When I was little, I was often the target of bully because of my sharp tongue and rough attitude. Because of my attitude, I didn't have any friends. People would often spread rumors of me, face me and beat me up until they got tired, and isolate me. I held everything in, in my tiny mind with all those thoughts bottled up. I once let it all out. To my first friend. He sat there listening to me patiently. His name was-
I woke up to the sound my clock ringing, indicating it was time to get up for school. I cuddled in my bed and positioned myself to be more comfortable. But then, I stopped the clock with my hand from ringing and I reluctantly got up. My short hair was a mess, I had drool all over my face and most of all, I was cranky. I went to my bathroom and started to wash my face so I could be more presentable. Then I brushed my hair and I started to get dressed.
My name is Rosina. I was named like that because my mom loves the white rose. It just so happened I was born with white hair and they decided it would be a good fit.
I was stomping as I went downstairs when I bumped into my older sister, Lucia. She has curly dirty blond hair and is not so taller than me. She's only one year older than me but she's already better at me at everything I do. Were complete opposites and we don't get along at all. She did not acknowledge the bump just now and kept going with her life. I acted as I did not notice anything and went to eat my breakfast.
Mom and dad were at the kitchen eating with each other. Dad was about to leave and mom was getting up to clean the table. I took a cereal so I could eat it in the go. I can't afford to be late.
When I left, I noticed the weather was as cold as ever. I also noted that it might be rainy since it was cloudy. There were people in a rush to get to their jobs, shoving everyone else in the process. Some were taking their time, drinking a coffee on their way. There were also kids running to their schools. Some are playing in the park or some are playing some video games. The bigger kids, some in their teenage years, were running to school. I was taking my time, since I was eating my cereal and I was still sleepy.
I finally got to my school. I went to the private and catholic San Antonio Abad School. The school was more in the rural part of the city so it was surrounded by giant trees, which some where blooming. It was a pretty small school and you see the same faces every day. There were benches for you to sit down under the trees, the gym was across the school and the other gym was next to the Chemistry room, and the parking was in front of the school. Occasionally, you might see the monks from the school walking around, doing their part if you're lucky.
The second I entered the school, I breathed in and out and I did my routine. I started to smile and put on a good image. My aura changed and my attitude toned down. I need to do this if I don't want to get bullied. I only started doing this now in high school. Before I transferred, everyday was hell for me. Not only was I be bullied, I was always compared to my sister. The teachers would talk about how extraordinary she was in their class to me and how proud they are, and basically make me feel bad without any intention. One day it hit me. If I can put on a smile for everyone and shut my mouth, maybe they would be satisfied with me. Maybe they wouldn't make me feel like shit. Maybe I would be accepted by everyone.
As I went to change my books, some people would greet me. Some waved at me, and some looked at me and whispered "Look! That's Rosina, the tenth grader! I heard she's the top of her class and every teacher respects her!" I tried not to look so pleased to be hearing that when in reality it felt good. "She's so tall and pretty! Gosh, I bet all the guys like her!" "Does she even know we exist?"
I was entering my classroom and heading to my seat when two classmates of mine stopped me for a second. "Is it okay if we ask you something?" one of them said. "Ask me away." I said offering a smile. They looked at each other and at me. "Why don't you have a boyfriend?" 'It's none of you're business. I don't even talk to you and you want to know something so personal? Stop butting into my business and mind your own.' I thought annoyed. I always hated those kinds of questions but then it left me with one thought. That boy.
When I was little, I once met a boy who was super kind to me. Not only was he kind, he listened to my problems. But most of all, he accepted me. But then one day… he suddenly left. I never had a boyfriend in hopes of meeting him again but…
"Oh I'm sorry." They said looking nervous. "It must be personal." "Oh. I don't mind it! Don't worry!" I said coming back to conscious. "But it's a secret." It was then I saw a boy passing by the classroom. A tall boy with short dark brown hair all ruffled in a natural way. He has his sleeves up and wore it a tad lose or casual his uniform. I couldn't tell from the distance what his eye color was but I knew one thing. He seemed rather familiar… almost like the boy who… The thought trailed off and I seemed rather unpleased. I didn't dare to finish the sentence.
I tried to follow the mysterious boy, leaving my classmates behind looking puzzled. The boy passed the tenths grader locker, elevenths grader locker and finally went into the Senior Room. The Senior Room was a room especially for the seniors and they could customize the room and their lockers however they want to. They also have the privileges to listen to music and donate things to do there. I stopped and I turned back around confused. 'He's two years older than me…?' I was thinking when I felt my arm being pulled. I looked over and it was the boy.
I panicked a bit and I realized there was an internal war inside of me. Part me wants to know and another part of me wants to run away. "Why are you following me?" he said in a deep husky voice. I imagined him with a voice more… going through puberty maybe. "I'm not following you." I said lying, but not looking away from his eyes. "All you could know, I was heading in the same direction because I needed to talk with a teacher but I forgot something so I was turning back. Not stalking you." He released his grip and looked at me for a long time. His stare was one of those that feel they look into you're soul. As he looked, I realized his eyes were a pretty clear light brown. "Nothing my bad." He said and left.
I looked after the boy and I left for my classroom. I thought of the twelve grader. I thought of the boy from back then. I could not remember so well the boy from back then. It was then I realized, I was comparing them. I stopped thinking about them and I tried to distract myself with something else.
The bell rang and the everyday prayer started. In the morning, there is always someone announcing first the activities and then they read the Bible. Sometimes they announce someone's birthday and warn people the last day to some activity of the like. I was trying to listen to the prayer but everyone else kept talking. It was these kinds of situations that made me pissed. I'm pretty sure no one here prays and they don't sacrifice a time in their day to God. I'm not catholic but the least I can do is silently here it and stay quiet.
I suddenly had the urge to scream out "SHUT THE FUCK UP PEOPLE! WE'RE IN A PRAYER!" but I held myself. I cannot afford to break my image unless I want to experience hell again. Luckily I had another method. "Everyone." I called out and everyone started to look at my direction. "Please tone down you're voice. We're in a prayer." Some looked amazed by my mature talking and some glared at me. I desperately wanted to glare back at them and just say "YOU SHOULDN'T EVEN BE GLARING ME. YOU'RE THE ONE IN WRONG." I looked away and I breathed in and out. Calm down me… You can do it.
When the prayer finished, the teacher declared that it was a self period. Everyone immediately formed groups and started to gossip with one another. I stayed alone and pretended to study. Truth was, my mind was somewhere else. It was lost in the track of history, looking and remembering many things. But the one thing I desperately wanted to remember was the only thing I couldn't. I remembered scenes from my childhood, vividly like the other days. I also remembered unpleasant scenes from when I was in middle school. I was entranced in my own little world. Even when people called out I wouldn't respond.
It was then I felt someone tugging my blazer's that I was able to snap out of it. I felt disoriented, confused and shocked. "Rosina?" someone said. "Are you okay?" "Do I fucking look okay?" I whispered so silently I haven't registered yet what I said. "What did you say?" she asked, leaning in looking worried. "I couldn't hear." "No… nothing." I said looking at her now, attempting to smile at her. "I'm fine. I just dazed out I guess." She did not look convinced but something told her not to ask any more. She left and I wanted to leave school and lock myself in my room so that no one can find me.
The day passed ever so slowly because I felt disoriented. The scenes were so vivid, I felt like I was re- living them myself. Everyone looked alien to me. I kept asking inside my mind "Who are you? And who are you? Where am I? What am I doing here? I was with Lucia just now and…" The thoughts never ended pleasant.
When I was leaving for school, the twelve grader approached me. He wanted to talk in private. I followed him and he led me behind the gym grounds. We were now alone and the only thing we could hear were the people from the gym laughing, screaming and talking. "So what did you wanted to talk about?" I asked, coming out more like a sigh than I intended to. "I wanted to confirm something." He said slowly. "Truth is I have a problem."
"Okay… talk." I said impatiently. I was already tired and I wanted to leave now. But he took his time like he controlled time and he could turn it back as he liked. "Now that I think about it… forget it." He said looking thoughtful. "What? But don't you need my help?" I said. "No. It's not that important and besides… I bet you wouldn't really help anyways." Something inside me snapped. I think it was my patience. "FUCKING FINSIH WHAT YOU WERE ABOUT TO SAY! GOD THAT IS THE MOST ANNOYING THING YOU COULD DO, OKAY?! AND WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE MY ADVICE WHEN YOU HAVEN'T EVEN REACIEVED MY HELP?!1 TALK ABOUT AN INCOSIDERATE AND NOT TO MENTION RUDE BASTARD!"
He smirked. I blinked. My mind slowly registered everything and then it went blank. I blinked once again. I desperately had the strongest urge to crawl down into a hole and cry for eternity.
"To be continued…"