Day 5,382,498: I'm really beginning to think that this was a bad idea. Actually, I've thought this for about for about fourteen thousand years. But I feel like in the long run, fourteen thousand really is just the beginning. But anyway, let's not start here. Let's go back to how it all began.

Day 1: I am a scientist at Dalton Research Center in the city of Dalton, Tennessee. Actually, I am more of a test subject. The real scientists test various drugs and chemicals, from everyday pharmaceuticals to a drug called "Orange Goo Pie". Trust me, there's a reason you've never heard that one before.

But it really doesn't matter. Because today I will be testing an immortality formula. And not a cheesy, fake immortality formula, but a real one. Not only does it prohibit the growth of senescent cells, which means I won't age, but it injects a new type of crazy fast regenerative tissue into your bloodstream.

Sorry if my handwriting isn't legible, I'm frantically scribbling this into my journal and my hands are quaking with excitement. Because I'm leaving for the lab right at this very minute. I sure hope it is a success.

Day 2: I haven't yet experienced it for myself, but the doctors have performed tests on me and say it is a smashing success! I am free to do whatever I want now until they need me again for something. I am going to live forever, and what better a way to start that process than go on vacation?

Day 7: Sorry I haven't posted in a few days, I've been on vacation in the California mountains, officially skiing, but mostly just meeting girls. I haven't told any that I'm immortal, I've just leveraged my immortality to help boost my social skills. There's this one girl named Mandy who I would particularly like to stay in touch with. And we both just happen to live in the same county in Tennessee. Go figure.

Day 10: Mandy got back to me and it turns out we're just a short drive from each other's houses. It looks like we might start dating. ;).

Day 20: I'm not going to make this a daily thing, as a daily diary continued for all eternity would get quite boring.

But back to the good stuff. I think that somehow this immortality thing has made my popularity skyrocket. I think it's just that my inner personal confidence has skyrocketed, and people are attracted to other people with confidence.

I have had several dates with Mandy, she is not just a pretty face, but a fascinating person as well. I can't wait to get to know her better.

Day 26: I don't know who will eventually read this, but it sure is fun to write. I've been traveling the country with Mandy, going cool places. Did you know that some of the most beautiful deserts are in Oregon? Neither did I. Mandy is a storm chaser for the Weather Channel, which is seriously the most awesome job ever. I mean, who doesn't want to chase tornadoes?

Day 51: Wow, sorry I haven't posted in quite a while. I've totally given my life a makeover. Part of it is due to Mandy (I know I keep talking about her, but I can't help it), but part of it is due to the realization that I just can't die. I tried skydiving for the first time, scuba diving, and cliff climbing, with very little training at all.

And my attitude has changed even more. I just committed a theft for the first time, of a toy store. It felt great. If only Mandy could have this immortality too. :(

Day 73: Ah, my exploits get better and better. Boy, do I have things planned...grand things.

Day 261: Well, sorry about that. I was caught trying to sabotage a government meeting, and I was sentenced to six months in prison. But it felt like nothing. Because, I realized that it literally was 0% of my life.

The good news is that Mandy was so glad that I was free that she proposed (isn't that normally the guy's job?). So some time coming up I am getting married.

Day 313: All right, today is the big day. I'm about to commit myself to something very big. But I don't have a single doubt about the validity of the decision I'm about to make.

Day 947: Mandy and I are having some marital troubles. I haven't posted in a long time because I've just been doing the normal stuff I do, and the only thing that I really feel the need to post about is my amazing wife, who is not acknowledging my amazingness back.

Day 950: All right, our disputes are settled.

Day 2,546: I don't feel any older.

Of course I know this is because I am immortal, but I was expecting to feel some bodily change. After all, I still feel pain, it just doesn't last long. It truly is a miracle what has happened to me.

Unfortunately, it might not ever happen to anyone else because Dalton Research Center just collapsed, and only they had the immortality formula. Eh, probably a good thing because overpopulation is becoming a big problem and immortality would just make it much, much worse.

Day 3,458: So this whole "I'm not going to make this a daily thing" thing has gone a bit farther than I imagined. I mean, there just isn't that much to post about. Old people are dying, babies are being born, and I'm base jumping. There isn't that much more to say. It feels like a rarity when I reach for my journal, although time seems to flow faster and faster. I have a new well-paying job as an accountant for the mayor of Dalton. That's the only real news to report.

Day 10,476: Mandy is dying of cancer. We've been married for twenty seven years, so I shouldn't be surprised. Eventually I had to tell her about my immortality just so she didn't get suspicious with regard to my not aging. The news that she had six months to live was the first flicker of doubt in my mind about my immortality and what it meant. If I were to ever be in a long-term relationship again, I would have to deal with this.

Sometimes immortality isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Day 10,504: Mandy died today.

This is the hardest journal entry for me to write, but I know that I will probably be writing many more that are just as hard. There must be an anti-immortality serum that was created as well, but since Dalton Research Center collapsed, I have no way out of this mess.

Day 10,989: Well I can't work in my new job because the mayor termed out. Ah well, I have no clue what to do now.

Day 19,844: I've remarried twice now. The first time she broke up with me, and it has been fairly smooth the second time. But it wasn't as amazing as meeting Mandy. Because I realize that in the blink of an eye she will be dead, and I will have to keep on living.

The world is changing around me - they recently had to pass a law that prohibited using virtual reality to spy on the government.

Day 29,004: Aw, sucks. Global-thermonuclear war.

Day 97,880: Sorry I lost my diary for so many years. It was buried beneath a pile of rubble. When they finally dug it up, they put it in the radioactive lost and found, and I retrieved it. It may have trace amounts of radiation, but who cares? I'm immortal.

No one I knew when I got my immortality is alive. I'm the oldest person on the planet. Civilization has reconstructed, although they don't speak the same dialect of English in this area, so it would be hard for anyone to read this diary anymore.

Day 200,000: Today I celebrate my 200,000th day immortal. I only celebrate with my two best friends, the only people who know I am immortal.

We celebrate with cinnamon flavored Kozoozoo, with a live lizard on top. Yes, cuisine has changed quite a bit.

Day 500,000: It's fun posting for these "anniversary" days. It's not long enough for human evolution to have changed, but cuisine and style are changing tremendously. For instance, it is now fashionable to hang rabbit carcasses from the ceiling and poke earrings in them, and it is trendy to eat pickled lamb balls. I can tell you, it was gross at first, but now it's pretty cool

Day 876,912: I HATE THIS ALL! WHY WON'T I DIE? THIS IS SO HORRIBLE! Sorry, I just need to vent. I spent years in jail for being the Anti-Ploosoo (Ploosoo being like Jesus Christ). By years, I meant until the jail broke down. I've been married over twenty times, and it is so painful each time. But a day really feels like nothing now, and so does a hundred years. This journal is my only consolation.

I don't really have any friends anymore. I'm treated like a circus freak, with my strange language and strange clothing. I have managed to keep my immortality pretty secret but there is a rumor going around the streets about it.

Day 2,309,487: I knew this would happen eventually, but I never really thought about it.

Nature itself is changing around me. Humans are still humans, but over the past few thousand years, temperatures are getting colder and colder. I think we are entering an ice age. Species are going extinct, and new ones are appearing. Humans might not make it. I know I will. Only time will tell.

Day 5,382,498: I'm really beginning to think that this was a bad idea. Actually, I've thought this for about for about fourteen thousand years. But I feel like in the long run, fourteen thousand really is just the beginning.

Day 18,998,735: You're probably getting bored of me blabbing, so I'll get to the meat of the statement. Humans have gone extinct, and the whole continent is ruled by giant intelligent bunny rabbits. Not a joke.

Day Around 88 million: Well all of the rabbits have died out due to the end of the ice age and a disease that I call the Great Bunny Rabbit Disorder. It's nice to see grass and trees that I haven't seen in so many hundreds of thousands of years.

Day Around 127 million: There must always be a dominant species. And currently there is a dominant species that hates my guts. I'm constantly being searched for by these creatures, kind of like how humans used to search for the Loch Ness Monster. I can't stand it. I feels like me and my past are just slipping, slipping away into the dusk.

I know I have to do something. I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel, even though it seems I am slipping farther and farther away.

Day Around 130 million: I'm going to give my life another makeover.

The most important part is that this will be my last diary post in this diary. It's a bad sign when you have to keep your diary in an ice cave to stop it from degrading.

I came to this decision watching a sunset over the ocean from atop a cliff. It was one of those rare moments when time seemed to flow normally, when a thousand years didn't just feel like a second. I realized that the sun would continue to set every single day until it swallowed the Earth.

I also realized that when the sun swallowed the Earth, the pure heat of it would destroy me despite my "immortality". I wanted to savor and cherish every day up until that day. That one day out of millions was the day that made me really realize what an amazing place I lived in.

I was going to start another journal, and this time post every single day, not wait a few thousand years between posts. I barely remembered the face of Mandy, or her voice, or her personality. And she was my only true love. Hopefully, this would keep me in the present.

Because there is no time like the present.