thing. Things like that are...odd to me. I don't understand emotion. "S-stop reading my mind!" B'ro says, he rubs his forehead. "I-I am sorry," I say. My mind wanders to the wall, a painting hangs there. It is of a boy in a field and he's holding a sign that says, 'mother watches all' I try to hold back the tears. This can't happen. No, not ever! Someone has ruined my plans, why? Why can't I have one victory? Just once? They always take my victory! "B'ro, why can't I just rule in peace without these insane people attack me?" I ask him. He sighs, he can see it in my eyes. I'm breaking, I'm going to fall into pieces. I am a failure.