I trudge down the never-ending path, the wind cutting my skin like razors, damaging the already destroyed body of mine. It was unusually cold for a late autumn evening, too cold, making me shiver as I zip up my blue and red jumper appreciating the softness of the lining.
All appreciation goes out of my brain as thoughts and events of the week cross my mind; darkening it. It is like a cloud of darkness blankets my mind constantly, affecting my thought process and ability to feel anyone anymore. I'm always lying to my family and teachers; 'it's okay miss, nothing is wrong,' or 'yes; I've got a few friends'. But everything is wrong and I have only one friend. But only I know that.
'You don't know nothing, you are stupid, hopeless a freak' was all I could think of as tears began to slowly stain my cheeks. I needed to talk to someone, but there is no one I could burden or trust- so I simply walked it out.
Slowly; shops and cafés begin appearing along the path lights inside glittering brightly. A few families were wandering around, as I passed them, children would turn to their parents and say; 'mummy, what's wrong with that girl?' or 'daddy, why isn't that girl with her family or friends? Are they all dead?' The parents then turn themselves and their inquisitive children away from me, muttering between them. They probably wonder that too. I don't blame them, I wonder it too.
As I wander past the cafés the scents of coffee assail my nostrils. I walk past groups of girls sipping steaming cups of it who turn away from me giggling; to them I'm an outcast, a weirdo. I am the subject of their bitchy conversations and girlish gossip. It's not fair, what did I ever do? I thought as I did my best to ignore them and walk past. The tears only poured out of my eyes more furiously as I tried to wipe them away and deny their existence, like those girls do to me.
I walked past another café, this time a group of boys and girls standing there.
'Oi, Four-eyes!' said a voice coming from the crowd. I do my best to ignore it, as I begin to walk past them. Suddenly, I'm falling to the ground and my face becomes grazed against the rough concrete.
'Pity you can't see very well with those four eyes of yours,' called another voice, Brian I thought bitterly as the taste of blood became pronounced in my mouth. I stood up and evaluated who was in the crowd. The usual guys and their girlfriends, their happy girlfriends that they're cheating on I thought matter-of-factly, I guess not being noticed has made me more observant of everyone and their body language.
At the back of the crowd I see a face I instantaneously recognize; Amber. The kind, caring Amber who once saved a baby bird from a cat, the Amber who kicked open the toilet stall door years ago when I was crying in there asking 'Don't you have any friends?' The Amber that is my best friend. Hurt flashes across my face and I know it shows because she looks at me, laughter gone from her face. I'm sorry her eyes scream. It's too late my eyes glared, you are a stone-cold bitch.
'I knew I couldn't trust you,' I said, my voice was cracking and going high-pitch as I tried not to cry. Don't let them see you cry, don't let them know you're weak I think sternly. I start to walk towards her, my legs with a mind of their own. When I reach her, everyone steps away from Amber leaving her and me alone. All of a sudden my hand began to rise by itself and then I did it...
I slapped her.
It wasn't hard, honest. Though my hand hitting her face made an ugly sound, like something popping it didn't leave a mark instantly. She threw her hand to her cheek in shock and gasped. I began to pant heavily, unsure how I actually managed to sum up the courage to hit her. I felt good, real good it was the best I had felt in a long time.
The feeling didn't last long; it was then replaced with a pain at the back of my head, someone's fist. My head hit the ground, fast.
'Run, Four-eyes is down! I hit her!' Yelled Brian's voice as the group began to run. I tried to lift my head, but it just smashed to the ground. My shirt and hair felt wet, with blood I thought horrifically. My vision became blurry when I heard a voice.
'That bastard, Brian, he got you pretty good didn't he?' a voice said, sounding blurry. The person who was speaking to me, turned me over and wiped the blood from my eyes. I began to shake uncontrollably.
'Don't worry, help's coming soon' he soothed.
My head was spinning and everything was blackening when the thought popped into my head; 'I am better than them. I am better than her, I am better than this.' Finally, I was actually content with myself, I was actually happier than before. I finally accepted who I am and myself. It wasn't about them being nasty; it was about me unaccepting myself the whole time.
I was lulled to sleep by the sweet sound of sirens wailing in my head.