Maze

[Cluttered stage, a large table with miss matched chairs sits in the center, four elderly sit at the table playing cards, someone lies motions on the floor beside them. Enter TOURIST stage right, confused, holding a map]

TOURIST: Excuse me; do you know where the exit is?

ELDERLY 1: Nope.

TOURIST: Then...do you know where we are on this map?

ELDERLY 1: Nope.

TOURIST: How about a street name?

ELDERLY 1: Nope.

TOURIST: A city?

ELDERLY 1: Nope.

TOURIST: [Getting annoyed] A continent!

ELDERLY 1: Nope.

TOURIST: You can't even point me in a general direction?

ELDERLY 2: Listen sonny, he said he doesn't know, so he doesn't know.

TOURIST: Then do you know?

ELDERLY 2: No, nobody knows. This here place is a maze, and you'll never get out, ya hear?

TOURIST: ...how about him?

ELDERLY 3: WHAT?

ELDERLY 2: He's deaf.

TOURIST: Him?

ELDERLY 2: He's mute.

TOURIST: What about the sleeping guy?

ELDERLY 2: He's dead. Didn't I already tell ya? There's no way outta here, this here is a never ending maze, save yourself the trouble and give up now.

TOURIST: How stupid do you think I am? I'm not fooled that easily.

ELDERLY 2: Do ya remember where ya planned your vacation to?

TOURIST: Of course I do, I'm in...Um...Uh...that's weird; I can't seem put my finger on it.

ELDERLY 2: I told ya, this here is a maze, and nobody's ever gotten out.

TOURIST: Just because I forgot where I was going doesn't mean I'm in a maze, I mean, everything was normal when I walked in. And everything will be normal when I walk out.

ELDERLY 2: That's probably true, 'cept you'll never walk out. I told ya, this here is maze.

TOURIST: And I told YOU that I'm not as gullible as you think. Now if you will excuse me, I'm getting out of here.

[TOURIST exits stage right, then immediately enters stage left, exits stage left and once again enters stage right]

ELDERLY 1: Nope

TOURIST: Alright, really funny guys, really funny. Now how'd you do that?

ELDERLY 2: We didn't do nothin'.

TOURIST: Sure you didn't, then explain how that, [Makes hand gestures] flippy thing happened.

ELDERLY 2: It's a maze sonny, why don't ya try leaving again, see what happens.

TOURIST: Fine. I will.

[TOURIST exits stage right, appears in several different locations at different times, then returns from stage right breathing heavily]

ELDERLY 2: Ya think I did that too?

TOURIST: No, [Pause] YOU HAVE FRIENDS! That's right; you've got a bunch of rooms with old men in them! You're not the same guy I talked to!

ELDERLY 2: Do what you want sonny.

[TOURIST exits stage right, 10+ TOURISTs run across the stage all at once for a few mutinies, then TOURIST enters again from stage right breathing even heavier]

TOURIST: Okay fine, [Starts walking towards the elderly.] I give up, you win! I hope you're happy. [TOURIST sits down with the elderly] Go fish.

[Enter TOURIST 2]

TOURIST 2: Hey, do any of you happen to know where the exit is?

ELDERLY 1: Nope.

[TOURIST sighs, End]