Thinking too much…

A knot, something painful in my head,
A dreaded thought driving me insane:
"Was it something I have done or said?"
Am I nuts hoping for something in vain?

A tight knotted clump as dark as led,
A tiny lump that brings so much pain…
"Would she marry me before I'm dead?"
I feel so weak now, I am so drained.

I know, to her, I really want to wed,
Would she be happy and love me the same?
But am I worth it if I'll be dead?
A man who left no fortune or fame
But left only misery instead?

A beauty who carries my last name
But I cannot see after we wed?
I fell in love and I'm to be blamed.

I have cancer growing in my head
And a painful thought driving me insane:
"She is my everything, even my meds,
Will she love me even though I'm maimed?