5/4/13

Who am I?

My name is [first name] [middle name] [last name]. My birthday is August 4th, [year], meaning I am [age] years old, [age plus 1] in a few months. However, I feel that I am much more mature than the average [age]-year-old. I know about... *cough* um... things... you know, those things. I know far too much. I have suicidal thoughts and I started cutting (well, more like scratching) yesterday. I cut for two reasons: 1) I lied to one of my best friends about cutting, so if I don't have any "scars" to show her, she'll get mad, and 2) physical pain makes emotional pain go away. I am possibly depressed or bipolar; in fact, it seems very, very likely to me. I hit people. I call them names. I annoy people and ruin their lives. I lie. I curse. I procrastinate. I despise bathing/showering and brushing/flossing my teeth. I don't listen to my parents. I am overly competitive. I manipulate people to get my way. I twist words around. I don't go to school if I don't want to, or I'm late to school if I don't want to get up early. I am sometimes too persistent. I have temper tantrums. I scream. Police came to my house because I yelled "Help!" while fighting crazily to convince my father to give back the bathroom doorknob that he had taken away as punishment. I do things on the Internet that my parents wouldn't want me to do. I'm bad in school despite my good grades, which doesn't make much sense, but is true anyway. I'm fat and ugly and I smell bad. I'm a nerd and I'm not cool and most people don't like me. I'm slowly turning into an emotionless suicidal cynic.

In other words, I'm as bad as a [age]-year-old can be.

But there's more to me than my bad side. I have a good side, too.

I am a good singer. I have perfect (or near-perfect) pitch. I love to listen to Beatles music, as well as Regina Spektor, The Shins, and occasionally Michael Jackson. I play the piano fairly well (although I don't like practicing). I'm usually really nice to people that aren't at home (ie people at school and not my family). I could be pretty if I were thinner. I've got friends. I love reading. I'm a good writer. I love nature. I do pretty well in school. I am a pretty good artist. I'm good with technology. I'm a fairly good actor (or actress, or whatever you want to call it- I'm not trying to be sexist). I'm good at figuring out riddles. I'm good at video games and I love Minecraft. I guess you could say I'm smart, clever, and creative, to sum it all up. And musical. And that's about it for the good stuff.

So that's me, basically. There's probably some more I could add... but I've said enough to convey myself accurately.

End of Entry 1.