Shrunken Men (Pilot Episode)

In the land of Thurlow, we find an unhappy queen. This queen was grieving, for she was bald. For an unknown reason her hair fell out. Day and night, she grieved for the loss of her hair. The king tried to cheer her up, but it was an impossible task. He ordered his weavers to weave the queen a new head of hair, but each one failed to weave a head of hair to match the queen's own head of hair. The king was vexed sore and things were looking grim, so he sent for his wise man.

"What must I do to replace the hair on my queen's lovely head?" spoke the king.

"You must have a hero journey to the southern forest, for there is a witch in a small cabin at the edge of the forest. She has a head of hair that surpasses the queen's former glory. Have a hero shave this witch's head and bring the hair to Worton the weaver and he shall sew this hair into the queen's head. This will make your wife the loveliest woman in the world."

The king sent word through out the kingdom concerning the quest. One by one, the great warriors went into the forest and each did not return. Despair filled the heart of the king. No longer would any hero dare make the journey to the southern forest. He offered gold, rubies, diamonds, and even his daughter's hand in marriage, but no hero would take the king up on the offer.

After nine months, nine days, nine hours, and nine minutes passed since this offer had been made, a lone man walked into the throne room of the king.

"Greetings, sire, I have heard tale that you have promised gold, rubies, diamonds, and the princess's hand in marriage. The mission must be dangerous to make such a generous offer," spoke the dashing young stranger.

"It is dangerous, for ninety-nine heroes made the quest and none have yet returned. My reward is generous, for my wife cries night and day. She refuses to let anyone near her, including me."

"You have only one daughter and no sons, so if I am successful I shall be heir to your throne."

"Yes, you shall."

"What is this quest?"

"Go to the southern forest to its edge, for there's a cabin there. In this cabin lives a witch, shave her head and bring me the hair."

The dashing young man smiled.

"My name is Sir Basil and before the week is out, I will be your son-in-law."

Sir Basil walked out of the throne room and mounted his horse, Quicksilver, and rode to the southern forest. He and Quicksilver got very thirsty, so they stopped by a creek to water themselves. Sir Basil dismounted and led Quicksilver to the water. They both drank their fill and were about to leave, until they heard a voice.

"Over here. Over here," shouted the voice.

"Where are you, my good man?" spoke Sir Basil.

"Stop, stranger, or you will step on me!"

Sir Basil looked down and saw a piece of dung. The voice was coming from it.

"You are the first talking piece of shit I ever saw," spoke Sir Basil.

"My plight is terrible, my good sir. I have a terrible story to tell, if you care to listen."

Sir Basil was in a hurry, but he could not refuse the dung.

"I shall listen to your story."

"I was once a great hero. I was one of the greatest heroes in the world, until I went on a quest to shave Leonora's head. The king wanted her hair, so Worton could sew Leonora's hair to the queen's head. But, Leonora is a powerful witch and she has only to utter the word shrink and who ever she is looking at shall shrink. She has shrunk ninety-nine of the world's greatest heroes. After she shrinks them, she places them in a can, and every so often, she eats one of them. When she eats a man, she lies on her bed and her stomach swells so much that she becomes senseless. When her stomach returns to normal, she walks out of doors and poops the man out. And a man remains alive, until the dung dries out. Oh, it is a terrible fate to end life this way."

Without a word, Sir Basil mounted Quicksilver and they departed.

"It is madness to face Leonora," spoke Quicksilver.

"That is true, old friend. But, I have an edge over my competitors."

"What's that?"

"You."

As they were talking, they approached the cabin. Sir Basil jumped off Quicksilver's back and whispered his plan to Quicksilver. The horse hid behind a tree as Sir Basil kicked in Leonora's cabin door.

"I am Sir Basil the greatest son to ever come from my father's loins."

Leonora looked at Sir Basil and said, "Shrink."

In seconds, Sir Basil shrunk to the size of an ink pen. He ran around the witch's cabin whistling.

"Little man, you cannot escape me and your little noise scares me not."

The witch bent over and caught Sir Basil in her hand, but before she knew it, Quicksilver entered the cabin. With a speed faster than Mercury, he stomped the witch to death.

It is a well-known fact that when a witch dies, her spells and curses die too, thus Sir Basil was restored.

"You crushed the witch's head and ruined her hair, now I shall not get to marry the king's daughter."

"Sorry, master, but it's hard to control myself when your safety is at risk."

"Well, Quicksilver, you cannot gain a princess on every adventure."