I WISH

This was written shortly after my youngest son was born in 2006 and I was in a deep depression and feeling like worthless.

As a single mother of two boys,

Whom I love dearly, who are my joys,

Problems may arise from here and there,

Yet no answers could I find anywhere,

I am utterly lost and all alone,

Nothing but a loud humming drone,

Too much to do and not enough time,

This should really be a crime,

No help for me, no support to give,

How do I go on with life and live,

I am trying to do the best I can,

But on shaky ground I now stand,

Oh how I wish for the days of yore,

As a child, I walked on Tillamook's shore,

The surrounding beauty of the mountains, serenity of the sea,

That is what I wished for my little family,

To walk with my sons, hand in hand,

Upon the beach's soothing sand,

Things never turned out the way I desperately wanted,

So everything I have done has turned out haunted,

The guilt, the shame is all I feel,

No longer sure, nothing is real,

I have tried and tried to do what is right,

I am tired now, I can no longer fight,

Life is hard and life is cold,

I am not strong and I am not bold,

As I sit here and wait for you,

I am scared and do not no what to do,

I so hate feeling like this,

Where everything seems so amiss,

For my sons I wanted so much more, a better life,

Instead, all I gave them is unnecessary strife,

Unsure and unclear, I do not know what to do,

As a failure, damaged goods, I am heart broke and blue,

I have fought unending battles and crawled like hell,

To get out of this never ending well,

They need more than I can give,

They need a deserve a better life so they may live!