They say the gun I have in my hand is just a toy. But then I prove them wrong and shoot them and turn them into Mr. Potato Head.

I had always enjoyed guns and gun shows, and one time at the shooting gallery I bought this yellow plastic gun. I bought it because the guy selling it said it was the most destructive thing there. It was cheap, too.

I tested it out on the target at the gallery. I got a good line of sight, fired, and watched the bullet streak through the air, puncture its target, and turn it into target-shaped spaghetti sauce. Now you may rather have a machine gun than one of those, but I think a gun that turns things into spaghetti sauce is way cool.

I knew it was my destiny to fight crime the moment I realized the true power of the gun. So I went to the roof of a skyscraper and looked down at the streets. When I saw some guys trying to rob a car, I shot them repeatedly, waiting for them to turn into sauce. But instead, when it hit them, they both turned into giant snakes, dug a big hole in the street, and slithered into the ground.

Somehow the news got out linking that event to me, so they got an interviewer to interview me. But I am camera shy, so I took out the gun and shot the camera. I had an idea that maybe it read my mind, so I pictured the camera turning into camera-shaped jello, and fired. But when it hit the camera, the camera started to tremble, and then it exploded, giving both me and the interviewer bad burns.

So...I was wrong. The interviewer had to go to the hospital, but I was more lucky. I now realized the gun had huge power, so I decided to take my superhero-ness to the next level. I happened to know the location of an underground meth network (don't ask how). So I took my gun and went to the head office of this mob guy that ran the network.

I pointed the gun at his head and fired. But then he turned into the incredible hulk and ran toward me and ripped me to shreds.

By the way I am writing this from heaven.