Part 1 Before Transformation
My name is Unknown; I was born in 1983. The family I was born into had a godly heritage. At a young age information was something I absorbed with fervor. I loved reading the Encyclopedia Britannica my then young parents bought. Not all was good however, the social abuse started from pre-k age onward.
I remember befriending kids in school that others disliked in turn making me an outcast on through middle school and sending me home in tears. Pre-teen years were hard as I turned to food in excess for the first time. Because of this by high school in the 9th grade the verbal hazing was over the top nasty. Over time I associated social acceptance with being thin. Joining weight watchers in the 10th grade, weight lost for the wrong reasons, attention that didn't last long and left me feeling empty.
A mission trip to China at age 17 in the beginnings of Borderline Anorexia having made the choice to steal my fathers diet pills. I chose to bring those along with me. The experience was life changing in many good ways, and one awful way. Upon the last 4 days in China I witnessed a man shot for reasons I didn't understand; seeing up close the entrails and gore birthed a darkness I'd fight until age 27.
When I returned to high school I towed my way through graduating finding myself often sobbing for hours in my room alone. My folks helped in the aspect of getting me out of bed to go to school. I graduated with a 3.8 GPA to go off to Collage in the fall of 2002.
From age 19-20 I started self mutilating bible verses on myself to a very sever degree. At age 20 I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome now known as High Functioning Autism. While all this madness was going on I continued to abuse 1000 mg of ephedrine a day, unable to see the difference between school work and reality.
In the winter semester of 2004 I was forced to leave collage, of which I'd be bitter over for many years following. In October on 2005 I attempted taking my life via slashing 5 layer deep wounds in my arms of which the scars still remain. Thankfully, this didn't work.
For the longest time I continued to struggle with cutting, up until 4 months before entering this place.
Part 2 During Transformation
I entered here in October a bit uptight, way too serious and hurt from years of cruel words still echoing in my head. First month here I was very quiet and to myself following the rule to the 'T'; Finishing assignments on time with more then enough time to spare for negative downward thinking.
In the 1st 3 months you could find my nose buried in The Strong's 3000 page Concordance along with my own huge books I'd brought with me to shield from "having fun". Funny in my 1st evaluation I was encouraged to watch movies on the weekends with others. Shelly said she had never recommended this before, but there is a first time for everything.
After Christmas break I often found unable to stop joyful boisterous bouts of laughter which was perhaps making up for 9 years of none at all. I've learned to take my thoughts captive, forgive myself, God and a few who have slandered me; to pray for them, coming to know the God who set me free. As Joyce Meyers book title says "Do Yourself a Favor, Forgive!"
I really was "healing life hurts" from counseling session one; unafraid to be completely honest with Hallie about everything. Because of this it allowed for God to work in healing me completely and blessings have come as a result of my obedience.
I am fearless of what others think when I have only to answer to my God and those He had put in authority over me.
Part 3 Transformed
I determine to turn this world God created upside-down. Upon returning home I will live with my mother and father. I want to peruse education in medical transcription allowing this to be my profession for a while. I also will return to school to finish my Undergraduate degree and get a Masters in biblical studies with a specialty in the Hebrew language. I adore biblical languages and learning in general.
I also have a dream of being the first female operatic rock metal singer of faith. I have a vision of a faith based metal festival with my band center stage, eventually becoming a launching pad for other forms of expression such as: spoken free-verse, painting, mosh pits and the like.
This world has its own tribal festivals why not the world of faith?
This is my bit in God's story that continues on…not so unknown...