You have an outstanding track record when it comes to dating boys who are horrible for you. Sometimes I don't understand why you do this to yourself. You jump into the relationship, knowing fully well that the guy is an asshole who will only end up hurting you, but you just can't seem to stop yourself from falling for his, or rather their, fake charms.
As your best friend, its my duty to make sure that you don't make these mistakes. But how can I teach those jerk-off's a lesson without ruining our already fragile relationship? You've made it pretty clear that you intend to cut off all relations with me if I so much as lay a hand on your ex-boyfriends.
This self-destructive nature of yours is driving me up the wall, Mel. Not because you're deliberately hurting yourself, not even because in doing so you're also hurting our relationship, but because I love you. And I understand that its taken me too long to realize this. When you admitted your more-than-platonic feelings towards me in freshman year, I'll admit, I was rather taken aback. I had us pegged as just friends and anyways, I wasn't looking to jump into a relationship anytime soon because college had just started and there was lots of time to get around to the whole dating scene.
That was my first mistake.
I'm sorry, I'm so sorry that I've driven you to tear yourself into pieces to make up for the fact that I didn't love you. But I love you now, and oh, how I wish it could make a difference. But I know; know that if I admit my feelings to you now, you'll only write it off as a practical joke or a tactic to get you to stop serial dating douchebags.
I know I've hurt you, Melanie. At the risk of sounding like an egoistical narcissist, I admit knowing that I'm the reason for your bi-weekly late-night romcom marathons. You're probably thinking 'shut up Jake, you mean nothing to me'.
Mel, I could order a dozen blue roses to be delivered on your doorstep. I would rent out the band room for an entire week just to sit on the alcove by the window and watch you play the piano, lost deep in the melody. I could buy you stationary in all sizes and colour (faber caslte, of course), only if it meant that you'd stop tearing yourself apart. I'd fall on my knees, ring in hand and ask you to marry me, and this last thought, especially, scares me because we haven't even begun dating and I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
Mel, I'm so so sorry. This guilt is eating me up alive.
Zach's been so annoyed with me as of late because all I talk about is you. And I'm sure he must have confronted you about it too, but I can't be sure because you haven't been speaking to me and Zach is Zach meaning he refuses to tell me anything.
I just want you to know that I didn't realize that I loved you once you started ignoring me. No, I guess I had always known. You know that saying... 'you never know how much you appreciate something till its gone'? I find it totally unrelatable. I've always, always appreciated your company and treasured our moments together. Every time we had our midnight marathons and you'd always end up falling asleep on my shoulder, somehow or the other my thoughts would always drift to you before I dozed off as well.
You probably don't know this because you were fast asleep when it happened but one time I kissed you.
Totally creepy, I know.
Its just that you were sleeping so peacefully and your lips were slightly parted and pardon my cheesiness, but, you looked so beautiful, so ethereal in that moment that it would have been a sin not to place a feather-light kiss on your lips.
(you're a fantastic non-responsive kisser, just thought you should know)
Melaine, I don't want you to think I love you just because you said it to me first or you're ignoring me. I guess, a part of me has always loved you but never recognized the feeling for what it was. We're in a kind of a rocky place right now but I'm optimistic we'll get past this. Cradle to grave, remember? We get through everything together, and this time isn't gonna be an exception.
I love you, Melaine.
I love your lips, your hair, your smile, your laugh, the way your eyes crinkle when you're trying not to smile, how you always steal my hoodies whenever you come over, your lavender-scented shampoo, how sometimes you call me at two am with a shaky voice to tell me about your favourite character which just died in the book you're currently reading, the way youre so preppy and optimistic in the morning, how you always have my brownies ready for me when I call to tell you I'm coming over, the way you drink cold coffees even in winter, how you're able to cheer me up by making your ridiculous funny faces, how we can converse without speaking, how we can stay up till any hour in the morning just talking and talking about anything and everything.
I love you, Melaine.
And this is the kind of love which someone only comes across once in their life. The kind which makes you shiver at the thought of the girl you love. The kind which allows me to spot you in the thickest of crowds with considerable ease. The kind where you'd give up your own life for theirs.
I know we're in a rough patch but I promise you, we'll get past this. Just don't lose hope in us.
(sometimes, the thought of you is the only thing which keeps me going)
A/N: This fic was kind of written under 15 mins, as I listened to 'open season' by High Highs. I don't know where it came from, I just opened Microsoft Word and my fingers started typing of their own accord.
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