"What the Water Gave Me"

We are lost.

Floating on this endless sea of torrents and tides. Rushing over us with waves of inspiration and confusion. Alone.
I call out; scream, shout, thrash my body about like a seizured ridden girl.
The emptiness stares back. The hues of blue circulate around me, within me; tormenting my mind from it's haze induced state.
"Hello?" I call once more. A plea, a cry to the bodies of life that do not reply.
The waves were calm as my breathing constricted. My neck, suffocating as the noose of emotions wrap around me.
God, I am so lost.
I feel my body rise as my expression twists tightly. I turn, only to realize that there is no terrestrial land to be grounded upon.
Water looks up at me.
It's calm and I move towards the edge of the rickety dingy, my bare feet sliding across the wood, a teasing taste of what I longed to rejoin.
The hiccups of emotion continued to plague me, my chest squealching in it's powerful grasp as I moved closer and closer to the edge.
I see you.
The water reaches toward me, gently lulling me into a faux stability of peace. Home.
I sigh.
I droop to the edge, my head resting lightly on the oaken confinements of the boat as I began my introspective musings.
How did I even get here? Have I always been here? In this lost little shipwreck of mine, searching blindly for a neighbouring form of life that I could attach myself to? That I could, dare I say love?
I shake my head, no. No I do love. I love the water, the blanket of the sky that greets me with it's omniscient eyes of burning lights...
It's
not
enough.

There is no land around me, just the water, the boat and I. Rocking lightly as we moved along across the mass of ocean. The sunlight allowed me to view it in it's distinct form that humans know of it, somewhat light near my presence as I viewed it's depths, my reflection sparkling silver and white as the light shone down. But the further away I looked across the sea, the darker The Deep became.
But I was not worried about that.
How could I when the soft lappings of water drenched my ears and the burning sun elicited a peaceful warmth upon my back?
Sizzling my bare skin like a lovers gentle touch.
Sometimes boats would pass through here and that was why I still continued my shouts, but the boats never stopped, those massive things, like ships. They were ships! But they never stopped to help or care, living in their blissful luxuries...
"Oh they never stop" I grumbled, remembering the flash of a boat and people staring without the audacity to help. God it was sickening.
The boat rocked agressively as a strong wave crashed and my chin slammed against the side harshly knocking me out of my thoughts.
"Of course" I muttered darkly after a few curse words riddled their way out of my lips.
And then I saw it.
I froze, internally trembling.
It was not as though I have not been amongst the oceans wrath before.
I had.
But this...it couldn't be.
It was not like the others, the others I could handle.
The others...the others I could think clearly and act rationally because they were not so grand as this.
But this...

The monstrous form loomed, a warning to every conscious being. Coming toward me.
The wave was enormous, dark and terrifying. The once light, clear sky was now marked with thick, shadowy clouds. I trembled, I shivered, I curled into a ball, I squinted my eyes shut tight praying to anything and any supernatural being to save my small, insignificant existence. I even prayed to a boat-god asking for a boator a ship to come and help. I must be mad.
But I could hear it coming. That swoosh as though it was consuming and sucking up everything in it's path to satiate its hunger.
God, I begged.
Save me, save me, save me!
It's nearly here.
I would die.
It's filthy violence would eat me, taking me with it too.
No.
No, I would die.
I am going to die.
The wave was almost looming over me directly
I am sick of being dead!

I rose, my body twisting and unhinging itself to bare it's full form to the wave and I glared at it, challenging it to destroy me, asserting myself on that wooden boat to the waves, for once in my goddamn life.
But the wave was here and I could bend or break. I didn't want to leave the boat, my haven, my little altar of sanctuary, my comforting home, but this was the only choice
And then I jumped.

The crash of the wave bellowed into the depths in which I was resting. Reverberating across the ocean, the only sound my ears could decipher as it rumbled like a beasts angry defeat.
I had shut my eyes but my body of bones and flesh flailed wildy, ignoring the viscosity of the oceans form.

As though I was being pulled a part from the murky depths I pushed myself up, up up and up opening my eyes to the surface of silvery, sparkling reflections and the land of light blue beyond.
One breath.
Just one breath...
My body was choking from the lack of air, my eyes and chest bursting as though I was being imploded. I pushed with my sticky arms and lithe legs.
One more..
Gasp
I shook, I spluttered, I gasped some more.
I ate the air as the wave had eaten me.
I clumsily brushed the sticky hair from my face and swiped at it as I breathed heavily, the water splashing as I did so.
Regaining lost breath I looked around me.
The ocean was the medium hue of blue but my boat was gone.
My boat! My boat!
I swished and splashed a full 360 degrees searching for my only treasure.
It was gone.
Small remnants of driftwood flittered around me like a sick dark humour that was intended to mock the little lost girl.

Tears filled my sore eyes. Their stinging slices a human expression for my overwhelming despair and shock and so I cried.
I cried like a lonely child wanting a friend, I cried like a human who truly regretted their actions and fell to the bottom of a bottle because they could not remedy things through love.
Because I could not love.

I don't know how long I stayed there crying but it must of been awhile as the sun started dying. My legs barely continued their cyclic kicking, successfully albeit somewhat inconsistently keeping me afloat but I almost wanted to stop, the exhaustion suddenly wracking through me. I was so tired.
And not just from bodily exhaustion, I felt alone once again, supporting my own damn self once more. I just wanted human companionship, but, I suddenly realized, I would probably be unable to care for another because I had not had that opportunity.
I could not love.
God.
I was tired. How could I live with no boat? With no land? I am no sea creature. The passing people on boats do not help. Why did I even both to pull myself up from the water? I should have just-

But I did, I did love I swore to myself. I loved until my life was bursting. I loved that little boat that was nothing, but something. I loved the sky and the wind and the rush of thrill that it gave me. I loved myself with all of my scratched humanely existence.
I loved life.
Wasn't that enough?
Oh god. I am a mess of inconsistencies. A wail of desperation from my own mind escaped me and I fluttered my eyelids closed letting the water, at long last, take me...

Little did I know a silhouette of a human figure on a little boat that looked suspiciously like 5 planks of wood from a park bench roughly nailed together, come towards me and pull my unconscious body that had quickly started spluttering, on a little boat of their own, restoring a force of life that I did not know I had lost.

But I will save that for another time.