*8 years old*

I flinched as the thunder became louder feeling tears rush down my cheeks as I practically ran down the hallway, my bunny slippers squeaking. I knocked softly on my brother's door yelping as more thunder sounded from outside. I knocked harder and when no answer came I let myself in shaking my brother. "T-Trust wake up," I whispered hearing my voice crack as the rain came down harder and was that hail?

My brother groaned and sat up, "Patience go to bed," sleep covering his voice like a blanket. I shook my head and gripped his covers, "C-can I sleep with you?" I watched as he rubbed his eyes and blinked at me before nodding.

"Whatever, just don't pee on yourself or I'm telling mom," he complained but I didn't care who he told as long as I could sleep with him. I climbed into bed with him my bunny slippers sliding off of my feet as I got under the covers snuggling close to my twin. "Thank you," I beamed a hesitant smile at him as the thunder clattered down again making me flinch. He turned away from me and snorted, "You're such a scary baby." I looked up at his raven head that was turned away from me and felt tears form again in my eyes.

"Trust why don't you like me," I whined shaking his shoulder when I didn't get an answer, he shrugged my hand off and I let my nails bite into my hand and turned my back to my brother.

*10 years old*

"Trust look at all the presents!" I danced around the big pile of presents at me and my look-a-likes birthday party, I looked back at my brother who rolled his eyes and threw me a glare before walking back over to the other kids. I watched him leave feeling a sharp pain in my chest; I've been feeling this weird pain for about a week now whenever my brother treats me so…cold. I rub at my chest and look back at my brother who is now eating cake with our 'his' friends. I turn around and walk back into the house but not without grabbing a present with my name on it, I ran upstairs slamming my door and pouncing on my bed, lately my brother has been meaner than usual. Not saying that he's ever been nice to me, I mean he's always been kind of mean to me.

I clutch the present to my chest before looking down at the name tag and seeing my name written down in neat cursive 'I love you dearly. Happy Birthday –Mom'. I smiled and ripped the wrapping paper up coming face to face with a golden bracelet that had 'Patience' engraved into with my birth stone (which is opal). I put the bracelet around my wrist and admired it as the sun from the window hit it from a perfect angle.

"It's beautiful," I whispered hugging it to my chest again, I heard a knock on my door and I looked up as it opened only to see my brother and our 'his' friends with water guns. "FIRE!" he shouted as they started to shoot water at me, I started to scream curling up into a fetal position feeling the beginnings of tears sheen over my eyes. "Come on Patience its just water stop being such a coward," I looked up to see angry blue eyes glaring at me with a crowd of 'yeah' and 'baby' behind him. The tears started to flood down my cheeks as I ran out of the room to find my mom, I just needed some type of comfort right now, anything. I found my mom talking with some women, her eyes traveled over to me and I felt warm hands encircle me as I cried harder.

"M-Mom Trust and James and Chelsea and-"

"Calm down love," she whispered smoothing my hair black hair with long tentative fingers. "Trust a-and all t-the rest o-of our f-friends s-s-sprayed me wi-with w-w-water," I shouted the last part as more tears streamed down my face. My mother hugged me and instantly I stopped shivering feeling her warmth and smelling her pineapple and vanilla perfume. She kissed my forehead and grabbed my hand, "Let's go get you changed," her soft voice flooded my mind like music, God I love my mom. I nod and follow her upstairs.

*14 years old*

I walked out of my room towards the dining room table with my backpack in tow and carefully sat myself down into the chair at the far end, "Morning love," my mom chirped putting a plate in front of me. I looked up at her and forced a smile, I wonder how come I can't be that happy anymore…oh wait I know why. I sighed and pushed my plate away, "Mom, I'm not hungry," I got up and walked from the table only to feel an arm grab my shoulder. "Patience, please just eat a little," I shook my head and turned towards around, her identical blue eyes holding a longing look. There is no way in hell that I can just stand here and turn this beautiful woman down so I sigh and sit back down nibbling on my bacon.

She looked at me and smiled I forced a smile back and looked back down at my plate. "Did you see the size of her-"I looked up to see my brother walk in phone in hand as always. I looked away and stood up, "Mom, I-I'm full I'll see you later," I whispered pushing up from the table scurrying out of the kitchen, I heard my mom call after me but I kept walking towards the door. I walked to the bus stop and leaned against the gate throwing my back pack to the ground. My brother, my twin brother may I add has made my life a living hell, I don't think we got along that much after…the incident.

I shivered despite it being spring and wrapped my arms around myself, just remembering what happened leaves me feeling dead and cold inside. How he-I felt my stomach flip and slid down to the ground feeling it rise into my throat, "I'll kick your ass if you throw up," a voice hissed beside me.

I looked up to see my brother glaring at me; I hurriedly looked away and willed the bile back down. Trust's cell phone rang again and he flipped it open and answered as if it was a 6th sense, I heard an engine on down the road and stood back up fixing my clothes, I walked to the bus and stood in the aisle. It feels like I'm forgetting something, I look back out the window to see my book bag forgotten on the sidewalk, I run off of the bus to grab it only to hear my brother say 'leave him' rather loudly and the bus doors close.

I run after the bus but there is no way in the world someone can outrun a vehicle so I stop and watch as a middle finger sticks out of the window.

*17 years old *

I slumped into the school pulling my black checkered hoodie over my head letting my nails bite into my hand. I watched as people talked in their groups or cliques or whatever the hell you want to call them I don't know. When I brushed past a very familiar person I instantly jerked away hearing them laugh, "Good morning Patience," why does he have to put so much emphases on my name. I tried my best to keep walking on weak legs; I felt them shake underneath me as I practically wobbled to my locker still feeling the boy's heat behind me.

"Are you ignoring me?" he asked with enough malice to knock me off of my feet, I turned around and looked up at the 6'4 blonde. "Morning," I whispered before turning back to my locker opening it and grabbing my books. I practically ran to my first period clutching my books to my chest as if my life depended on it, taking a seat in the middle row by the window unlike the other students who like to flock in the back.

Putting my head on the desk with a thunk I closed my eyes hoping that the sweet darkness of my mind will take me away from the hell we call school. Unfortunately for me my brother chose that time to walk in and kick my seat on his way to the back. I turned around to look at him only to feel a push my face away, "I don't want you looking at me," Trust growled, I was about to say something but the bell rung as our teacher walked inside. I just KNOW today is going to be long and exhausting as always.

Lunch, the time where you meet up with the people you call 'friends' and gossip, where you eye all of the people who you think are cute and laugh at the ugly ones. I scratched my head as I looked around the cafeteria, I don't even know why I came in here. When I was getting ready to go I bumped face to chest with my bully from earlier, Carlo. I rubbed my face and looked up to see a frown gracing his lips, lips that were puckered and a pale pink. I mentally slapped myself and yelped as his hand pushed me making me land flat on my butt.

He started to laugh which sounded like a chorus and that's when I noticed more people behind, blind much. I stood up dusting off my black skinny jeans and walked past them, well I tried to but a hand grabbed my hoodie stopping me in the process. I flew back with one tug and bumped back into his brick wall of a chest again, I grabbed the back of my hoodie tugging on it trying to get it from his iron grip. He chuckled and was that a purr?

"Aww, Patience, I just want to have some fun for awhile, why are you trying to leave?" I grimaced at the malice in his voice tugging harder on my jacket. "Stop, please," I said but lucky me my voice is too damn soft and he didn't hear me only got a better grip on my jacket letting a breathy 'what' out by my ear. I shivered feeling his breath on my ear. God why is he so close? I pull some more on the jacket, I don't know why because it's only going to get the thing torn in half.

I give up and let go of the jacket slumping in Carlo's tight grip, "That's more like it," he said his friends laughing behind him with a chorus of 'weak' and 'pathetic'. I close my eyes and don't try to put up a fight when he drags me onto the third floor of the building into the abandoned room. Wait the abandoned room; I look around feeling a bit of panic rise up into my chest I've never been inside of this room or this floor rather. I was thrown to the floor with a loud thump and I looked and felt a shiver caress my body as they loomed over me, "Well then Patience, are you ready to have some fun?" Carlo whispered in a deep husky voice, his usual light green eyes seeming to be darker than they were before.

I didn't answer and watched as they all undid their pants which fell to the floor with a clatter. God please tell me what I'm thinking isn't about to happen.

I walked home my pants unbuttoned, my jacket sporting white stains and half of my shirt buttons missing. I feel disgusting and slimy and empty like something was taken from me. I shivered as I felt something leak down my legs, I hope that isn't, I shook my head and hurriedly wobbled back home. When I made it to the front porch Mom and Dad were sitting out on the veranda cuddling and talking, "Welcome home, love, you're late today," my mom chirped standing up to hug me. I quickly moved back and let my bangs obscure my eyes, "Y-Yeah…" I walked past them not giving them time to ask what's wrong and ran upstairs to my room slamming the door.

I stood in the middle of my room feeling the beginning of tears cover my eyes in a clear film; they're hands were everywhere touching every part of me. I fell on my knees and curled up in a ball letting the tears fall with choked sobs, why me? What did I do to deserve such a fucked life? I lifted my head and let it fall to the floor hard, I lifted my head again but this time let it fall harder to the ground with a loud scream as the tears fell faster. I got up feeling around for the dresser because the blood was getting into my eyes, when my fingers ghosted past the drawers I pulled the last one open and grabbed my prized possession; my razor.

I wiped my face on my torn shirt and put the razor against my forearm slicing a neat line against my ghostly pale skin, the relief washed over me like a wave and I cut another line feeling my tears slowly come to a stop. I didn't start doing this until that time when my brother threw boiling hot water on me when we were arguing about who could peel the eggs after they were done boiling.

I lied back on the floor feeling the blood gush out of my head and arms, I closed my eyes and the last thing I remember is my mom screaming my name.

TBC

My first story criticism is highly appreciated R&R