This is a story based on a prompt I was given. The prompt goes as such:
Your character gets trapped in an elevator with someone he or she is afraid of (you decide why)...
Please review, constructive critisim is welcomed and greatly appreciated as this is my first story I have ever written and I like to learn from my mistakes. Hope you enjoy the story :)
Aiden was going to an interview and had even worn matching socks for the day. He was a young man, full of potential or so he liked to say. He checked his cell phone for the time as he walked up to the elevator; it was 10:30am. As he stepped into the elevator, a man quickly ran into the elevator with him just before the doors shut. Aiden shuddered and quickly pressed the button for floor 13. The man who had entered the elevator with him was dressed as a clown.
Aiden had had a phobia of clowns ever since he was 6 years old. He had watched a movie when his parents weren't home where the villain would dress as a clown to trick children before he killed them. It had scarred him mentally for life.
He watched impatiently as the number climbed higher, soon he would be on the 13 floor.
Suddenly, the lights went out in the elevator and it stopped moving on floor eleven. He quickly took his cell phone out of his pocket and turned it on to get some light. As the phone lit up the elevator he shrank back into the corner as he suddenly remembered who had entered the elevator with him.
With the dim light illuminating the clown's face, the clown extended his hand and said "Hi, I'm Bob Dale, how are ya?".
Aiden was too nervous to speak. Bob tried again: "What's your name?"
"Uhhhh" was all that Aiden could say for he couldn't speak as he just realised that he was trapped in an elevator with "Bob".
Bob kept trying: "I've just come back from a 6 year olds birthday party. Those kids are dead cute man! I remember this one time I went to this little girl's party, she had a blindfold on and was getting ready to hit a piñata but when she swung the bat to hit it, she hit me right in the stomach! Man that left a pretty big bruise. Little kids sure know how to pack up a punch you know what I mean? So, you look like you're going to an interview! Whatcha looking at doing here?"
This was ridiculous Aiden thought, a fully grown man like himself should not be afraid of a clown named Bob! Aiden quickly pulled himself together and decided to answer the clown's questions; "My name is Aiden Reed and I am planning on getting a job as a salesman here".
"Well howdy-do Mr. Reed!" Bob replied, "It sure took you a while to answer but I suppose being trapped in an elevator tends to unnerve you a bit don't it?"
"Yes, well it is very dark and I unfortunately have a phobia of clowns." Aiden told him.
"Well that's a shame ain't it? It shouldn't take too long before someone notices that the elevator has stopped. You do realise that a fear of clowns is rather ridiculous don't you? I mean, it's not like behind every mask is a murderer." Bob replied.
"Well, I have had a phobia of clowns ever since I was little and it's not so easy to get over." Aiden said. As he was speaking, Aiden thought he saw a strange glint in Bob's eyes but shook it off. No doubt it was the dim light they were in. Speaking of light, Aiden's cell phone battery couldn't last for much longer…
Suddenly Aiden was shook out of his thoughts due to Bob asking him if he wanted a breath mint. "Thank you, no point going to my interview with bad breath" Aiden said as he accepted the mint and put it in his mouth. It tasted odd… Not like an ordinary mint. Everything began to get hazy and he seemed to have difficulty breathing, then just before Aiden gasped his final breath and closed his eyes, he heard Bob say: "Oh dear, I'm afraid you might be a little late for your interview …"
It didn't take long before the workers managed to get the elevator to work again. As the doors opened, they quickly rushed to Aiden's side.
"It's too late" the clown said remorsefully, "He had a heart attack; he panicked when the elevator stopped working. He didn't last more than 5 minutes. I tried to help him to relax but he wouldn't listen."
"It's okay, you did what you could," said one of the workers "but we need to get you down to the hospital seeing as you are in shock." They carried away the body of Aiden on a stretcher as the clown stood sadly by, watching them cover his body with a white sheet.
Thanks for the reviews, you guys rock!
I have fixed up the story now so it has an explanation as to how Bob got into the elevator. Thank you for bringing that up.
I have also fixed up the paragraphs to make it hopefully easier to read.
A big THANK YOU to On the Rock for proof reading my story (countless times) and encouraging me :D