i am going through some stuff. personal. possible trigger: sexual assault, anxiety disorder(?).

..

my mind is unraveling
a secret -
a passageway
to the places i have closed shut
for the sake of my being,
the sake of my sanity;
yet i am not well
blackness dotting behind my eyes
vacancy filling my throat
enclosing my lungs -
i could not breathe.

my palms are open
to the things i kept behind my lips;
you didn't tell me to stop
(oh god, please, just-)
and i feel mortified.

so, so
fucking dirty.

((i could not breathe.))


he noticed how i spaced out
recalling to the luring smiles you left.