The World Will Keep Turning
I hit a rock again. It came out of nowhere and I hit it. Or maybe it hit me? In this situation that would make more since. It came to me in second period, after something my teacher corrected me on, over taking my slightly off state. It continued the rest of the period. Its last strike contacted me when someone took note of my condition.
That rock was depression. In reality, I saw it coming but ignored the signs. I have one at least once a year. This termed mental, emotional, of nervous breakdown. They have been occurring since first grade. I didn't attend my classes today because I had no energy. I was just so depressed. Everything was just too much and I felt overwhelmed by it all.
It's always like this. I'm in this state of depression, but I can't pinpoint the reason. Last year I had gotten so upset that I made myself sick. What is the reason for this occurrence? What triggered this? I just want to know why and how I can stop this from happening every year.
I want to say to say it's because of the weather and I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder. That would fit for last year also, but not the years before. Maybe it's because I haven't had normal sleeping patterns? Though I think depression caused this rather than it cause depression. I feel like it's linked to the amount of work I am assigned. Is it too much for me? I can't simply change this now, I'd be more frustrated in the future it I don't put enough effort in now.
Another problem I'm having is taking less than a week to get through this. In fact, I don't even want it to take a full day. I don't want to feel like this any longer, yet the only comforting words I can think of are "... and the world keeps turning." What does that even mean for me? It only confuses me further. I know life will go on. I know. Unless that phrase means something else. Finding that it starts with "and" it makes me think there was more to it. Something that I have forgotten. What was it? What was (is) my mind trying to tell me? Does it mean there is no help? That I should just move on? That would make sense. Even without me the world would continue. It will. Even still, I will hold on to my invisible light and continue to walk. Walk endlessly and aimlessly to something knowing it's there.