Scene 1

(A woman enters a living room full of avante guarde paintings from outside. A couch is at the very center of the room. She is wearing a shirt with a puppy dog on it and appears roughed up and panicked.)

LIZABETH

Hello? Is anyone here?

(Pause. LIZABETH looks around.)

LIZABETH

Hellooo? Geeenie?

(Pause. After no one answers LIZABETH runs back out the door. When she reappears she is lugging the large body of a man with her arms wrapped under where his arm is attached to his shoulder. The man's face is bruised and bloody. She slams the door behind her with her foot.)

LIZABETH

(Struggling) Why. Must. You. Be. So. HEAVY?!

(LIZABETH is able to carry him to the side and in front of the couch before she drops him lifelessly on the floor. She takes a moment to catch her breath before going to the door to her left to check if anyone is on the other side. This door should be a swinging door. When she signals that the coast is clear she goes back to the body and drags him towards it. As she gets close there is the sound of keys jingling off stage. LIZABETH hesitates in fear.)

LIZABETH

Move it you big lug.

(She quickens her steps and exiting. Genie enters humming a happy tune and tossing her keys and purse on the table next to the door.)

GENIE

John, I'm home!

(GENIE dances a bit to the couch before sitting down dramatically. She sits there for a moment before looking around curiously.)

GENIE

John? Honey?

(She pauses for another moment before getting up. She moves to the left door before pausing as if rethinking her action and bee-lining to the door on the right.)

GENIE

Jooohn…

(Her voice fades as she exits. After a moment LIZABETH sticks her head out the door before disappearing again. She reenters with the body. She gets a couple feet away from the door before GENIE is heard off stage.)

GENIE

John?

(LIZABETH quickly exits out the door again right as GENIE reenters.)

GENIE

John? Where is that man? I thought he said he was staying home today. He probably wandered off somewhere and is getting into who knows what kind of trouble. I better go find him.

(GENIE grabs her keys and exits. After a moment LIZABETH finally enters dragging JOHN with her. She looks around as if trying to think of her next plan of action before stopping when her eyes land on the couch. She begins to lift JOHN onto the couch in a laying position. While in the middle of arranging him GENIE opens the door once more. LIZABETH panics and sits down awkwardly on the couch with JOHN's head on her lap, trying and failing to look natural.)

GENIE

…my purse—

(GENIE takes a moment to take in the scene. She quickly, but hesitantly moves to look in front of the couch.)

GENIE

Lizabeth, what have you done?

LIZABETH

(sheepishly) Ha…ha…funny story. I think I maybe, might have possibly killed your husband…a little bit.

Scene 2

(A field, in the evening. The women enter SL. LIZABETH is dragging JOHN again while GENIE is carrying a shovel behind her.)

LIZABETH

How many times do I have to tell you? I'm sorry.

(GENIE snorts. LIZABETH begins to whimper as she drags JOHN until she is offstage while GENIE and JOHN's legs are still visible on stage.)

LIZABETH

(offstage) Alright, I can't take it anymore!

(LIZABETH drops JOHN and steps back onstage.)

GENIE

Fine. Here should be good enough.

(Genie hand LIZABETH the shovel.)

LIZABETH

Not that, this.

(Gesturing between herself and GENIE.)

LIZABETH

It's not like it was my fault. I came to see you earlier to talk to you about, Rico, the new guy I've been seeing, you know the one with the dog grooming shop. He cancelled our date because some poodle had an emergency hangnail or whatever. I was so distraught that when John answered the door and you weren't here I threw myself into his arms and just broke down. I guess John got the wrong idea and the next thing I know he's kissing me, if that's what you want to call it. Bleck! I told you you needed to get a leash on that man.

GENIE

I did.

(GENIE pulls out a leash from her purse.)

GENIE

John has been—was complaining that I've been boring in bed lately. Said he felt like a boy scout trying to rub to sticks together to make a fire and it just wasn't sparking. I thought this might change his mind.

(GENIE puts the leash away.)

GENIE

I guess I'll never know.

LIZABETH

Genie, I am so sorry. If it helps, I hear he's into that sort of thing.

GENIE

How could you possibly know that?

LIZABETH

I heard about it when I visited Rico at work a few days ago. He was leaving just as I was entering. At first I thought he was crushing on one of the girls that work at the shop so I questioned Rico about it. Apparently your husband has been asking about renting a dog, if you know what I mean.

GENIE

Really?

LIZABETH

Uh-huh

(Pause before GENIE advances on JOHN's body on the ground.)

GENIE

You evil little cockroach.

LIZABETH

Genie?

GENIE

I loved you. I gave up everything for you. All you had to do was ask and I would have put on a tail and ears for you.

LIZABETH

Genie, I didn't mean—

GENIE

I was going to travel the world, paint everything in site. But I gave it all up so that YOU could have YOUR dream. I was so convinced that what you wanted was more important than what I wanted. How could I have been so stupid?

(GENIE kicks JOHN and turns away from him.)

GENIE

You were nothing more than a flea living off of me.

(JOHN groans and begins to move. GENIE continues ranting.)

GENIE

(humorlessly) I bet you would have like that, being a flea.

LIZABETH

Genie…

(GENIE doesn't hear her.)

GENIE

Then all your dreams could come true, being so close to the ones you really wanted, leeching off of them.

LIZABETH

Umm…Genie…

GENIE

(snaps) What?

LIZABETH

(flinching) I think he's alive.

GENIE

(alarmed) WHAT?!

(GENIE turns back to JOHN as he begins to wake. GENIE takes the shovel from LIZABETH.)

JOHN

(offstage, head not visible) Genie?

(GENIE begins slamming the shovel down offstage to make it appear like she is smashing JOHN's brains in. In reality it should be a watermelon or something that can spray something red when it is smashed.)

GENIE

Oopsy.