I love Winter.
It's gorgeous. Beautiful. Filled with swirling snowflakes and laughter, cuddling up next to a radiator, waking up to the mysterious darkness that curls around the early hours. And I was blessed to have a long one.
The first day I arrived in the new school, I saw snow for the first time. Nothing much, just a small trickle, but enough to make me scream in joy and run outside as the flakes danced around me. Enough to fill the day with hope. With conviction.
That first weekend, I remember it clearly. We were all on a trip together. He said something, I laughed, and then he took off through the snow. I remember thinking at the time that it was just like one of those romantic movies, where the hero runs off through the snow. Never to be seen again. And it was so beautiful, and the snow was coming down, and laughter was ringing in my ears, and I fell in love with him.
I remember the first month. It was filled with joy, filled with the excitement of something new. I worked late into the night. And then I would stay awake even longer, holding my hands outside the window, feeling the air rejuvenate me. It was magic. Pure magic.
I remember how time went by, and he grew more and more distant. He started yelling at me, screaming at me, kicking me. I stood by you and refused to be shaken, until finally the nights grew even longer as I cried myself to sleep.
I remember how the days started to drag, how I longed to finish each day, how I longed for something more. I remember wondering where the beauty had gone. I remember sadness.
It turned to Spring, and the beauty of the snow was gone and the mosquitos came to buzz at me. The petals falling down mimicked the snow, and I longed desperately for the cold again.
I remember one of the last nights, when I walked out on him. I couldn't take it anymore. It was just too hard. My mother was there, but she couldn't understand because I didn't tell her that I loved him. I didn't tell him that I loved him either.
Now it's Summer over there. I'm far away from him. I'm not even in the same country as him. But I know one thing for certain.
I spent the whole Winter wishing it would end. I will never, never make that mistake again, because now I would do anything to get the Winter back.
But it won't come for another year, and when it does, it'll never be the same.