Regret

It's been quite a while now

Yet I still suffer

The terrible times of torment I have

Yet nothing gets better

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Why is it that I must live

If only to suffer so seriously

I just want this life of mine

To end in a burst of carmine

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All I've had in my life is woe

I should've ceased surviving a long time ago

Why is it that I could continue spouting hate

Yet I could not turn my life to joy

-
Gone is the initial acclaim

With which I failed to make my life a good one

All I have is emptiness and remorse

Gone is the joie de vivre I so lust to reclaim

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Years have passed since I came back

To the land of the rising sun

At first everything was fun

But then my elation went pitch-black

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Living became a great difficulty

People became my main source of acrimony

Enemies here and there didn't help

Especially the most exigent one

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The most difficult demons came from within

My own feelings of anguish and loathing

They aroused my darkest notions

Until misery and hate became my main emotions

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It's been quite a while now

But most just see me as a silhouette

I'm the hated one that's destined for ruin

What I can feel most is regret