Ffion's eyes are like huge piles of shite.

Her hair goes manky in the stormy rain.

Her stonecold features hunt you down at night.

Her face looks like it was hit by a train.

The rotten teeth which plague her jaw are brown.

Her unibrow looks like a dead hamster.

You can smell her coming from the next town.

She cannot sing but she thinks she'll be a star.

I gave her her own person in my book.

It would be good, but Ffion is a bitch.

She'd rob her granny 'cause she is a crook.

I'd never look, but her soul is black as pitch.

If someone said they'd throw her from a tree,

I'd run behind them shouting, "Wait for me!"