A/N: I really have nothing to say about this. I don't know quite how I feel about it, I was really just testing out the interview format. Hope you enjoy nonetheless. The title's from Bob Dylan.

What do you want me to say? Do you want me to do what the other guys are doing and lie to your face?

Do you want me to say that Luke was some sort of paragon, some kind of living god or whatever? Because I can bullshit you all day long, if that's what'll get you a good story. I'm willing. But I don't know, something tells me the truth might give you a little better readership.

You want an opening quote? Here ya go.

Lucas White is—was—the biggest fucking asshole I ever met. But I loved him all the same. He was my best friend, for better or worse.

You know, we lied in every single interview. We didn't meet at—what did we even say? The Starbucks where he worked? That's funny. Oh right, I'm starting to remember the story. I was writing lyrics or something, right? And he saw and thought they were good and asked me if I could play—right. Hah.

So that's not how you met?

No. We met in a dark club, we couldn't see each other's faces, we danced a bit, underage and wasted, god—I'm surprised I even remember. Well, I was underage. He wasn't. Anyway, he brought me to his apartment and I guess we had sex. I would call it making love but that's not what it was with Luke.

I was up before him. He had an acoustic guitar, I started playing it because there was nothing else to do. I guess I woke him up and he sat across from me, completely naked, singing along to—I think I was playing…God, was it…yeah. Good Riddance. Man, I loved that song when I was a kid.

Anyway, he thought I played okay, I thought he sung okay, we decided to start a band, just like that. Two kids in a filthy apartment, still kinda drunk-who knew that would blow up into what it did?

We got Nick and Jake in the next few weeks. Well. Luke did. I wrote a few songs, which Luke criticized until I hated them so much I ripped up the tabs and burned them. I still kind of think they would have been good songs. Then he dicked around with the guitar for a few hours and came up with some pretty decent riffs, which made me feel pretty shitty, I won't lie.

I thought you were the primary songwriter.

I was. I wrote the lyrics for everything, and after the first few singles, Luke gave me control again. I mean, why do you think the style changed so drastically after the first album?

So why are you credited for writing every song?

Luke was scared of criticism. He hid behind my name 'cause it made him feel better. I did everything to make him feel better.

You know how there's always that one person in your life, whether they're a friend or a boyfriend or even a stranger, and you just want to fix them? You want to make them feel good about themselves? I always that kind of relationship was actually self-gratification, you want to know that you have the power to turn peoples' lives around.

Except it never really works out like that, does it?

Anyway, the point is, Luke was that guy that I wanted to fix. I never did. I gave up everything for him, and he never got even a little better.

So were you two romantically involved?

No. He dragged me along for a little while after the one night stand, I thought he might actually be in love with me. But it was just alcohol and youth and sex drive, I guess. I loved him.

Was there ever a confrontation about this?

Yeah. On my end. I worked up all my nerve, got the boys to fuck off, and just…told him how I felt. You know what he said? I was crying before he said this, but I couldn't breathe after.

He said, "That's sweet." And he laughed. Not loudly, I think he realized that this was hard for me. I guess he had some empathy for me. He just told me he didn't feel the same, he apologized for leading me on, and that was that.

How did it feel to have a lot of success as quickly as you did?

It was overwhelming. I know that's what I say every time we get this question. It's one of the few things I was actually truthful about. It was overwhelming to have all these people thinking we were great.

Did it take time to adjust to the 'rock and roll lifestyle'?

We took it all in too quickly. It probably would have been better if we'd waited, but Luke just started taking advantage of the situation, like he always did. I remember waiting up in the van with Nick, just waiting for Luke and Jake to come home, and always just hoping that they were okay, that they weren't too fucked up.

Luke being able to sing was always a concern too, and we had some really close calls. He only ever had to lip sync once. But anyway, we hit the ground running with the whole 'sex, drugs, and rock n' roll' thing. Well, I tried to keep away from it, but eventually the pressure is just too great, y'know?

All of us had habits by the end of our first year of…fame, I guess you would call it. Luke was with a new girl every night, and we often had angry naked women banging at the van early in the morning, shrieking for Luke to let them back in.

He never did. He just put his earbuds in and tuned it out. There was really only one girl—well, two—that he stayed with for more than one night. Only Leila and, oh god, what's her name. His newest girl.


Right. Talia.

Were there any men?

God. He's dead and you're still not letting up on the gay rumors? Guess I should just get it over with. Yeah, there were men on occasion. Not many. One every two weeks or so, I'd say. And then obviously he was fucking Jake behind everyone's back this whole time, so. I'm guessing J didn't say anything about that?


Yeah, that's been going on since the beginning. We didn't know about it until after Luke died. They were amazing at hiding it.

Tell me about what happened during the recording of Two.

Well, we were all high as kites. What is there to tell? We wrote the album, we played it for the label, they dropped us. The music was horrible, and obviously I got all the blame for that. I deserved it.

Luke wouldn't talk to me for the four months I was getting sober and rewriting the album. Another label picked us up, we recorded the album, that's all there is to tell.

I'm assuming the success of Two was overwhelming.

Not as much as you'd think, actually. I was getting kind of wary of the whole lifestyle after getting clean. I knew that the whole life was deadly. I had this…I don't know. Epiphany sounds too dramatic and emotional. It was just a realization.

I was watching Luke get blasted and dance naked at some party and just make a complete fool of himself, and I just knew he would die in the next few years.

And hey, I was right.

Do you have anything to say about Luke's marriage to Leila?

What is there to say? There was nothing compatible about their personalities. That's why he fell so madly in love with her, I guess. Because they were so different. I just remember lying in hotel beds after shows, and Luke and Leila were always in the next room over, and I had to listen to them yell and trash the room and just shriek obscenities at each other.

And then fuck. Loudly. It was more than a little awkward for me, and I'm sure whoever was on the other side of them was just wishing they were dead.

Anyway, it was violent, it was bloody, and he loved it. I can't speak for Leila, given that she hated my guts and barely ever said a word to me. They got married backstage after the last show of our arena tour. They were both polluted, and they consummated the marriage in front of everyone.

You know what's funny, is I remember that perfectly. I remember Jake's face, I guess I should have figured he was having an affair with Luke.

Sorry. I keep going off track with this.

No problem.

So, she got pregnant, she aborted it before telling him, he got so angry he broke her nose. They stayed together, God knows why. Then she learned he was cheating on her with…what's her name again?


Yeah, her. He just got bored with Leila, I guess. He got bored a lot.

His marriage lasted all of six months.

You started recording Three shortly after the divorce, right?

Yeah. God, what a mistake. Luke broke so much equipment. Once Nick gave him a suggestion on how to sing this one phrase, and he got so pissed off he smashed one of my guitars.

That's when we just decided he was out of control. We stopped recording. He wouldn't go into rehab, so we had to take matters into our own hands. We essentially imprisoned him in his house. We wouldn't let him go out, if there was something he needed, we got it. He broke Nick's arm and four of my fingers, but he detoxed eventually.

We should have known it couldn't last. Anyway, we went back to recording. We had a really good feeling about Three. That was the first album where Luke started to tell me he liked the songs, he liked what I had to say. He thought I wrote beautiful lyrics, he thought the riffs were catchy—and his approval made me feel great too.

Of course, everything went to shit after that brief moment of warmth. Luke was only clean for two weeks. We let him come to one of our friends' record release party. I swear to god Nick and I were only out for two hours, we went to see some movie…

And when we got back, it was déjà vu. He was doing cocaine off of some girl's stomach, other girls were all over him—he was long gone, I saw it in his eyes. I knew we were never gonna bring him back this time.

So I just…stopped caring, I guess. I gave up on him. I took the rare good moments as they came and just blocked out the rest.

Do you have anything to say about the failure of Three?

Not really. I mean, I got all the blame once again. Luke hated me. I think Jake and Nick probably did too, they were just better at hiding it.

Can you tell me anything about what led to the decision to break up?

It was a long, late night conversation. Luke was sober for once, it was a nice calm, rational discussion. We said this was the way it had to be. And I guess it was. It really wasn't too eventful.

There's a rumor going around that you were the last person to talk to Luke before he died. Is that true?

Is that what they're saying?

Is it true?

Yeah. He called me the night he died. I talked to him as he died.

What was said?

He called me, he was crying, he said 'Ryan, I'm scared'. I told him to calm down and asked him what was going on. I'd gotten plenty of calls like that before, I figured he was just on a bad trip. He apologized to me for everything he'd ever done or said to me that hurt me.

He told me he loved me. He told me I was the best friend he'd ever had. And I just—

Fuck. I'm sorry, I thought…I thought I could get through this.

That's alright, take your time.

I just told him he'd feel better in the morning. It was the last time I'd ever talked to him and I was on autopilot.

He said he was so scared, he said he was really cold, and he said he was tired.

I should have told him not to go to sleep, I should have kept talking and kept him awake, but I just said that he should get some rest and he started crying before the line went dead.

I figured he passed out and I hung up.

How did you react when you learned that he was dead?

Shock. Disbelief. I just felt really sick, and kind of numb, I guess.

Do you miss him?

More every day. I just keep myself grounded by remembering all the bad times and thinking about how he was a horrible person, and he was, but…there's still the good floating around in there, and that's really what brings me to my knees.

I used to have really bad dreams, and whenever I woke up screaming he would try to sing me back to sleep. We used to dance really late at night, just put loud music on and jump around and headbang and giggle like kids. We would sing along to musicals…I don't know, we had good stuff going on, and I know it doesn't sound big, but it was just the little things, y'know?

I did love him, and I'm going to miss him a lot. I do miss him a lot. But it all worked out in the end.

He wasn't made for this world anyway.

Thank you so much for your time, Mr. Nielson.

A/N: All feedback is appreciated, and thanks for reading.