D

"Knives?" Cried General Khalid.

"Aye General...knives." Said the Secretary of Defense, and departed.

"Why those conniving, curry munching, spice rubbing Dheliwood bastards!" General Khalid seethed. "Such audacity, the nerve!"

"The Dheliwoodians only take up arms for protection, why should that anger you so?" Asked the President of Derpistan.

"Protection!?" Challenged General Khalid. "The infidels take up arms as a means of revolt! They plan to cut the beards from our chins, the turbans from our heads, and the very hijabs from our women! Their HIJABS! I won't stand for it!"

"I see."

Both men sat thinking.

The world was covered with death. It swam in the wetness of the streams, scaled the tallest of mountain summits and laid in the fiercest of deserts. And now these heathens, these infidels bring the very teeth and claws of death straight to their border!

The President wept. "So what will become of our way of life, our safety when we deal with these bladed barbarians?"

General Khalid snapped his fingers. "Assemble the best blacksmith the country has to offer, we will show these vermin the true meaning of warfare!"

The men who knew steel and forges and metal work came quickly.

General Khalid cleared his throat. "I have summoned you all here because the Dheliwoodians have armed themselves with the sharpest of knives to conquer our lands!"

A great gasp and murmur swept through the blacksmiths as General Khalid continued, "and so I command of you, birth fourth the sharpest, the strongest of swords from you forges to cut down these knife wielding parasites!"

The blacksmiths erupted with joy and immediately set out to work, hammering and forming and sharpening. The news spread quickly through Derpistan and before long every able bodied male wielded great two handed broadswords or crescent moon scimitars. By the end of the month the Swords of Derpistan formed a protective ring around the country and General Khalid slept like a content fox for many a night.

The pleasure died as swiftly as smoldering embers however. That afternoon the SOD rushed into the War Room. "Great General, terror and death has seized the lands! The corpses of our young men pile higher and higher at the gates!"

General Khalid trembled. "How can that be!? Our blades are longer and sharper than the heathens! We should be collecting the bindis from their severed heads!"

"The country of Dheliwood," said the SOD, "has thrown down their blades in exchange for...well...guns! They stalk the borders, gunning down our citizens with pistols, revolvers, even flintlocks! Our soldiers dare not get close with even their swords!"

General Khalid felt as if his heart had been cut out of his chest. "Guns you say? Bah! We shall build our own guns then, bigger, more accurate, more bullets! Summon all the gunsmiths! All the factory workers! There's much work to be done!"

The country of Derpistan rejoiced to learn that once again they had been saved by the General of Ingenuity. Workers filled the armories and pumped out all manner of assault rifles, though not as quickly as their swords because they had neglected businesses and crops, making them weaker and poorer.

What followed was a procession of intense and horrible days, one in another like a bouquet of sickening flowers.

"General!" Cried the SOD. "Dheliwood has stockpiled RPGs to blow up our machine gun nest!"

"Then we will build tanks of reinforced steel to withstand their blast and blow THEM away!"

"General!" Screamed the SOD. "They now use PREDATOR drones to reign death upon our tanks while they hide like cowards in their bunkers!"

General Khalid's jaw dropped. "Oh no they didn't! Our jets will scour the skies and turn their command centers into their graves!"

"Allah have mercy." Wept the SOD the following morning. "They have worked day in and day out to build anti aircraft guns to shoot our jets out of the skies."

Disease and famine stalked Derpistan like a pack of rabid dogs. Businesses closed, resources became scarce, and the people, working steadily for endless months upon endless months started to resemble death himself. Funerals sprang fourth like morbid gardens and even spilled out into the streets. Even General Khalid grew so ill that salt-and-pepper streaked through his once thick and mighty beard and he uttered commands in a dry whisper, a whisper in a cave.

"They stab us and shoot us, destroy our tanks and decimate our jets, but woe is the day that those heathens awoke the sleeping giant, this day be woe! They will burn with the light of 10,000 suns! Fetch me the absolute best physicist in Derpistan!"

Like a rusted out machine, commerce in Derpistan ground to a halt.

Meanwhile, physicist were busy splitting the nuclei of atoms and colliding them together and before they knew it they had produced their own thermonuclear warhead!

General Khalid cackled with maniacal glee as the warhead pierced the sky, trailing exhaust and wonder and death in its wake. His giggles became a raucous chortle when the mushroom cloud sprouted in the east, turning the pristine faded denim blue sky the color of rustic coins and his laughter was silenced forever when the blast radius exceeded Dheliwoods borders and flooded the country of Derpistan as well like some terrible, Apocalyptic garrison straight out of Hell.

The Arabian sea burned, firestorms danced and contorted throughout the Hindu Kush mountains and underneath the lone star and crescent moon the two countries burned as one.

END