Midsummer Station is an ongoing project I'm creating. These are all one-shot stories that have no apparent connection, but all reveal an aspect of life. The ultimate goal is awareness, self reflection, and the unavoidable bridge we must all cross from childhood to whatever lies after. Adulthood, sadness, despair, anything could be there. Tragedy strikes in the face of all these lives, but we can go on from it if we look for light. Please enjoy these stories of love, loss, and life. Aki out~
~It is sad when someone you know becomes someone you knew~
Flash. The bright light burns into my eyes for a split second and as it dissipates I find myself standing there alone. I'm not physically alone, next to me stands my mother, my sisters, my young tiny niece. Across from us is a camera on a tripod, timed to take a picture of our smiling faces. I used to wonder when I was younger what others were thinking. Were their thoughts like mine? Did they think about their regrets, their problems, was it like a story unfolding everyday in their mind? I had long ended that train of thoughts, but as I stood their on mother's day surrounded by my family, I wondered what they were thinking. Were their minds filled with happiness or were they like me? A whirlwind of pain was spinning in my brain, mucking up with my sense of reality. I could easily make my face into a smiling form because my tears had long since stopped running. Over the years I had become an amazing actor, sometimes even convincing myself I was happy, surrounded by people. But it all too soon would come back to haunt me that I was really alone with no one who truly understood the pain in my eyes hidden behind fake laughter. I blamed them but truly wasn't it my fault? I had been the face of happiness, letting people burden me with their problems and annoying antics acting as a trustworthy friend but inside hoping one day I could make them shut up. I was a despicable person, secretly getting angry when it was all my fault in the first place! How had theses people made their way onto my life? Why was I allowing them to lie to me when I knew it? My therapist called me kind, caring. But in truth I was horrid, thoughts of hatred running in my mind when I faced these people I called friends. Friends wouldn't lie, wouldn't make you feel bad so they could easily overcome their own problems. Friends wouldn't abandon you when you were drowning in a sea of utter despair and grief. I had been there for them, dove into the waters and fished them out, help them learn to breath again. Now I was choking on the murky water of sadness, quickly sinking, already far from the surface, and the boat they were on was floating away. Somehow beneath the water I could still hear their laughter. It had come to the point where the metaphorical ocean became a bath tub filled with water, and I was sitting in it. I sank down slowly, tears streaming down my face. I breathed in the water, I sputtered, sobbed, screamed. I drowned, as alone as I had made myself. It wasn't their fault, it was mine.
These are all going to be a bit sad. The themes are despair, in all ways the word can mean. This girl was wrongly treated, and made to think it was all her fault because she never had anyone to listen. Don't let your friends fall beneath waters, please. Ciao~