I blinked my eyes and I am myself again. This time, all memories of the life I have been leading are gone. It is strange to suddenly lose an identity that I had for the past… 25 years stated on my ID. The sun is scorching and I am in tattered clothes. I am lost in the middle of a desert with no recollection of who I was or how I ended up stranded here. A figure appears as a small dot in the distance, rapidly growing in size, blurred by the heat as if she were a mirage. I now know better as she nears me, just like I had known who she was the past 12 lifetimes.

She is beautiful as always with her raven hair and grey eyes. I could lose myself in them. I longed for the soft scent of her hair in my face. Dressed enough to protect herself from the sun, it wasn't enough to keep the hunger inside me from growing. I remembered the smooth touch of her skin on mine. We hadn't had much time in the 11th for she had been a child when I died.

"I see that you are earlier than me this time," I joked as she jumped into my arms and held me tightly. A hint of crow's feet appeared on the edges of her eyes as she squeezed them shut and buried her face in the nape of my neck. I could not tell if it were droplets of sweat or tears that slid down my neck as we stood under the sun. I have been waiting for so long, she says to me as she stands on her own. Brushing her hair to one side, she pulls me along and tells me to hurry.

We walked briskly hand in hand and I realized that I was not so stranded after all. We reached what looked like a palace in less than an hour. Was this Egypt? She laughs and tells me that this was the home of one of the wealthiest drug lords in the middle-east and she happened to be his wife. She picks up her speed as we squeezed through a gap between the fences. Servants stared at us but they were quick to avert their gaze when she looked at them. No one dared to look up. I felt adrenaline pumping through my body and pushed away thoughts of what would happen if he were to find us together in one of his rooms.

"How did you find me?" She placed a finger on my lips and pulled me into a room.

"The servants will never tell," she says as she closes the door behind us. The room was large enough to be turned into an apartment large enough for 10. "Well, even if they did, he would be too high to tell the difference between his hallucinations and reality. He will die soon and we will have all this to ourselves", she gestured. She was mysterious and colder than usual in this life. She was controlling and I loved it. She pulls off my shirt and plants kisses randomly across my chest.

"We need to talk," I said, trying hard to focus, "I can't remember who I was." I gently peeled her away from me. "This has never happened before…"

I know, she says to me with a smile. Before anything else could be said, she pops a pill into my mouth and takes me soaring through the skies.

I felt the warmth of her body leave me lying in coldness before I had fully realized that she was awake in the middle of the night again. She has done so several times but in the day, she always smiles at me and tells me nothing is wrong. We have been together so openly and yet no one whispers a word to the stoned lord of the house. I can't say that I am guilty when I can hear him screwing with whore in other rooms during the day and night, but I still worry sometimes.

I watch her through half-closed eyes as she slips out onto the balcony, silently gazing at the moon. The night illuminates her form and I wished that she would open up to me. She is changing and I can feel it but I am not going to force anything out of her. 12 lifetimes is more than a man could ever ask for. I watch her shoulders rise and fall as she sighs. As she stands there through the night, I lie awake with her until she slips back into my arms before the sun begins to rise.

"What is troubling you?" I asked her over breakfast. Breakfasts are a grand affair in this household and I can feel myself fattening up in this lifestyle. It has been grander than I've ever led. It has been weeks and still she remains silent. "You know that –" Before I could say anything else the doors were slammed opened violently, revealing the angry drug lord.

She is shocked but she maintains a stoic expression as she greets him. I, on the other hand, am coming very close to wetting my pants. "My lord," she curtseys, "may I introduce him to you? He is a guest."

The drug lord slaps her and I can feel the blood rising in my veins. He shoves her to the side and walks towards me with an expression that tells me, "You will not die an easy death motherfucker."

Two guards have appeared and grabbed me from behind. I find myself tied down to a chair while she is dragged out of the room, screaming my name. I tell him calmly that she is not to be harmed and the drug lord laughs, "Once I am done with you, she will be next and she will suffer a thousand times worse than you."

As he says that, he drags his knife across my arm past my neck and slices off my ear. I close my eyes and force myself to breathe. Control is key and I will not cry out in pain. It feels as though someone has shut off all the sound on my right ear. Everything has been halved in volume and I feel strange looking at my ear lying on the floor before me.

The pain feels insanely unbearable. I feel the ghost of my ear moving as warm blood flows down my neck. "I will cut her up slowly and she will watch me feed her parts to the dogs before I skin the rest of her."

Stay strong my love. I am sorry, I cannot protect you. This will not be an easy death, but I will see you soon. I love you. I love you. I love you.

I chant this as he cuts me up. I do not know how long he took to end me. Eventually he rips my tongue out because of my chanting and knocks all my teeth out. I am being taken apart and the pain. The blinding pain.

And then, no more.

My spirit is all that is left. I ignore my torn up body and I follow the bloodied drug lord as he walks into her room. She stands from her bed and washes him with trembling hands. She kisses him, and whispers to him all the things she was going to do to him in bed. He laughs and kisses her roughly.

I do not know how a heart can break without a physical heart, but mine has broken. Maybe it is my spirit that I feel breaking and I am scattered into the sky.