I can't ever fall in love

Now I could give you some bullshit diatribe about:

How Love was created by a corporation

or how love is a chemical reaction

produced by the brain so that humans as a species

could continue ,

explained away by ancient spiritualists

in order to justify marriage and family and community

or a lie told by men to control and objectify women

or a lie told by women to civilize and weaken men

but I wont

because even if that is all love is

It wouldn't be the reason I couldn't fall in love

and even if all of it were true

It wouldn't be all that love is.

Love is…

God.

Capital G.O.D.

the Holy Trinity,

God

In three persons

named Passion, Friendship and Forever

Love is

your leg falling asleep on the couch

but you don't move to wake it up because

she

is using that same leg as a headrest and

for the life of you can't help but wish that

your leg was somehow transformed into the worlds

most comfortable pillow

Love Is

the corniest think you can think of microwaved

and popped and, drizzled with salty butter, chocolate and caramel

but the last one is seeped in cyanide

Love is

the almost animal hunger to be with someone

fully

entirely

with no reservations

aka

off the reservation

aka

no interpretation

could possibly come close

Love is

Truth

if truth were subjective

based on a person's perspective

But...

But God is Truth

and if Love is God and God is truth and the truth is subjective

subject to be twisted then

love is a lie

but no

Love is a paradox

Love is strength in weakness

life in death

pain in happiness

bittersweet

Love is

I'll protect you in the face of everything

even my own mortality

Love is

irrational

unreasonable

selfless

and egotistical

Love is

painful

undeniable

imperceivable

incorruptible

Love is

impossible...

You know what love isn't?

Love isn't right

Love is Not right

Love does not allow for me to be right

And as such I can not fall in love

not will not

not shall not

I cannot fall in love as in

I physically am in capable of falling in love

not because I cannot feel it no

after all love is undeniable

no I will feel love

I shall love

but

I will never choose love

because love at its core is a choice

Love is

choice

between order and chaos

between the atlantic and pacific

between freedom and equality

and there is a difference trust me

because freedom is the dream of the caged bird

as it sings its mournful tune not knowing that

the falcon circles outside hungry

equality is ten caged birds perched in a row never

singing at all...

I am a 20 year old know it all manic depressive pathological liar

and the only thing that let me sleep at night

is that I am right

that what I think is right

that what I think is right

That I am right

no matter what the feelings of someone else may be

above all else I have to be right...

Love is

choosing someone else above your self

known in survival terms as the wrong choice

...

despite what will or should happen in my future

I cannot fall in love

because I am coward

but sometimes

when I sleep

I dream of Bravery.