i realized today:

i am an interesting person. i deserve
happiness, safety,
warm cookies, a mother who loves me.

i don't owe it to anyone
to be somebody else.
to be smaller, stronger, smarter,
quieter.

i am allowed to be sad
without apologizing for years afterwards
and wondering what it is inside of me
that is broken,
that led me to make so many mistakes.

never before have i felt like a good person,
but today, i allowed myself to consider the possibility.
that maybe, maybe,

i didn't deserve the abuse,
the rapes, the screaming,
the nightmares, the neglect.

maybe those were bad things that happened to me
for no real reason, and not because
i am the devil incarnate
or a stupid little girl.

maybe i am strong enough as i am, maybe i
am a real human being.