"Come and see Mother Elisa, James killed an animal again!" Annie said pulling Mother Elisa's black dress. She was known as the "mother" of all of us here at the orphanage. James was like my "brother," since they found him the same day as I did. As for Annie, she is been here a couple of months, she is a nice friend of mine.
Mother Elisa went from looking at Annie to look at me, I knew what she wanted to say. I mean, this is not the first time James wants to play like a surgeon, a forensic, or a serial killer. He must have had something inside of his head because he was always doing crazy stuff. He was not even a teenager yet!
"Yeah, I'm going" I said rolling my eyes, then stood up from my chair and went to the garden at the back of the church. Near the walls, there was a small person stabbing something I couldn't clearly see. He looked like if he was having such fun because he was giggling, let's take that like a soft laughter.
I stepped to his side, I wasn't really surprised to see him stabbing a little bunny. Most of its insides were outside, one eye outside too. James was smiling as he stabbed the bunny faster, and once he noticed I was there his face froze.
"Again?" I said raising an eyebrow. "We already talked about this James, you know that animals get hurt and that we need animals" I said. He stared at me for a second and then frowned letting the knife to the grass.
"I'm older enough to be a killer!" he shouted as he stood up all mad. I rolled my eyes standing up, took my hand and slapped him.
"You're not a killer!"
"Okay okay! I was just joking Charlotte" he said rubbing his cheek, fresh tear fell down. I guess I hit him too hard, but I would just get so mad when he would start saying that kind of stuff. And I meant it, I didn't want him to be a killer, maybe a surgeon or a forensic doctor.
The first animal James killed was a dog, her name was Daisy. James took her to the bathroom and tried to drown her there, but when he saw he was too weak to do it he took a rope that we all were playing with earlier and killed the animal. Mother Elisa never knew what he thought was doing, but he called a psychologist right away. He went to therapy for maybe a month, and was diagnosed with an "attachment disorder" maybe because of his biological parents.
We never knew where he learned those strong words like "killer," and sometimes we would find him saying words like "fuck" or asshole, which we also didn't know where he learnt from.
I never knew how he could just be like that, maybe I was just too young to understand what his mind was in.
"Why did you kill the bunny?" I said pointing at it. James stared at it for a second, then stared at me disgusted.
"It was staring at me" he said poking his eye. "And it is just one of the many bunnies there are, we don't need it, we can even cook it!" He said staring at me with a big smile on his face.
I narrowed my eyes as I stared at him for a second. "No thanks, your dirty hands touched it"
"Aw I washed them before killing it"
"I thought it was an instant reaction" I said.
"No, I had to take my time to find a knife" he said rolling his eyes.
"Well let's go back, we have to get ready" I said taking his dirty-bloody hand, as we headed inside the orphanage.
Every month, some people come on this day to adopt children. It's just the way this orphanage works, though sadly, only two to five children get adopted. I am ten, and James seems to be two years older than me. So that means it was taking us at least ten years to get adopted.
Usually the people that get adopted are boys who are at least three months old to one year old, those are the kind of parents that like their children to forget they were here at some point. Making the poor children believe that they are their biological parents. But that was none of my business really.
James was licking his little suit, leaving a saliva stain. That was the second time I moved his head off his clothes, he just liked licking them.
"James try to behave yourself, we might never get adopted" I told him, he stared at me without any expression on his face.
"We might not even get adopted by the same person, even if we are siblings, I don't think they would care" he said staring to the people that surrounded us. "And I doubt that with my illness I'll get adopted" He said taking his hand, and then put it on his mouth to bite his nail.
Even if he was right, I always wished that we were able to be adopted by the same person. I know it was kind of impossible, but I could still wish.
I stared around, looking at the families that were talking to other kids in the orphanage. Some looked rich, some happy, some serious. Each family was different, you would never know what you would end up with. It is not like if by looking at the person you know if they are good and responsible parents, some get to fake their happiness.
"Charlotte, can you come here for a second?" Mother Elisa said from the other side of the room. On her side there were two people, a blond woman and a blond man. Both looked wealthy and responsible, but again, I don't like to judge by the appearance.
"This people are interested on smart and responsible girls, why don't you introduce yourself?" She said with a wide smile. I stared at both of them, the man on the left was wearing a suit, and had those electronics on one of his ears. I don't know what they are called but I have seen them in a lot of movies, for those people who are business owners or work for a big company.
The woman on the right was wearing a pink skirt, a white blouse, and gold high heels. She had pretty gold earrings and on her left hand, a her promise ring with a big diamond in the middle that shined with couple of diamonds around it. Her hair was long and curled at the bottom, it looked smooth and like if it was made of gold.
"Hello, my name is Melissa Smith and this is my husband Trevor Smith" the woman warmly said. The man stretched his arm to me smiling, even though he looked strict I could tell he was a nice person. "You are a pretty young lady" He said shaking my hand. I smiled, then looked back to where James was... Was I going to be adopted without him?
Why do this people want kids that they don't know where they come from? I mean, what if these kids are children of a serial killer, a murderer, a pedophile, a narcotic, or just simply a complete asshole. I believe I am the son of someone like that, this is why I might never get adopted. And it's not that I would like to, I know I'm not the perfect kid, and to be honest I am not even looking to be like that. Charlotte is, and I feel like she doesn't even try. She is a ten year old, she knows stuff that I might never know, she's just good at everything.
I knew she will get adopted sooner or later, maybe those people who just called her will like her. I know she will talk to them about me, but I know they won't really care.
I never really wanted to be part of a family. I just wanted to be alone... Or well, Charlotte can be with me.
I stared around, alone standing by myself in the corner of the room. Families were interacting with the kids, thinking if they liked them or not. It's like choosing a product at the store, you choose the best one, the one with more quality.
I would be the one at the sales department, all torn waiting for someone to pick me as a last choice. It's that bad.
"James, don't you want to talk to the families? I bet someone will like you" Mother Elisa said, though I didn't answer or even look at her. She remained silent for a second, then she sat in a chair by my side. "James, not because you have this 'illness' will mean that no one will like you. Look at Charlotte, she loves you and treats you as a brother, as family" she said, this time I stared at her. Though I always have felt emotionless, the fact that Charlotte has always been there for me makes me feel somehow loved. She is the one that would always stop me when I'm going to do something wrong.
What am I going to do when she's gone?
"Mother Elisa, will Charlotte get adopted?" I told her staring a Charlotte who was still talking to those people. She was smiling, and they were too, maybe it was going to be the time to say good bye.
" Most likely, I feel she will" she said, I stared at her for a second. She was kind of nice, the second one on my list of approved people that could be my friends.
"You don't need to feel bad about it, you will get adopted someday. I know you will" she said, then put a hand on my shoulder. I moved quickly without thinking about it, it is just this weird sensation of danger. I can't be close to anyone, well just Charlotte...
Charlotte, Charlotte, Charlotte, Charlotte, Charlotte, why do I only think about you?
"James?" She called my name walking towards us, Mother Elisa went to where the parents where, they both nodded at her. They looked happy, on the other hand, Charlotte had a blank face.
"What happened?" I asked, she stared at me for a second, then looked down.
"I will get adopted" She said looking at her own hands as he plays with them.
"I knew it" I said staring at her light brown hair that covered her face, I took it off and smiled at her. I never really do that, but I felt like I had to be "happy" so that she wouldn't feel that sad about leaving. I knew it's pity for me after all.
"Why don't we go pack your stuff?"
We both headed to a room with ten beds, Charlotte took some of her stuff from under the bed. It wasn't too much, only a book, a dirty doll, some clothes and a hairbrush.
"I don't want to go without you" she said putting her stuff in a bag. "What if I forget about you?"
"You won't, and I won't" I said emotionless, didn't know if I really felt this or not. Or maybe I just felt it but didn't notice it, my mind is too complex for that. I had other businesses.
"I'm too young, I might forget a lot of stuff from here" She said staring around, I also did. Staring at the old room that smelled like roses from the girls "natural" sent after they bathe, on the corner there is an old tv we sometimes use on Saturdays. The last movie we watched was The Notebook, this woman who forgot about her past life with a man, obviously they covered some parts of the movie. the nouns didn't want to show us the movie. but it was Charlotte that somehow convince them as some girls really wanted to see it. Wait a moment...
James kept looking at the old TV at the corner of the room. He looked serious, it's just weird how he was showing so many emotions in one day. On my ten years knowing him, he had never smiled at me like that. The only way he smiles is when he is being naughty and kills animals or insects, and that's like a killer smile before committing murder.
"James" I said, but there was still no response. Then, he twisted to face me, walked a little closer and stared at me for a second. "What's wro-"
Then it happened, he kissed me. On the lips! A quick kiss and moved away quickly, his face turned crimson as he stepped back.
"You won't forget me like that" he said. "Now, let's go downstairs, your new family must be waiting for you"
I stared back as I walked outside the building, this was going to be the last time I was going to see it. And the last time I was going to see James, what did he meant for that kiss? Did he like me?
No... The psychiatrist said he wouldn't able to bond with someone else and since he's not getting therapy anymore for some reason, I think it must be impossible. Maybe he just did it so that his saliva and my saliva becomes one, like blood to blood. Yeah, maybe it's that.
Maybe he was just being as nasty as always.
I stare at him, holding hands with my new mom as she opened a pretty red car. He wasn't showing any sign of being sad, I sighed in comfort. Maybe leaving him was not going to make him sad or mad, maybe he was going get adopted and one day we will see each other again. And he can be my brother again.
So, I guess I'll be seeing you, James.